Breaking Obsession

I was the new girl on campus. Seeing all of the regular students bounding through the halls was like staring at a book while you flip the pages. When I saw her, I came across the one picture in that book. She was that splash of color that instantly caught my eye. I couldn't take my eyes from her. I downloaded every detail in the five seconds it took for her to pass me.

I spent the majority of that year being a detective, and a stalker to some degree. The fact that Laura was a year ahead provided a challenge, but I made it a point to join all of the activities she was associated with. On the small campus of a community college it was easier to complete my mission to get close to her.

I remember the first time I was able to watch Laura up close. I know it sounds strange, even crazy to speak of her like she was some kind of strange specimen and not a girl, but if you could have only seen her. I was on the other end of a library table. When she glanced up at me my breathing stopped and when she looked away I could breathe again, just like that. The moment still brings a chill to my skin and the hair on my arms still stands on end. I can never erase the breath-taking splendor of looking into her eyes. They were large pale pools. I often found myself diving into them, swimming around, drowning under the weight of her beauty.

Laura was an old master's work, a Rembrandt, a Vermeer with perfect luminous skin. That day I caressed her skin with my eyes. I followed the smooth, lightly powdered surface of her cheek. Then slipped down along her neck, where her pale skin disappeared into her open collared shirt. I can literally close my eyes right now and sketch her face from memory ... such a beautiful face. At this point I couldn't care less what was inside. She could have been a regal bitch and if she were, that wouldn't have eased my want for her. Nothing could. Yeah, I went to classes and did the homework, but I hung around campus to see Laura and to be near Laura.

I guess it all came to a head one evening. At this point I had managed to make it into her circle of friends. I kept my crush, which might be the best way to describe it, a closely guarded secret. I suspect she didn't even know the way I felt about her or the way I fantasized about her. We were all piled into a car headed toward a party. She had blurted out that she had broken up with her boyfriend, Nate, the night before. A chorus of 'awwws' sounded through the car. I saw my chance. With the boyfriend out of the way I would be able to make my move. Gosh, thinking about it now, it all seems like such an underhanded, manipulative thing to do but you have to understand how much I wanted Laura.

That evening I cast myself as the supportive friend, innocent bystander. I watched her all too innocently avoid Nate at the party. She was doing a pretty good job concealing her feelings until she decided to force them down with beer. I decided to rescue her from herself around her fifth one. Even tipsy she was hot. Her blurry eyes didn't turn me off one bit. Helping her stand up straight gave me the long awaited opportunity to hold her close. I was able to feel her small frame against me.

Her full breasts pressed into me as she spun around, clumsily dancing to the music. I thought I would pass out from the sensations surging through my body. Every drunken touch was a stimulant calling my body to life. How ironic that her first real look at me would be through beer goggles. I felt that she looked at me though, really looked at me. Somewhere behind foam and MGD Laura and I connected.

I helped her to the car. I opened the passenger side and slid her in. She was limp with intoxication, but still sexy, still whipping up a fire within me that I didn't want to extinguish. Her words were slurred but all I heard was music. I took my time lifting her freshly shaven legs into the car, lingering at the baby soft place behind her knees. She let out a drunken giggle and I stopped. I ran to the driver's side. We were alone.

The party blazed on inside the house and I had her there with me in the front seat of a '96 Mustang. Unbeknownst to its owner, I was about to have the first kiss from the object of my desire inside the capsule of an American icon. After all these months of looking at Laura and admiring from afar I almost couldn't watch her. I was overwhelmed.

I heard a sigh and then she said my name. Her head flopped in my direction. It took a few seconds for her gaze to steady onto my face. She asked me if I thought that she was pretty. I almost laughed out loud. Did I think she was pretty? Calmly, I told her that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on and it was true. She replied with a laugh of disbelief and then began to blow awkwardly at a clump of hair that had fallen into her face.

