(Please note in the UK several ex-mines have been maintained as educational tourist attractions, to show how men once worked and lived below ground).
Most Halloween stories you read are about fancy dress parties, where the wives masquerade as Little Red Ridinghood, drink too much and fall prey to the Big Bad Wolf or the Headless Horseman. Then, when the wife sobers up, she discovers to her embarrassment the big dicked mythical beast was in reality her neighbour or postman.
My Halloween story is darker than that and totally true. So read on if you dare...
*
"It is said that the phrase `bread cob` derives from the fact that the miners would throw some of their meal, normally bread, into the caverns as payment to the Coblynau."
The gaunt and sallow tour guide paused for dramatic effect as he narrowed his eyes and looked around at the group of shivering tourists. All were standing in the cold dank rock hell that was once Wales` biggest copper mine.
"Don`t pay the Coblynau goblin and he`ll cause a rock fall you`ll never escape from, which is perhaps why so many men died in these mines."
With another dramatic pause, he remained silent until he felt enough nervousness had built within the confines of the cavern. The tense unease caused the youngest child in the group to start quietly sobbing. Mission accomplished, the sinister man continued.
"Of course they were very superstitious back in 1820, working in candle light a thousand feet below ground can spook a man." Again the pause. "Or woman. We wouldn`t want to be politically incorrect now would we?"
Jittery titters escaped some lips before the guide cheerily shouted, "follow me and mind your heads." He strode off down a narrow gauge railway track used for moving ore in small trucks pulled by pit ponies.
While the rest of the group quickly followed the spooky leader through fear of being left behind, Ollie took the opportunity to pull me away from the others, allowing him to fondle my firm young tits in relative privacy.
He hadn`t been keen on the idea of a trip down a copper mine. It wasn`t his idea of fun, but when I said I wanted to wear a hard hat and slide down a long shaft in a cage, Ollie smelt the potential for fun and games. Not so much the mile high club, more like the mile down club.
His cold hands delved under my clothing and he quickly began to roll my nipples, bringing his hot lips to my delicate porcelain neck.
"Mmmmmmm." I reached backwards and grabbed his crotch. "I see Mr. Penis wants to come out to play."
He laughed, "yeah, even this place and your hard hat can`t dampen his ardour."
Reaching further around my body, he started to lower my jeans zip.
"Be quick, it's bloody freezing down here," I hissed.
One quick tug and my jeans slid down enough to expose my white buttocks to the icy air. His fingers delved between my thighs for a brief moment, checking my wetness and parting my lips before he released himself and entered me.
I placed my hands on the rock wall, bending at the waist a little more and grunted as he pushed his own sizeable truck up my sperm cavern. He knew I wasn`t exactly innocent. He`d fucked me the first night we met, in the alley at the back of The Stags Head. The whole village claimed to have fucked me but the truth was only half of them had and he loved the fact I was a dirty bitch. Because dirty bitches are fun!
He sucked his middle finger and slid it into my rear siding. I didn`t flinch, well, not until a waspish voice from out of the darkness breathed.
"Cobby can see you."
"Was that you?"
Ollie just kept thrusting, ignoring my question. He was reaching the point where he was oblivious to any outside stimuli.
Again the voice said, "Cobby can see you."
"You must have heard that?"
Ollie picked up his pace, grabbing my hair below the blue plastic helmet, pulling my head back, something I normally enjoyed.
"You perform for Cobby and Cobby will show you where the gold is."
"Get off."
I shook my head and pulled Ollie's hand out of my hair.
"I said get off."
"What? What?" Ollie at last realised something was amiss and stepped back.
"Didn`t you bloody hear that?"
I began pulling up my jeans while Ollie stood there with his cock sticking out at right angles through his flies, a bemused expression on his face.
"Put it away, someone is in the dark watching."
"What?"
"Will you stop saying what? We`re being watched, get dressed and lets fuck off, the creep is giving me the willies and not in a good way."
Ollie put Mr. Penis to bed and zipped his fly up before saying to the impenetrable dark, "come on then dickhead, let's be seeing you."
The dark answered with an unnerving silence and both Ollie and I felt the hairs on the backs of our necks rise. Now not feeling quite so brave Ollie grabbed me by the hand.
"Come on, let's go."
As we were leaving, I shouted over my shoulder, "if you`d kept your mouth shut we wouldn`t have known you were there idiot."
With macho bravado, Ollie added, "yer shit for brains!"
We both nearly lost control of our bowels when the waspish voice laughed.
"You`ll be back if you want Cobby gold."
That did it for me, we both picked up our pace and headed towards the exit sign.
Back at the pithead with clear skies above and bright daylight illuminating every corner, it all seemed a world away. Above ground where the fresh breeze tousled your hair and blew away your dark thoughts neither Ollie nor I could think why we had been so scared of a man hiding in the dark down a tourist attraction. What could happen? Like really? He wasn`t the bloody boogeyman.
It was later that evening on the way back from the chippy* that we spotted the cash machine. My fingers danced across the key pad as the green neon light gave my skin a colouring I didn`t want. The screen also gave me an answer I didn`t want.
"I can`t bloody believe it."
"What?"
"I`m over drawn, it won`t cough up."
"Well I can tell you now my 'mine' is empty."
"Very funny and tell me something I don`t know."
We walked back to the hotel in silence while picking at vinegar covered fried potato chips out of soggy paper, with me observing just how many jewellery shop windows offered best prices for gold. I also recognized for the first time how many souvenir shops sold plastic coblynau, cloth cobbies, cobbies on lighters, cob gnomes, cobby tea towels and numerous other versions of grinning Welsh coblynaus.
That night, once Ollie was asleep, I flipped open the laptop and Googled 'Coblynau'. It turned out it came from the German word Kobold, which is where the whole family tree of goblins, gnomes, knockers etcetera manifested themselves.
The more I read the more I believed Coblynaus existed and I fell asleep thinking about gold prices and gnomes.