Nudie Nightmares

Diego woke with a start. What in the world was that dream? Something about being naked on stage or something? How horrible. Thank goodness that's over. But as he looked around, he noticed that he wasn't in his room.

He appeared to be a security office of some sort, with a massive wall of CCTV monitors in front of him, each one displaying a view of several museum exhibits. He looked down at himself and was wearing a security uniform. Before he could ask himself how he could've even gotten here an alarm started to blare!

He looked at the monitors to see what was happening and a few thieves were attempting a brazen robbery of a statue. He started running into the museum to try and stop them. Despite not knowing the layout of the museum, he found them with ease.

It's not exactly hard to hear a helicopter lowering a cargo hook into a museum through a broken glass ceiling to take an entire statue with it. It had a net at the bottom to lift the statue right up in its grasp. He got there just as they were about to hoist it up, but thinking quickly, he ran up and threw himself right onto the statue.

Having now added extra weight to said statue he realized, that he didn't weigh enough to actually make a difference in the raising of the cargo hook. He was being taken too! Thinking even quicker than before he actually started to unhook the ropes attached to the net. After a bit of work he did it, he unhooked the hook as the helicopter took off!

Unfortunately, he thought a bit too quickly there as if he took just a bit longer with said thinking, he'd have realized two things. One: He and the statue were about 20 feet in the air and Two: with nothing holding them up, there was only one way down.

As they both fell through the broken ceiling, they crashed onto the floor. Diego was holding onto the statue's leg for dear life. Amazingly, he was unharmed. Dazed, but unharmed. But he did it, he saved the statue.....'s leg.

He was holding on to its leg as the rest of the statue had shattered into many pieces.

"Well, at least some of it is safe." he said to himself, just before the leg he was holding crumbled to dust as well. Nothing remained of the statue except a fine marble powder.

"Maybe they won't notice...?"

"DIIIIIIEEEGOOOOOOO!"

Looking around the room for the source of that scream, he realized that it was his walkie-talkie. He answered it. "Uh....hello?"

"Report to my office, NOW!" said a very angry female voice on the other end.

He walked into the office of the museum's owner. She was a woman with a rather somewhat dark complexion who was wearing a business causal outfit with white leggings. Her black hair was done up in a wavy ponytail and her eyes were done up with bright blue eyeliner.

She looked almost like she could be a super model. He could've sworn he's seen her before, but couldn't quite place her. His thoughts were interrupted with the ice cold stare she was giving him at the moment.

"Do you know why you're here?" she asked him.

"Uh....to guard things?" he said, genuinely unsure why he was a security guard at a museum that he was pretty sure the wasn't even in his town.

"I meant, in my office right now, smart-ass."

"Uh....cause I did my best to save that statue and you want to promote me?" Her brow furrowed as her icy cold stare turned into what appeared to be white hot rage.

"It was worth a shot.", he thought to himself as he braced for the worst.

"The reason you're here is because your incompetence has cost us millions in damages! I reviewed the security tapes. That whole hook thing they did took HOURS to set up. It wasn't until I got the alert that I realized something was wrong. WHERE WERE YOU!?"

He stammered trying to find an answer that wasn't him apparently being asleep the whole time.

"You were ASLEEP ON THE JOB AGAIN, WEREN'T YOU!?"

"N-no, I was....guarding....the paintings in the west wing of the museum?" He sheepishly smiled, hoping she bought that.

With the most unamused expression on her face she turned her computer monitor towards Diego to reveal that there was a hidden camera in his security booth and sure enough, he was fast asleep on duty from the point they started their heist preparations, to just before the alarm went off.

He audibly gulped at this new piece of information. Then took off his hat and badge and placed them on the table.

"Heh....I'll see myself out now."

"Not so fast, Diego. That's not your entire uniform."

"Right, I'll just head back to my locker and-"

"NOW. DIEGO."

"....right here?"

"Yes, Diego." But just as he started to unbutton his uniform, her phone rang.

"La Succube museum, Administrator Demona speaking.....really? Hmm, now that's an idea. As it so happens, I have the perfect candidate for such an art piece. Come in as soon as you're ready, he'll be waiting."

