"Isn't the food to your liking, my dear?"
Henry's words shook me out of my reminiscences. In truth, I was unable to savor Mrs. Willoughby's creations. Her vermicelli soup, one of my favorite of her dishes, seemed almost flavorless to my palate, and for all the attention I paid to it, her lamb with Yorkshire pudding might as well have been sawdust and ashes.
"Yes, darling. It's delicious," I lied. I glanced at my husband's eyes again, but they remained shrouded and dark, full of secrets that I lacked the courage to explore for long, lest he see the secrets in my own eyes. I quickly moved my gaze to the table and took a sip of my wine to hide my distraction. Even the rich Bordeaux failed to arouse my palate.
"Outstanding," Henry said.
*
When Henry lost control of his transformations into Hyde, I studied his laboratory journals. His technique for effecting a transformation was blunt and unsophisticated: He had employed psychoactive compounds to fracture his own personality, followed by a crude system of rewards and punishments to encourage his body to lash itself to various portions of his psyche. In this context, Edward Hyde was nothing more than a highly pragmatic and animalistic portion of Henry Jekyll's personality that had been made flesh.
Many of the compounds that I'd explored with Mary Drappit--the midwife in my parents' village--were also psychoactive, but their modus operandi was more subtle and gentle than the cocaine and mercury that Henry had employed. Together, he and I used Mrs. Drappit's compounds to concoct an elixir that forwent the brute force of Henry's potions, and instead gently nudged his psyche to repair itself. By slowly reintegrating parts of the Hyde persona back into Jekyll, we eventually convinced Henry's body that it no longer needed to transform to serve the needs of an alternate master.
I rejoiced at Henry's healing, but it seemed that something was lost in the banishment of Hyde. Henry's personal sentiments and upbringing had long driven his passions toward the cerebral, not the physical. In Hyde, the urges that Henry had shunted aside had gained control of him, and in the aftermath of the alter-ego's destruction, Henry seemed to develop a loathing not only for the beast that had controlled him, but also for all the passions that beast had seemed to unleash. Henry's behavior had always been chillingly proper, but now it was almost arctic.
All the same, as we worked side by side, I felt the bond that had once connected us so intimately reestablishing itself. Although the staid, furiously-controlled Henry never inspired the heady, reckless excitement that I experienced around Hyde, I nonetheless grew to understand how deeply--ardently--I was connected to the good doctor. And, in time, he made it clear that my feelings were reciprocated. A year after the specter of Hyde was laid to rest, we were joined as man and wife.
I will not pretend that my memories of Hyde's improper attentions did not occasionally resurface, nor that I did not sometimes feel a quickening of my pulse when I remembered the feel of his hands on my skin, his teeth on my neck. For the most part, however, those memories were tinged with a yearning that was intellectual, not physical yearning; a burning curiosity at the miracle my husband had wrought.
As my dear father's decline began to hasten, I decided to try my hand at replicating Henry's experiments. I soon found, however, that I faced several severe impediments. The first was that I needed to find a less destructive method for transformation than my husband's--Henry's experiments, which had involved repeatedly poisoning himself and thus generating a great deal of pain, did not fit into my goal of healing my father and reducing his suffering.
The second impediment was that I lacked Henry's resources: I was unwilling to test my compounds on myself, and was unable to secure test subjects desperate enough to submit to any dangerous experimentation. Most of Henry's test subjects at Cambridge were hopeless figures, culled from the lowest classes, and more than willing to sell their souls and bodies for a few cups of cheap gin. While he was easily able to recruit his patients in public houses and back alleys, it was neither safe nor acceptable for me to do the same.
This is not to say that I was completely without resources: Through my contacts at Bedford, I had gathered a small group of test subjects, culled from some of the lower-paid staff members and a few of the women who were there on scholarship. With their help, I was able to test many of my psychoactive compounds in controlled environments. However, given their status and gender, the more dangerous experiments that Henry had undertaken were clearly off the table.
While I was able to fashion a variety of psychoactive elixirs, I could not replicate my dear Henry's success at inspiring metamorphosis in the human body. Part of this, I suspect, was because my compounds were more subtle than his. Datura, liberty cap mushrooms, and the other naturally-occurring psychoactives I employed were able to induce altered states in my subjects' psyches, but they never caused the violent break that had led to the emergence of Hyde. More often, they resulted in extended periods of crying, delirium, and recovered memories. While many of my patients were energized by the treatment, none were physically transformed.
I found myself at a dead end, unable to induce a physical transmogrification, and thus unable to identify the actual blood-borne compounds that led to the aforementioned transformation. Eventually, of course, I reached the logical conclusion: I had at my disposal the only human who--to my knowledge--had ever transfigured into another person. If I could induce Henry's evolution to Hyde, I would have the first part of my problem solved; all I would then need to do is discover and isolate the bloodborne compounds that caused the change. If I could do that, I would have mastered the body's process of evolution. I could--theoretically, at least--then manipulate that process to inspire a body to heal, or grow, or mimic any of the other myriad mutations that are part and parcel of the normal growth and aging process. I could, in theory, find the tools necessary to heal my father's bones, knit his muscles, and (perhaps) even salve his spirit. It was a series of difficult tasks, but I knew they were all possible. And, I decided, I would accomplish them all, if only to find a way to alleviate my father's suffering.
And therein lay the first step in my ultimate betrayal of my husband.
*
When it came to Hyde, Henry had developed an aversion that bordered on obsession. To him, Hyde represented the ultimate loss of control, the ceding of his very self to a foreign intellect. After the events of 1886, he was single-minded in his desire to maintain a tight rein on his emotions, a preoccupation that touched on every aspect of his life, from the laboratory to the classroom to the bedchamber. While I believe that some part of him craved the freedoms that Hyde represented, those desires were vastly overshadowed by the terror he faced at the loss of himself.
If I wished to force my husband's reconfiguration into Hyde, I would have to conceal my efforts from him. I would need to create a new elixir that would inspire Henry's metamorphosis, but could be administered surreptitiously, ideally in food or beverages--and which would inspire a transformation after he retired to his bedchamber. Finally, the compound had to dissipate on its own, as I was unsure of my ability to force Hyde to consume an antidote.
So that was my goal: A flavorless elixir that would work in my husband's sleep to temporarily transform him, would leave no lasting effects, and would be indetectable. No small order, that!
*
I began with my usual psychoactive compounds, all of which had been part of my therapy for banishing Hyde. However, since my focus was now on inducing transformation rather than reintegration, I greatly increased the dosages, based on the assumption that a large quantity of psychoactives might inspire a sense of mania and delirium that could--in turn--induce the body to protect itself. In other words, I hoped to use the tools that had once healed Henry to create a sort of psychic discomfort that might take the place of the strychnine that had once tortured his body into transforming. Testing on some of my usual subjects suggested that this was a promising route.