I smiled at her dilemma and with my index finger, pushed the brown silken lock behind her ear. I allowed my finger to trail along her jaw line and stopped at her chin. She was breathing heavily. Her breasts were rising high and falling, teasing the fabric of her top. I watched them for a brief while before I looked at her lips. My finger was still on her chin. She didn't turn away. I drew my finger up and began to trace an outline of her lips. Again, I waited for her to pull away and she didn't. The moment I had waited for was here and I wasn't going to let it slip away. Cautiously, I leaned in toward her, allowed her to have a chance to put a stop to what was about to happen. The closer I got to her the better I could catch a hint of her soft, floral perfume.

My chest began to tighten with nervousness. I could have sworn that the temperature of the car had risen about ten degrees. I was nervous, excited and extremely aroused. Right as our noses touched, her lips willingly parted and I was thrilled. I pressed my quickly moistened lips fervently into hers. After the quick initial flash of contact I eased into a more tender kiss. Yes, Laura's lips were soft, and yes they pleased me, more than I ever could have imagined.

Again her lips parted, inviting my tongue. I slipped it inside. My tongue pushed past her perfect teeth, the tip gently tasting and exploring the inside of her mouth. For a while I tasted the beer but as she began to kiss me back she left a sweetness all her own on my mouth and tongue. I had to strain to hear the several quite moans that came from her. I slid my body closer. No sooner had I moved closer but Laura's moans got louder, but this time I was sure they weren't moans of pleasure. I couldn't pull my lips away though. Her lips were so wonderful and satisfying. Laura's hand on my shoulder stopped me and my eyes flew open as she applied pressure. She asked me what I was doing and my heart broke as she slowly wiped her lips with the back of her hand. The words were frozen in my throat. I almost chocked on them as the first signs of tears formed in their place.

It was in that moment I saw Laura look at me with sober eyes. Shame and disgust flashed behind her pale eyes, and then shot in my direction landing straight in my heart. Laura looked away and commanded that I find someone else to take her home. I tried to reach and touch her hand but she snatched it way.

Dumbfounded, I removed myself from the car. I glanced back on my way to the house, hoping upon hope that Laura would change her mind and invite me back.

I washed Laura's kiss away with several tall mixed drinks. I sat on the oversized couch and tried to forget the look on her face. My mind flipped back and forth between that image and the image of Laura's softened features as I prepared to kiss her. I don't know how long I was on the couch. I probably looked like a jerk sitting there, staring off into space as the hard liquor seeped into my bloodstream.

Some commotion from the next room broke my trace. A dizzying rush hit me as I stood. I walked to the doorway and from there I could see some female classmates seductively dancing in front of a group of guys. As the music played the females removed more and more clothing. Eventually each of them stood in the center of the room in their panties and bras. I scanned the room. There wasn't a prick in the room that wasn't straining against denim.

I caught sight of Nate. He was cracking jokes with his crew of friends, clearly enjoying the free entertainment. The half naked girls were ushered off to the side and then a boy stood on a chair and shouted for volunteers to get a lap dance. The room exploded with hoots and applause. Nate's buddies elbowed and shoved him into the center of the room. At that moment the devil on my shoulder whispered louder than it ever had. I took one last swig of liquid courage and pushed past the crowd to offer my services. I accepted my applause with a wave of my hand then commanded the music to start. For the first few measures of the song my feet were planted firmly in their place. Nate gave me a 'bring it on' gesture with his hands.

This wasn't a situation I'd been in before but I had seen enough movies where a woman stripped for a man. It wouldn't be hard to figure out. Plus, we were both lubricated enough that anything could have happened. I pressed this issue. I looked him in the eye and noticed that he wasn't even looking at my face. He just watched my torso, waiting for me to completely reveal what was underneath my top. It sickened me a bit knowing how strictly carnal and hormone driven this boy in front of me was. I know that it sounds hypocritical. It wasn't twenty minutes before this that I wanted the embodiment of female perfection in the worst way, but the sexual need seemed different coming for the opposite sex. His lack of interest in anything past my tits created a sad feeling inside me. In spite of that, I continued on.