She hang up and turned her attention to Diego, who was waiting, hoping that the call she just had would save him from stripping in front of her. It would turn out that it did, but not in the way he'd want.

"Change of plans, Diego. You get to keep your job!"

"Really?"

"Yes, but I'm going to need your help with something. Just follow me."

Without another word, she lead him to another room. It was filled with paint supplies, large canvases, half finished statues and other art pieces.

In the room was a large marble pedestal and a short girl with a beret and glasses. She must be the artist he heard about. "Oh, is this our model for the new statue?", she said as they both walked in.

"Yup, he's our newest art piece in your series. He fit the description for the model you needed, perfectly."

Diego then asked, "What exactly am I modeling for?"

"Why, a replacement for the statue you so carelessly destroyed."

"Would you rather that I'd let it go?"

"

I'D RATHER YOU HAVE DONE YOUR JOB!

", screamed the administrator as Diego backed away from her.

He backed into an unfinished sculpture almost toppling that one to the floor but just before it hit the ground the artist caught it before it hit the ground and pushed it back upright.

"You see? He's a menace to the artwork! I should just strip him of his badge right now."

"NO! I NEED THIS JOB! I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS, PLEASE. THEY'LL STARVE IF I CAN'T PROVIDE FOR THEM!"

Diego was practically on his knees begging at this point, but then he thought to himself, "Hang on, I'm not married or have any kids. Why did I say that?"

It was as if something made him say that...he even believed himself for a few seconds.

"Well, if you're serious, then it's time to get ready to model."

"Ok, what do I have to do?"

The artist looked him up and down, measured him both in height and width and then said, "All you gotta do is just hold a pose for a few hours and let me mold you into a fine new work of art. Can you do that?"

All he had to do was just stand for a few hours? Well, given his track record thus far, surely even he couldn't mess that up, right?

"I'll give it my best shot. I'm surprised that I'm even attractive enough to be a model."

Both the administrator and the artist looked at each other with a look of amusement. "Yeah, attractive. Let's go with that...." said Demona, chuckling as she said it.

"Well now that everything is squared away, we need you to hold a pose just like the statue you "saved" from being stolen."

The Administrator then handed Diego a photo of the statue. As he looked at it, he was shocked to discover what it really was. He was too preoccupied with trying to prevent the theft that he didn't realize that the statue was of a man, dressed and posed exactly like the statue of David, titled "The Statue of David 3.0"

"Wait, why is it 3.0?" asked Diego.

"Some other museum already did a statue of David 2.0."

"Yeah, they even made it out of the likeness of a security guard as well, funnily enough."

"Rumor has it he also clumsily broke a statue and had to replace it, so he painted himself white and stood in place of the statue. It was such a hit among the crowd that I was commissioned to make an actual statue out of him."

The artist then got a bit of a blush as she recalled the model she used for that one. "I don't quite remember his name, it started with a W, that's all I remember, but boy was he hung!"

"Yeah...hehe. That's why I brought you in for this one. Maybe you can mold this little useless boy into a nice hunk of marble for us."

The two were practically drooling over the thought of the previous model as Diego started getting uneasy, having to be compared to him. But what made things worse, as he looked at the photo again, was that the statue already kind of looked like him, with two notable differences.

One was that it was a lot more muscular than his somewhat scrawny physique and two, and the worst part, was that the muscles weren't the only thing on him that were bigger.

That thing was rocking an obelisk between its legs! He realized that he was going to have to strip naked to properly model for them. He had to get out of this somehow. "Uh, excuse me ladies, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about this."

"That's too bad, Diego. Cause it's time for you to get "dressed"."

"Yeah, or rather undressed. Hehe."

He went pale as he realized that he'd have to bare himself in front of not just these two women, but the finished product would permanently be on display here. A permanent reminder that he had a tiny penis. Much like the first David.

"Isn't there something else I could do? I could be demoted to janitor or maybe I could just buy the remains of the statue so you don't lose any money?"

"Do you have any idea what that statue cost us, Diego?" Demona asked as she brought out a piece of paper from her suit pocket and handed it to Diego.

He looked at it and it was apparently a receipt from a mysterious "Miss M" which was the person that originally made the statue. Diego felt his heart almost stop as he looked at the price. He'd never seen that many zeroes in his life! He thought it was made of marble, not diamonds! How could anything be that pricey!?

