What occurs in the deepest depths, where the water flows and it's always wet? /
Slithering flesh, and centipedes, where monsters dwell, and often feed. /
So please take care, and take a torch, hide if you can, lest you be scorched. /
Guard your eyes, and close your mind, or you won't like what you might find.
She's often sweet, not hard to find; They always say that love is blind. /
She smells of dirt, and growing things, but what she grows is quite obscene! /
If you succumb to her foul needs, then you shall carry all her seed!
***
"Hey, who's that, Al?" Sam nudged his partner, who dropped his fork in disgust.
"Who's what?"
"That new girl. She looks plant based."
"So what? My meal looks plant based."
Al frowned, looking at his scalloped potatoes with longing. He'd give almost anything for an uninterrupted meal.
Al had been working with Sam for the last month. At first, their dungeon delving had been successful, the loot rolling in, but as of late they were barely escaping the treacherous flora and fauna with their lives.
It hadn't helped that Al felt less and less like he was pulling his weight on their runs. He had specced out as a tank class, but they were reaching levels where his gear was becoming ineffective.
On their last run, he had practically died while falling into a deadfall trap, and Sam had laughed in his face while extracting him. He shuddered to think what might have happened if he hadn't stashed that extra healing potion in his pack.
The paranoia that something was going to go wrong was getting to him. For their next run, he would suggest that they raid an easier area so he could get materials for some better gear.
He kept eating, ignoring his partner's ebullience, shoveling the potatoes in as fast as he could. He was dog tired, and just wanted some rest.
Monsters were not an unusual sight at the guildhouse. The discovery of a new dungeon had drawn creatures from all over. All of them trying to make a buck. They needed to eat just like anybody else.
Some of them flaunted their assets more than others, however. The guild didn't seem to care how their staff moonlighted. There were more than a few attractive guild workers who also worked as prostitutes. Whoever Sam was talking about was probably just one more.
"I wonder what sorts of sexual acts she can perform with those tendrils," Sam speculated, drinking a mouthful of beer. "I bet she's great in bed."
"Fine," Al sighed, tired of being distracted. He pushed his plate away and cracked his knuckles. "Who has the guild hired this time, and what kind of freaky sex acts are you thinking of performing with her?"
He turned and looked at the quest board, eyes freezing as he caught sight of a stunning plant woman. Curls of red hair billowed over her shoulders, running down to cover the tops of her breasts. She was wearing a set of living armor, twigs and vines curling out from all the attachment points. From her head sprouted a red flower, the interior colored a brilliant yellow. It tilted back and forth as she nodded, a faint sprinkle of pollen blowing off her head like dandruff.
She looked amazing, like someone out his dreams. Admittedly, his dreams were less ambitious as of late, but even so, he could easily imagine what might happen if he had the confidence to proposition her.
A bitter taste settled in the back of his mouth. With the way his finances were going, she was way out of his league. He'd have to grind for months to even afford a single night with her, and that wasn't likely to happen if he kept having to spend all of his hard earned cash on items to keep him alive.
"Gents," she declared, tapping a wooden rod against the bar at the front of the room.
Her voice was soft, but commanding. It drew your attention, like fresh beads of dew on morning leaves. He blinked, mesmerized by her presence.
Turning, she prodded at a series of quests which had been added to the board. "Several female adventurers have gone missing delving on the fourth level. This being a fairly innocuous area of the dungeon, the guild has decided to sponsor search quests for higher level male adventurers only to figure out what's going on."
A female ogre smacked an open palm on her wooden table. "That's blatant discrimination!" she declared, her eye bulging in its socket.
The plant woman looked away, not willing to face the ogre directly. "Sorry ladies, but the guild isn't taking any chances. Even if it's someone of your... caliber."
The ogre grunted and began to gnaw on a bone, grinding it into dust with her sharpened teeth. Her table mates pulled away, turning pale.
The plant woman smiled brightly, addressing the rest of the crowd. "Now, for completing these quests, standard rewards will be quadrupled and you will be given twenty meal vouchers."
The dwarf who was wiping down the counter paused and looked up at the crowd, which was making a sound of disbelief. He grunted. "It's already been paid for," he said with a high pitched voice. "No premium meal items... those are still priced regularly."
A small groan rocked the room, but Al could tell their excitement hadn't been dampened too severely. The chef was a four armed Naga, legendary for the rarity of her race as well as her skill at producing the best quality meals in the region. Of course they were interested.
He was interested, too, but any excitement he felt was tempered by the knowledge that these quests were too high level for him. He was already going to have to grind some of the lower difficulty levels to restock his inventory.
The plant based woman turned, her flower dipping as she smiled brightly. "Who's in?" she asked, grinning as a line of adventurers began to form.
"This is our ticket!" shouted Sam, punching Al's shoulder. "If we accomplish this quest, I'll bet we'll have the capital to push down to level twenty. You've been talking about that since you've arrived!"
Al nodded, his mouth full of potatoes. It was true. Level twenty was the gateway to the richest parts of the dungeon. If he could survive there, he could hire himself out as a guard to protect some of the mining operations, or even be a courier. He could ditch his tank role and get a job where his sole duty wasn't taking the hardest hits dungeon creatures could deliver.
"Let's do it! I'll go register us right away!"
Al frowned, swallowing his mouthful of food. "Hold on, there," he said, chasing the food with a draught of ale.
He lifted a hand and started ticking off points on his fingers. "I'm down to just the one health potion. On our last quest, we lost our rope escaping from a pit, and the lantern is out of fuel. We spent most of our treasure on new equipment and we can barely afford our night's stay at this inn."
Sam guffawed. "All the more reason to take this on! Come on, man, this is fourth level! A milk run! What have we been doing, tenth level? Whatever we run into shouldn't be able to get through your new armor!"
