The walk to town from campus was long and cold, so I was hitchhiking from my campus into town. It wasn't my first time, and honestly, I didn't think there was much to be afraid of. All my friends did it, male or female.
I stuck my thumb out, keeping the other hand tucked in my sleeve for warmth. It was only 6 pm so the sun had just started to set. A few cars drove by me before one stopped. Pulling up to the side of the road I saw a big man tucked inside a petite Honda Accord. I thought he looked friendly, awkwardly smiling at me, with his head touching the roof of his car. There was no one around to see me slip into the passenger seat.
He started the car.
"Do you go to school here?" I asked.
"No, I was just hiking on the trails behind the school."
"It was awfully kind of you to pick me up. I was just going to head to town, could you drop me off by Ocean Street and Pacific?"
There was a short pause before he answered "Oh certainly, of course."
He seemed strange in an endearing way. Very intelligent but perhaps socially challenged. I had to admit he was starting to seem attractive to me. I liked men just a little under my league. Geeky men who appreciated a beautiful woman. He seemed nervous throughout our conversation. Eloquent but a bit shaky.
He veered onto a side road that led further into the mountains, the opposite direction from town.
"I have a friend up here, just right up the road. I need to drop off a book he loaned me," he explained. "It won't take long."
"Oh! No problem. I'm in no rush." I replied, hiding the kernel of fear budding in me.
We drove about 10 more minutes keeping up the chit-chat. I hadn't seen a house in a little while. "Is it close? Your friend's house?" I asked. "Ya," he simply responded. We were quiet for the next few minutes. My fear grew. He had said right up the road 15 minutes ago. "I do have a friend waiting to meet me downtown so if this book thing can wait that would be great! If it's an inconvenience I can pay you to take me back!"
"It can't wait." He kept driving. There were still no houses or any civilization for that matter.
"You know what, you can just let me out of the car here. I don't mind walking."
He did not respond, just kept driving. It was at this moment I started to panic. My heart started thumping hard "I said you can let me out!"
He reached into his pocket and flashed me the pistol he was carrying. "I don't have to get this out yet, do I? I just want someone to talk to," he said. "Oh, I see," I smiled, practicing deep breathing, and racking my brain for the words that wouldn't get me killed. "I can spare more time for you."
"My parents used to fight, and when they split I was stuck with my mom. She beat me and called me nasty things. If not for her I wouldn't have ever done these things."
"What did you do?" I asked tentatively.
"Well, first I killed a woman who looked like her, around the same age. I just wanted to see what it might feel like to shoot my mother. It felt electric seeing her die. God, it feels good to get this off my chest. And a few more older women. I talked to their bodies as if they loved me. Like my mom hadn't, then of course I explored. But they didn't love me. I know that. I wanted to see inside them. What their brains looked like. Each one was less exciting than the next. I disposed of them well, cleaning off my semen meticulously."
"W-what makes you want me?" I asked, now terrified.
"You're so beautiful. I'm sure you would never go out with a fellow like me. Don't worry, it will be painless. I'm not a sadist."
"So I'm going to die?" I whimpered. I couldn't believe it, but this terrifying thrill was arousing me. Something about losing control completely. Something about doing anything to stay alive made me feel so submissively... good?
"God you're so pretty, I can't imagine what it would be like to have a girlfriend like you." He chuckles a bit sadly "not like anyone would want a pathetic fuckup like me, that's what she would call me, my mom."
"I want you... " I said. I couldn't believe I did.
"You're just saying that because you have a gun to your head."
He pulled over. "Stay there, if you run I will find you and it won't be so painless. We are at least 30 miles from any houses" He walked to the trunk lazily keeping the gun pointed at me. He pulled out the rope, then went to my side of the car to start tying me up. He set down the gun in the seat beside us as he tied my hands behind my back. This would have been my chance to try to run if I wasn't so piteously frozen in place, quivering against the cold.
"Sorry, you must be freezing." He looked at my exposed shoulders and legs. I was wearing a ballet pink dress that reached my mid-thigh and tied around my neck. He reached over me to fetch a thick Jean jacket with a warm fleece lining and wrapped it around me. I looked up at him with big doe eyes.
"Thank you,"
He led me out of the car. He was the tallest man I had ever met. At least 6'5, which towered over my 4'8 frame. He put his arm around my waist to lead me into the woods.
When we were about 100 feet from the road he commanded, "kneel in front of this tree." I did so feeling tiny on the ground. "Close your eyes."
"Wait!" I said exasperated. "Before you shoot me please hold me. And comfort me." Only a very damaged man would do something this heinous. Perhaps I could appeal to his need for closeness to another human being.