"So I'm going to assume by the look on your face that you don't exactly have the funds to replace the statue."

He shook his head.

Demona, with a smirk, then said, "Well, that's too bad. Guess you gotta show us your nightstick, my clumsy little security guard."

Sensing his nervousness the artist tried to calm him down. "Don't worry, Diego. In the art world, nudity is quite natural. No one is going to make fun of you for this. Just strip and pose and we'll both be out of here in no time, ok?"

He breathed deeply as he prepared to bare himself in front of these two women. One of which was his boss, unambiguously taking immense joy out of his nervousness.

As he stripped down to his boxers, he looked at them again. "Maybe, this version of David could have boxers? You know, he'd probably have fought Goliath in shorts if they invented them back then."

The artist shook her head and told him "It's going to be ok, I've dealt with models of all shapes and sizes, it's not like you've had anything we haven't seen before, ok? Just take them off and we'll get through this."

He brought his hands to his waistband and was just about to pull them down when she added, "Besides, it's not like you have a tiny dick or something, right?"

He stopped as his eyes went wide and his face turned a bright shade of vermilion as he looked at them both. Demona's face formed a great big smile as she realized why he was so hesitant about stripping.

...."On second thought, I quit. Goodbye." and he attempted to walk away.

"GET BACK HERE!" Demona grabbed him by the waistband and pulled on his boxers with such force that they ripped off him!

Diego brought his hands to his crotch and stood there shivering.

"You're free to go, but you're going home like that if you do. Plus, I'll send you the bill for the replacement statue. I'm sure your wife will be thrilled hearing how you lost your job and pretty much everything else."

He gulped audibly, "Right....of course." he squeaked as he walked to the modeling area.

He stood on a pedestal under some spotlights and waited for further instructions from the artist.

"Now, hold the same pose as the statue you broke, ok? Like this."

She then posed with one hand on her hip and the other hand to her chin. Her legs were slightly apart.

Diego thought to himself, "Ok, just grin and bare it for a bit. You can do this, it might be humiliating but, it's better than walking home with nothing but a very expensive bill to cover you up, right?

Ok, 1....2.....2 and a half-"

"GET ON WITH IT, DIEGO!"

"3!"

He did the pose, uncovering his little one in front of them.

Not even a few seconds later Demona burst out laughing. "Why am I not surprised? Of course this incompetent fool has the smallest dick I've ever seen. It might even be smaller than the original statue of David! HAHAHAHAHA"

But the Artist had a different reaction. She rushed right to him and looked him up and down. Her face mere inches from his one incher.

Diego was very uncomfortable with the fact she was so close he could feel her breath on it. "U-uh, miss artist, ma'am? What are you doing?"

..."It's....beautiful."

"What?" said both Diego and Demona, simultaneously.

"It's like he was sculpted by one of the great renaissance artists themselves. You're going to make a fantastic statue. Now hold that pose as I get started."

She then brought out a can of white paint. "Uh, I thought you were making a statue." said Diego, confused.

"She is, but the actual creation of the statue will take a week to do. Until then, you're going to stand in for it."

"I'm going to paint you from head to toe and then take pictures of you from every angle. That way I can create an identical statue to display here."

"WAIT. I'M GOING TO BE STANDING OUT IN THE MUSEUM LIKE THIS!?"

"Yup." said the Administrator as she added, "All our guests are going to see you completely and totally naked. Maybe you'll be more careful with priceless artwork once this is over."

The thought of all those people, staring at him, standing stock still as an actual statue with his nub fully on display, made him start to sweat profusely under these spotlights.

She continued to taunt him, "Good thing this paint is waterproof, wouldn't want it to wash off in the middle of the day and reveal that our incredibly lifelike statue of a man with a itty bitty weenie was not a statue at all."

He started to shiver as he thought of everything that could go wrong and reveal him to the patrons of the museum. But a tickling sensation on his foot interrupted those thoughts.

"Please hold still, we got get this paint dry by the time the museum opens."

She was coating him in white paint. It seemed to be mixed with some sort of gritty substance. He tried his hardest to stay as still as possible, but the feeling of the paintbrush on certain parts of his body made him wiggle around a bit due to his ticklish nature. She went from the bottom to the top. So first was his legs and then came his lower parts.