I wanted him to want me. It wasn't an ego trip. It wasn't me needing to feel his passion for me. It was me needing to feel her through him. I straddled his lap and tugged my top over my shoulders. My dark curly hair splayed out like wild vines as the music pulsated through the room. Cheers and whistles filtered over to us as his eager hands clasped my breasts. I quickly took hold of them and pinned them to his sides. It was then that he looked at me, expressing his enjoyment of our little game. I pushed my crotch into his.

I wasn't surprised one bit to be pressing against the fullness of his erection. I wasn't surprised either that his smile got wider as I began to gyrate against it, mock fucking him through our clothes. I felt his hands attempt to reach up but I held him. I pushed my breasts into his face and pulled back as his tongue left his mouth to taste my skin. I laughed inside at his eagerness.

Nate was a typical guy. I played him like a finely tuned instrument. Ever note I hit created the perfectly planned response. As I untucked his shirt and felt his warm boyish flesh, I asked him if he wanted me. He responded with a typical lofted ego that he would fuck me till I couldn't walk. I had to suppress the pleasant sensation that challenge sent to my clit. I narrowed my eyes at him and he used his strength to free his arms and grab either side of my face. He pulled me down into him and kissed me roughly on the mouth. The crowd roared and it spurred him. His tongue pressed past my lips. I wanted to pull back but followed the instinct to return his kiss.

Nate broke our kiss then leaned in and whispered for me to follow him into a bedroom. He pushed me off his lap then led me through the pile of spectators with his arm possessively draped over my shoulders. The boys in the room catcalled and whistled. I didn't even bother to cover myself at that point. I just walked proudly out of the room. I wasn't a victim here. This wasn't about some jock getting a piece of ass. This was about getting what I wanted the only way I knew how. He gave the crowded room a triumphant pump of his fist as we exited. They all began to chant his name.

As we approached an open bedroom my heart began to match the frenzied chants of our audience. I wasn't nervous. I'd been with men before. Yes, men. This frat boy in the making was just a portal. I was anxious.

Before we were even half way into the room he was on me. His hands were moving across me like he was fumbling through his equipment bag. His kisses were wet and sloppy. The pit of my stomach turned with every clumsy caress. His large, mitt like hands covered my breasts. I heard him mumble an approving remark into my hair. As my nipples tingled against my will, I conjured up the mental picture of Laura's breast rising and falling in front of me.

Before I could stop myself I was doing the unthinkable. I asked Nate if my breast were like hers. He basted my chest with his tongue and muttered something. His strong fingers raked into my skin and pulled the straps of my bra down. All I could see in the dark room were Laura's clouded eyes, Laura's sweet expression and Laura's perfect form. I asked him again if my breasts were like hers. He paused for a moment before reaching down between my legs. He questioned whose breasts I was referring to.

It was the first time I had really looked at him since his full on assault of my body. He still had a boyish face. The large curls of his hair only accentuated his youth. He had a thin patch of hair on his chin. It was obviously meant to demonstrate the masculinity that he lacked. I looked into his brown doe eyes and told him that I was talking about Laura's breasts. I wanted to know if mine were like hers. He made the remark that tits were tits and he liked mine just fine. Nate removed his shirt and ordered me to take the rest of my clothes off.

What he lacked in casual appearance he made up for with his body. He was long and lean. I admired his athletic build, not out of desire, but out of sheer appreciation. I watched each muscle in his torso stretch and contract as the shirt came up over his head. I was stepping out of my jeans as his were easing past narrow hips.

I waited on the end of the bed. It creaked and popped under my weight. I watched him. I could tell that he had done this before. I wondered if he was going to be any good. In the long run it didn't really matter if he was any good or not, but if he was, that was a bonus. I was going to get what I wanted. I watched him close the door. A metal pop signaled that the door was locked. I laid back and rested on my elbows.

I think about it now and know that I must have been in a haze, a broken hearted trance. The liquor that night helped, but my state of mind was all fucked up and twisted because of Laura. Her kiss was a narcotic pulsing through my veins. I wanted more, more than she ever wanted to give. All I saw coming toward me was Nate's tight, hard bulge inside white fabric and at the same time all I could think about was feeling Laura's lips on mine. As this sophomoric lover, emanating his powerful male scent, climbed on top of me all I could smell was the bittersweet aroma of Laura's skin.

