Author's note: This is the third in a series (I know, weird, right?) so go and read the others first. Although it's not like they're essential. There's not that much plot here.
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I waggled my glass. It was instantly refilled with champagne.
I sat back and re-crossed my legs, making 20 pairs of eyes lock onto me.
I smiled as I took a sip while looking around the club.
Unlife was being good to me, so far. After my truly epic fuck with Satan, I had come back to Earth armed with a guaranteed entry to any venue I cared to name, my new body (with flame-red hair, I thought it was appropriate), and an unbelievable shimmering black silk fuck-me dress.
What Sheeba - aka Greed, aka Avarice - had told me when I agreed to become Lust was substantially correct. All the real work gets done by demons slaving away, while we, the personifications of sins, just have to embody. It's why we have to be human - demons can't truly understand sin, it's like asking a fish to understand drowning.
Hell needs humans to remind it what sin is, compared to the alternative.
So Greed is currently mistress to a succession of hedge fund managers, Sloth is hanging around in gaming forums, Envy is a motivational speaker ... you get the idea.
So what's a girl to do when she's just become Lust and the world is so full of sexualisation it doesn't look like there's any need for her services?
I mean, apart from give a smouldering look to a young boy who is about to be beaten up by bouncers if he doesn't stop trying to get past the rope to see me?
Well, here's the thing.
Just having sex doesn't get you a guaranteed ticket down below. Oh, no.
It upstairs, who still mostly runs the show, has this whole forgiveness thing going on, you see. It's infuriating, but true. Have casual sex a couple of times while young - you can get out of that.
Break your marriage vows - if you repent immediately, you can work your way back from that.
Contraception? It's even willing to let that slide, there are so many fucking humans now.
Even kinks aren't an automatic ticket down, any more. You really have to be perverted, or combine sins - as much sex as your can get, to the point of gluttony, say, or violent kinks.
Hell, a loving couple in an open relationship can fuck around and get let off. Single man goes to brothels? So what, if he treats the girls right. Deliberately killing someone while fucking them? Yeah, that'll do it.
But on the other hand, if getting people to damn themselves was easy, it wouldn't be much fun now, would it?
I cast my eyes around the club again. The roped-off section I was sitting in was attracting envious, eager and jealous glances. A few looks directed at me contained pure, venomous hate.
I drank it all up. It was all grist to our Satanic mills.
A party appeared in the distance, striding towards us with a get-out-of-our-way-or-you-will-be-violently-beaten-out-back attitude that was immediately effective at clearing the floor.
I took another sip and sat up straighter, arranging myself for maximum effect.
The rope was immediately unclipped.
The bodyguards arranged themselves on the outside of the rope, one inside staying close to The Boss.
The Boss sat down opposite me. He was good at what he did. So good he didn't look at my legs or my mostly-exposed tits. He didn't even look at my lips as I took a suggestive sip of my champagne. I didn't really try to entice him. He was so far damned already that I spared my efforts for other people.
"So you're the procurer Jason thought was so good."
He had a don't-fuck-with-me voice that dripped professional distrust.
"My name," I purred in a voice that carried despite the background cacophony, "is Ravenswood." It wasn't, but what's the point in total reinvention if it's not total?
He gave me a hard stare. "I can get you thrown out in a very unpleasant manner if you don't answer my question."
"You can find another procurer if you aren't prepared to conduct business in a civilised fashion," I told him, uncrossing my legs and smoothing down what there was of my dress below my hips.
It was a movement that could, equally easily, be a casual shifting of position or the prelude to standing up, and he knew it. We both knew he would look bad if I stood up and he had to call me back, while we both also knew I would not look good if he ordered me to sit down and I obeyed.
In the careful game of manoeuvring of social perceptions, the best we could achieve would be a mutual negative. I knew he wouldn't tolerate that, and he knew I wouldn't tolerate it if I was as good as he had been told I was. But if I wasn't good enough to have the confidence to threaten a move like that, I wasn't good enough. And if I was as good as he had been told, he wanted too use my services.
He sat back lazily, trying to make it look as though he were in complete control and probably fooling himself. "I have to know who I'm dealing with."
I arched an eyebrow. He still didn't, of course. He had no idea I was a genuine bitch from hell, whereas I knew exactly who he was. "You're dealing with a professional," I told him. I was tempted to add something sharp, but restrained myself.
He gave me a look carefully designed to be calculating and sceptical at the same time.
At that moment, his two sons came in, strutting through the opened rope with the sullen arrogance of small children who have been told they have to behave and listen to daddy.
I glanced at them briefly. "How about a free sample?"
Boss's eyes glittered. "Sure. My older boy, Kristof, likes leggy blondes with big tits, doesn't care how they got them. My younger boy, Stefan, likes them a bit of ethnic, know what I mean? And tiny. Nothing bigger than 100 pounds."
I gave him a steady look, avoiding with an effort giving him a witheringly contemptuous look at the use of the adjective "ethnic", then followed it with a professional smile. "Wait here," I said, taking my purse and standing up. "I may be long enough to properly vet applicants."