Demona made a rather crass joke about having to get another bucket of paint in order to coat his backside.

Diego was not amused, "My butt's not that big."

"Are you kidding!? I've seen pillows that aren't as big and soft as that. If only some of that went to your little weenie."

Though the artist was too busy covering his ass with the paint, Diego couldn't help but notice that she seemed to be spending a bit too much time moving his cheeks to paint them. He swore she grabbed a fistful of cheek at one point and even spanked it once.

"OW....be gentle back there!"

"Sorry, couldn't help it.....it really is kind of soft."

She punctuated that with a pinch. As he winced, he tried not to move. Once she was done she moved to the the front part. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he realized she was going to have to paint him down there too!

It took every bit of will power not to coat the artist herself in his own white paint as she was very thorough with her brushstrokes. Her skill with the paintbrush did not go unnoticed by both Diego, who unfortunately responded the only way he could and Demona, who immediately noticed this and taunted him for it.

"Diego, how dare you!? You're supposed to pretend to be a statue, not be as hard as one!"

The Artist however was very unamused at both her and Diego. "Shame on you both for trying to make this sexual. There's nothing sexual about my art. This is naught but an artistic nude, so calm yourselves down this instant."

"But I didn't do anything. It just....happened on its own." said Diego as he defended himself.

"Oh lighten up, it's not like that thing is big enough to be considered sexual anyway. As long as it doesn't spurt, it's small enough to belong to a cherub. No one will know if the "extended" version is the one they get." said the administrator as she wiggled her pinky at him.

"Oh shush, both of you! Just let me do this, all I gotta do is paint this bottom part here and the genitals will be done. Just gotta lift up the appendage and-"

Her gentle touch on his smallness as she lifted it up to coat the bottom was just a bit too much for Diego to handle. Lucky for the artist, she had the presence of mind to block the shot with her hand...after the first shot coated her glasses of course.

He tried to pretend that nothing happened but it was hard- er, difficult to do so when your boss was currently on the floor rolling around in laughter and an artist happens to be trying in vain to wipe off her glasses.

Good thing they weren't actually prescription glasses, just fake aesthetic ones. Still, she gave Diego quite the dirty look and was far less gentle with the remaining paintjob.

Thankfully there were no further problems as she coated the rest of him with the paint. His back, front, face and even his hair were coated in white. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was actually a statue.

"TA-DA! It's complete. What you think, Miss Demona?"

She circled around Diego, eyeing him up and down. She turned to the artist and said, "He's perfect. A much better statue than a security guard."

The artist then took all the pictures she needed to take and then took her leave. "You'll receive your payment once the real statue is complete. Thank you for your time."

"No problem, Miss Demona." She then walked off but not before giving Diego another death glare.

"Heh, my bad. I'm sorry about your glasses."

"Hmph." She turned with her nose in the air. It's hard to forgive someone for facepainting them without permission.

"Alright, Diego, it's time to put you on display." She then lead him to the room where the first statue was. While it was mostly cleaned up there was still a bit of marble residue everywhere.

She had him stand on a marble pedestal under some more spotlights. On it was a plaque with the words, "David 3.1" on it.

"Why the point one? Shouldn't I be 4.0 or something?"

"You don't really have enough going on to justify more than a point one. Frankly, if I was naming it, you'd be David 2.9."

He sighed and climbed onto the pedestal. "Now, hold that pose until tonight. Alright? Not a single inch of you is to even make a single movement, got it?"

"Got it, but what abo-"

Demona's cell phone then went off. "I gotta go take this, the museum opens in a few minutes. Good luck!"

"But when do I get to.....?"

She walked out of the room before he could finish the question.

"....take a break?"

He then steeled himself for the many potential eyes that would seem him like this. "It's just an art museum, right? Who visits one on the weekday anyway? I'm probably overestimating the crowd size."

That's when Demona walked back in. "Oh by the way, I forgot to mention. This week is the museum's woman's appreciation week. To celebrate women in art all female patrons get in at a reduced price. So expect a lot of female attention. Especially since this exhibit that you're standing in is brand new."