Sandy sits naked, alone on a grassy hill overlooking a valley. She's in awe not only of the view but of the fact that she hiked all the way up here. She has even taken off her heavy boots and socks and is wriggling her toes in the grass. Her two friends Debbie and Joe, are not far away, trying to work their water purifier, in a little creek. She could faintly hear their voices as they debated the pros and cons of digging out a hole to gather water faster. "Ahh, this is why we do this." She said aloud to no one, as she smiled at the thought of her friends, and the view, and the hike, and the trees, and the smells of pine. There was a loud plop just behind her, as a pinecone dropped to the ground. It rolled somewhat closer and stopped. "Speaking of trees, I'm glad I wasn't sitting under that one." She looked at the pinecone with her rose-colored glasses. "Aren't you a beauty though." She admired the large green cone. Almost the size of a football. "I thought they turned brown and opened before they fell." She crawled over to the cone and picked it up. She looked closer at it and said "Well you are just perfect, aren't you? If you weren't so heavy, I would take you home. Oh well time to say goodbye. You were trying to go downhill, weren't you?" She pulled her arm back to throw it over the valley below. She kissed it goodbye and threw.
"Eww, yuck, tastes like sap." she said
On the letter 'p' her lips stuck together. This surprised her so much she didn't realize she hadn't actually thrown the pinecone. "MMMM,MMM,MMMM" as she reached up with her left hand to her lips, trying to pry her lips apart.
Pursing her lips then stretching them as much as possible. Constantly trying to call out. She worked her jaw from side to side and up and down. Nothing changed. Her lips were completely sealed shut. She realized she was still holding the pinecone in her right hand.
She frowned at the culprit that she had just been admiring. She pulled back her arm again and threw the offending cone as far as she could. Which wasn't far as it was firmly stuck to her hand. She stared at in in disbelief. "mmmm,mmmmm." She made several more motions to throw, drop, toss, or shake loose the pinecone. None had any effect except to exasperate her.
She grabbed hold of it with her left hand to pull it loose. Only now her left hand was stuck just as solidly as the right. She shook the pinecone from side to side trying to fling it away all the time cursing at it "mmmm,mmm,mmmm." At one point she flung so hard she almost lost her balance.
She sat back down quicky before she could tumble down the hill. Now she was seated she tried using the ground as leverage.
She repeatedly dragged the cone toward herself pushing it hard on the ground, all the time getting more and more frustrated. "Stupid pinecone" she thought.
How can sap be that strong, and sticky!
"GET OFF, GET OFF." All that came out was "MMM MMM, MMM MMM."
She was crying now and she wanted to be done.
Unthinking she grabbed the other end of the cone between the arches of her feet and pushed as hard as she could.
Of course, all that accomplished was that now her feet were stuck just as thoroughly as her hands. She opened her eyes in shock. How had she been that stupid! Her soles were facing one another and stuck so thoroughly that no amount of pulling them shifted them in the slightest. She tried each individual finger, one at a time. All ten of them, absolutely no movement. She could still wiggle her toes, but couldn't think of a single thing that would help.
OMG. It was just like that tar baby story. All she needed to do now was bash her head into the pinecone and then wait for Brer Fox and Brer Bear.
Wait. That's it. They can help me. Debbie was definatly a fox. And you could certainly say Joe was a bear.
But how do I call to them? They haven't heard me yet and I've certainly been yelling.
They aren't far but it might as well be a mile.
I could probably roll on the ground but how far would I really get?
I guess I just sit here?
So, she resolved to sit down, no choice really.
And wait, again, no real choice.
Debbie was frustrated. In more ways than one. Here she was, bi, and on a hike with her two favorite friends. One male and one female.
She had been flirting with both and had gotten nothing back from either.
Sandy had gone off to enjoy nature, whatever that meant, and Joe was oblivious.
For a former Army Ranger he didn't seem to know much about hiking. Sure, he was good looking and strong as an ox but anyone should be able to understand the theory behind a catch basin.
He didn't even have a sleeping bag, just his woobie (whatever that is) and a poncho. How can you share a woobie?
But I've known him since before the army and he really was a super sweet guy. Just a little too boy scoutish.
"Look GI Joe, I'll build a catch basin right here and if it doesn't work, and murkes up the water, we'll just go upstream a ways and try it your way. OK?"
Before he could respond I started scooping a depression, built a weir, and started lining the bottom with gravel. It made a huge muddy mess, and Joe was starting to look smug, but after a few minutes the water started to clear, and after about five we had a little gravel bottomed pond about the size of a bathroom sink with perfectly clear water. "Huh, where did you learn to do that?" he asked
"The whole time you were gone I went hiking a lot to de-stress. I learned a thing or two." I replied
"De-stress? Stressed from what?"
"Worried about you, you big lug." Then I punched him in the shoulder to hide my embarrassment.
"Oh" was all he had to say. And then he looked at me with an expression on his face that said 'I'll have to think about that one'
Maybe I had given away too much. He wasn't dumb. I stood up. "Now where did Sandy run off to?"
Joe was happy. He was out hiking with two of his best friends. The fact that both happened to be female was just a bonus.
He was tired of 'hiking' with his buds. I guess you could call it hiking, and I guess you could call them his buds. He did a lot of walking in the wilderness, with a lot of gear strapped to his back.
But it was a lot more relaxing when you didn't have to worry about getting shot at. Or having to shoot back.
OK Don't want to think about that.
He was hiking with two girls in the Sierras and everyone was a friendly. It was a pure pleasure to walk into a ranger station, and be greeted with a smile, and a few innocent questions, and not have to worry about defenses, or who's on perimeter.
There I go again. Does every thought have to lead back to that? I should be more like Sandy, just enjoy nature.
Instead, he was having a silly argument with Debbie about water purification. For several years now it had been, fill your canteen from wherever, drop in a couple of Iodine tablets and hope for the best. Speaking of Sandy, where had she gotten to. Probably sitting in a yoga pose in the middle of a field somewhere, making "mmm" noises.
Better go check on my 'team'.
I guess Debbie was thinking the same thing as she stood up and said "Now where did Sandy run off to?"
"I think she was heading over to where we could see the valley. Think she's ok?"
"I'm sure she's fine, probably just getting closer to nature. She said something about looking for the perfect pinecone."
We both chuckled. She was always looking for the perfect daisy or the perfect tomato.
The two headed back down the trail to find their friend. After about fifty yards they started hearing mmm, mmm, mmm sounds. Joe whispered to Debbie "Do you have your camera?"
She held up her little superzoom "Of course."
As they passed the last few trees they saw Sandy sitting naked on the ground facing towards the trail. She was in some kind of lotus position. Holding a huge green pinecone with both hands and both feet. She seemed to be chanting to it.
"MMM, MMM, MMM."
Debbie started taking pictures, then changed to video. "What the hell is she doing?" she whispered.
Sandy seemed to be doing some kind of undulations with the thing. Sometimes flexing her knees, sometimes her elbows. She would pull it a little closer then push it away again. And the whole time "MMM, MMM, MMM."
"Hey Joe," she said as she zoomed in "She doesn't look happy. It almost looks like she's been crying!"
"What? Let me see" Debbie held out the camera to him.
