MARY SMITH. HANGED FOR MURDER. 31st. OCTOBER 1873
"I don't like this!"
"Oh yeah," he sighed impatiently, "What's wrong with it."
"It's dark," she continued to complain.
"Of course it's fucking dark; it's ten thirty at night at the end of October," he replied irritably, "What do expect...blazing fucking sunshine!"
"Please don't swear at me Andy," she scolded him, "I can't help it."
"Can't help what," he demanded angrily.
"I'm scared!"
"Scared," he questioned, "Scared?"
"Yes," she answered nervously.
"Scared," he repeated. "What are scared about?"
"Well, we're in the middle of a fucking grave yard, aren't we," she retorted; descending to the use of Andy's vulgar language.
"So?"
"So," she repeated, "It's full of dead people, innit...Smart Arse!"
"Yes, Smarty Knickers, of course it is, it's a fucking grave yard," Andy reminded her.
"It's spooky," she insisted.
"No it's not," he argued.
"Well, I think it is," she said petulantly.
"What," Andy replied, allowing his exasperation to rise, "Do you think they are going to do Gem, get up and dance a ring of roses around the fucking headstones."
"They might," she insisted, "It is Halloween you know."
"Bollocks," Andy retorted, "You don't believe in all that stuff, do you Gemma."
"Well, no," Gemma replied uncertainly, "But you never know. I just don't like it here Andy!"
"It's your fucking fault we're here Love," Andy said, softening his attitude.
"How's it my fault all of a sudden," she answered defensively, "It was your idea to bring me here."
Andy's patience wearing thin, he tried to remain calm and remind his girlfriend of the necessity to enter a grave yard in the dead of night. "Look," he began, "We can't do it at your home because of your kids, and we can't do it in the back of my car in case your old man drives past in his fucking taxi, so where else can we fucking do it?"
"We always do it at your place,"she reminded him, "Why do we have to do it here all of a sudden."
"I've told you Gem," Andy reminded her, "We can't do it there any more, the landlady doesn't like it."
"Well, she ain't fucking getting it, is she," laughed Gemma.
"And neither am I, at this rate," complained Andy.
"I don't think I want to do it now, anyway," Gemma whined.
"Aw, come on Love, it'll be right."Andy reassured her, seeing his chance to shag Gemma slipping away. "It'll be all right, once you get going. You know what you're like."
"No, Andy," she insisted, "I don't feel like it now."
"Aw Gem," Andy pleaded, "Don't do this to me. You know how much I fancy you."
"No, sorry Andy," Gemma insisted adamantly, "It's this place it gives me the creeps!"
"Come on Gem," Andy pleaded again, "They're all fucking dead, for fuck's sake. What harm can they do!"
"I don't really want to Andy, I'd sooner go home."
"Just a quickie then," he beseeched her, undoing his belt with one hand whilst massaging Gemma's breast with the other.
"Well, be quick then," Gemma acquiesced whilst looking furtively about, "But don't expect me to enjoy it."
Holding her face between his hands, Andy kissed Gemma tenderly, causing her legs to weaken as they always did and, lifting her skirt, he slipped his hand casually between her legs with his usual familiarity and lack of finesse.
"There," he said, feeling Gemma's moist response, "Your changing your mind already Gem."
"Mmm," she replied, "But be quick."
Sliding Gemma's knickers to her knees, Andy dropped his trousers and prepared to reap his reward for the meal he had bought her, the drinks he had poured into her, and the puerile, mundane conversation that he had been forced to endure all evening. Dropping to his knees, his head under her skirt, Andy set about devouring her cunt, the ritual prelude to shagging that aroused them both and increased their desires.
He was not, however, prepared for Gemma's ear shattering scream, resonating around the bleak memorials, as she pulled away from him in blind panic, scurrying to and from and screaming hysterically.
"Ouch, fucking shit," she exclaimed as, turning this way and that, her knickers around her ankles restricting her movements, she tripped and fell against a headstone.
Showing an almost compassionate side to his nature, Andy squatted beside her, taking her into his arms and, talking softly, calmed her with soothing words.
"There, there, my darling, it's OK, it's OK. What got into you Gem," he asked with genuine concern.
"That noise," she said, looking over each shoulder in turn.
"It was only an owl," laughed Andy.
"Well, I don't care what it was, it frightened the fucking shit out of me!"
"Relax, Babe," Andy said soothingly, his hand once again up Gemma's skirt.
"No, Andy," Gemma whined, "I really don't want to."
Andy continued, knowing Gemma's resolve would soon weaken as she had never, on previous occasions, had the will to refuse him for long.
His persistence paying off, Gemma slipped her knickers over her shoes, lifted her skirt and parted her legs as Andy, wanking himself furiously, slipped his dick into her wet, smooth orifice.
Gemma started to moan and writhe as she felt Andy penetrate deeply into her, his balls rubbing against the sensitive flesh between her vagina and rectum. Biting her lip, enjoying the ecstatic sensation of Andy's dick inside her, she turned her head towards the headstone and read silently:
"Mary Smith, Hanged for murder. Thirty-first October, eighteen seventy-three."
Slowly it dawned on her, just as Andy was getting into his stride, that they were shagging above the grave of a murderer.
"Fucking Hell, Andy," she said, pushing him frantically away from her, "We're only doing it on the grave of a fucking murderer!"
"Aw Gem, not again," Andy complained, "All I want is a fuck!"
"Well," said Gemma, pulling her knickers up, "You ain't getting it here!"
"Gemmm," Andy whined.
"It's no good, Andy, get me out of hear, before I go fucking mental."
"Oh, all right," Andy conceded, "but I'll remember this the next time you want a shag."
"If you don't get me out of hear Andy," Gemma said firmly, "I swear there won't be a next time, not for you!"
Reluctantly, Andy led Gemma back to the cemetery gates, still bemoaning his wasted investment and cursing his timorous girlfriend under his breath. Pulling an empty hand out of his trouser pocket he urgently searched the other. "Fuck it," he cursed, "I've lost my fucking car keys!"
"Oh great," said Gemma, "just fucking great. How the fuck am I going to get home?"
"Call a taxi," said Andy uncharitably, "it might be your old man who turns up."
"Oh funny," mocked Gemma," you think you're so fucking clever don't you, but you've got a lot further to walk than me."
"No," he said, "we're going back to look for them."