"Hey dude, what's...What the hell?!"
"...What?"
"You literally reek of blood and guts right now. Like somebody got cut open and sprayed you with their blood. Or you came from a slaughterhouse."
"I still smell? I literally shampooed my hair each day, and I fucking put gel in it and cologne on. I still smell?"
"Yeah it's fucking gross! What the hell happened?"
"Uhhh..."
Friday night. Got too damn drunk and fucked up, take lots of pills for it, but I don't pay much attention to which ones. It's a miracle I didn't succumb to alcohol poisoning. Come home; puke my guts out in the toilet first. 90% accuracy, Rank: B+. Somehow manage to clean up the remnants before I go to sleep. Sleep for 9 or 10 hours I cant fucking count right now, probably less than 8 hours, sweat the booze out, wake up to the rancid smell of my sheets soaked in sweat, crap the booze out. I feel like shit, eat a solid breakfast of cereal, bagel, and black coffee. Remember hangovers involve being very dehydrated; drink a whole bottle of water. Headache is like someone is swinging a sledgehammer at my head, Take a lot of Motrin, Tylenol, Aspirin, and some other white pills I find in my cabinet. Go back to sleep, it's only 11 now, shit. Sleep is choppy, no dreaming I can remember.
Wake up to the horrible sound of my phone ringing and vibrating on my desk. It's my girlfriend calling: she wants to hang out. She can tell I'm hung over, offers some 'relaxation' and chill time. She picks me up, fully aware I'm incapable of operating a car right now, I'm still unable to walk straight, god bless that girl. She drives me over to her place. We watch some movie called Orgazmo with those guys from South Park. Pretty damn hilarious. The porno scenes get me horny. Start getting hard and don't bother covering it or fighting it. She notices my boner and likes the idea.
"It's the pleats, it's the pleats in the pants. it's an optical illusion," God I love Anchorman. She takes her pants off, revealing some skimpy grey lace underwear. I pull her panties down. For some reason I have this weird fixation of eating my girl out first but she's never had a problem with it. First lick: very strong flavor, normally I would ask what's going on but I'm too hungover to care. Truly one of the best things in life is the flavor of a nice pussy. It completes me. Spread her lips open with my fingers and rub my nose up and down on her clit. She moans heavily.
I keep going down on her until I notice she smells funky down there. The hangover is starting to end, the rest of my senses are finally kicking in. My higher mental functions are returning. She smells like she hasn't cleaned. She smells like iron...is she on her period? Please don't.