As much as Phil disliked the Scrote, being a student in his Advanced Studies classes had some benefits. The first year room he'd shared with Jake Pulman had been little more than a cupboard with two beds. Compared to that, his new room was enormous. It even had its own toilet.
And it was all Phil's. Even though the room contained an extra bed, Phil didn't have to share with any other student. He guessed the spare bed was supposed to be for his daemon, which presented a slight problem as currently Phil had two.
Or maybe more, he wasn't exactly sure on that.
He doubted the lack of beds would be a problem. Rosa and Verdé were succubi, daemonic sexual vampires. Most likely they'd see it as an excuse for one of them to share a bed with him, or with each other. As both of them looked as ravishing as extra-hot porn stars, this might have sounded fantastic if it wasn't for the tiny drawback that sex with a succubus was invariably fatal.
He'd somehow managed to survive so far. Barely. Currently they called him master.
Phil didn't think that word meant what he thought it meant.
"Yeuch!" Rosa said, horrified. "They actually expect us to sleep here?"
"It is a little pokey," Verdé said.
Pokey? This was enormous compared to his last room.
"This is good for a student's room," he mumbled. He noticed someone had brought down his belongings and left them on the right hand bed in a little bundle.
Rosa walked over to the other bed and pressed a hand down on the mattress with a disapproving expression.
"Do these people know what comfort is?" she complained.
"Very spartan," Verdé said, entering the room and looking around.
"This won't do at all," Rosa said.
"All the rooms are like this," Phil said.
"How are we supposed to seduce yummy students on beds as hard as rocks with blankets that stink of old mould?" Rosa said.
"Wait, what do you mean, seduce yummy students?" Phil asked.
Rosa and Verdé ignored him. They moved over to the door to the en-suite bathroom. They seemed less interested in what lay beyond it than the door itself. They opened it up a fraction and examined the jamb.
"Wood's a little old, but it should be okay," Verdé said.
"Easier to hide than out in the main corridor," Rosa said.
Phil didn't have the faintest idea what they were up to. He stood in the centre of the room and felt almost invisible. In a way it made a pleasant relief from one of the succubi jumping him for sex every five minutes.
"I'll call Cέrμləa," Verdé said.
She produced a dainty little mobile phone and put it to her ear.
Rosa saw Phil's look of surprise and sniffed. "Just because you Luddites still choose to dress up in medieval robes doesn't mean we have to ignore the latest advances in technology as well."
"Medieval robes have their uses." Verdé flashed her green eyes at Phil and smiled as she slipped a hand into his warlock's robe and groped his privates.
"Hello Cέrμləa," Verdé said, her attention drawn back to the phone.
"Yes, we're here. Can you see us?" She continued the one-sided conversation.
"Good. Now perform the Aper-Portoirre ritual."
"Yes, then you can come to Earth too."
"No, not tonight."
"Aww, I know you're excited. You'll have to be patient. The stars will be right soon."
"Yes, then we'll have fun. Lots and lots of fun."
"Master's doing fine," Verdé turned and smiled at Phil. "Now go and start the ritual."
Verdé closed her little clamshell phone and put it away. She flashed Phil another bright smile.
What was going on here? Rosa and Verdé were in no mood to elaborate. They sat on the edge of the bed facing the en-suite door and shared a passionate kiss.
Phil jumped as bright blue light flared above the old black hinges of the bathroom door. The light crackled and hissed as it extended in a line along the jam of the door. It looked like someone was using a welding torch on the other side of the door, or was cutting through with a high powered laser.
From where?
Phil wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that question.
The line of light continued to burn its way around the door until it came back up and reached the lower hinge. It flared brightly, as if a blue star was burning behind the door so brightly the light burst out through the cracks. Then it flared out. Puffs of black smoke smelling of sulphur welled up from the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor.
There was an expectant hush as the smoke dissipated.
Rosa nodded Phil on to open the door. "Go on, open it," she said.
Phil wasn't exactly eager to do this. A few minutes earlier the door had opened into a tiny little bathroom. He very much doubted this was the case now.