In my mind, her mouth responded to mine the way his was doing now. In my mind, at that very moment she was allowing me to lightly touch her teasing breast and suck on her mocking tongue. I shut my eyes tightly to concentrate on the events in the Mustang. I was becoming aroused. Was it because Nate was fondling my crotch in a surprisingly skillful manner? Was it because Laura was finally telling me she wanted me close to my ear? Was it my moaning I heard or was it hers? Could it have been his? I didn't care. I let my body ride the hedonistic wave.

I spread my legs, naturally, instinctively. I verbally welcomed the swollen shaft inside me. Laura's face hovered over mine. I leaned up to kiss her again. Nate spoke. It was something raw and dirty. It reminded me that my dream was just that. I stared fully into his eyes. In the low light I explored what I could of his face. I asked him if this was the way he fucked Laura. I asked if her pussy was wet and tight like mine. I asked him if Laura spread her legs willingly for his cock.

I imagined her receiving pleasure, her eyes drifting shut as a veil of sensuality transformed her sweet face. My mental imaginings excited me. I reached between us and rubbed my clit. I asked him if her clit swelled and became visible like mine.

I queried his mind about her. I hoped to bring her to the surface so that I could lick her from his skin. My head began to spin. It spun in a dizzying loop ... from the alcohol or from the all too real wonder coursing through my honeyed walls. Laura's hands griped my breasts, massaged them with the rhythm that matched the pace in and out of my pussy. I sunk into the bed under the weight of her memory. All the while I was verbalizing my wants and pleasure. Nate mumbled something about me distracting him and he covered my mouth. His palm ground my lips into my teeth hard enough that iron tinted saliva coated my tongue.

As he approached climax he pulled out of me and laid his slick, twitching member on my stomach. His body was flinching with his release. When the orgasm subsided he rolled off of me with a heavy sigh, then he called me a whore. The syllables mixed with his sated breathing. He could very well have said "more", but "whore" is what I heard.

I lay there, naked, my skin hued with exertion. The word splashed on my sensitive skin like acid rain. My pores drank it up. When the humid, organic odor of his spunk hit my nose I felt my stomach retch. I ran the short distance down the hall to the bathroom. I puked. I'm not going to get philosophical. I like to think that it was the mind-altering substances I had pumped into my body that night that made me ill. I emptied the contents of my stomach then looked into the mirror. I knew the real deal. While I dabbed the pool of future idiot jocks from my stomach and pubic hair I realized that I felt as empty as I had before. Nothing had changed.

When I went back to the room to get my clothes he was already gone. I dressed, retrieved my shirt and slipped out unnoticed. How I got home and how I spent the remainder of the weekend isn't important. You want to know what became of her, my Laura.

I can tell you that however it happened we didn't even cross paths the following Monday morning. I kept a lookout for her. I ignored the disgusted expressions and glances of suggestion from a few other party goers. Their opinions never concerned me before and they weren't going to now. Toward the end of the day I was beginning to think that Laura had decided to stay home, but I caught sight of her making a beeline for me from the other end of the student union.

When she reached me she simply said that we needed to talk and then suggested that we go to the parking lot. I followed a short distance behind her. Each bounce of her hair fanned the mixture of shampoo and her natural scent my way. I stuck my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and pulling her to me so I could spend the afternoon with my nose pressed lustfully into her skin.

She unlocked her car and told me to get in. I sat rigid in the passenger seat. Without a word she started the engine and drove quickly out of the parking lot. I turned to look at her. Her profile was expressionless. Laura didn't acknowledge that I was in the car other than advising me to put my seatbelt on. The silence was suffocating. The close confines of her car refused to give me the erotic enchantment from the night before. I was uncomfortable and began to fidget. I think now that she spent those first several minutes collecting her thoughts as we drove aimlessly around town. My mind pieced together scenarios and possibilities as to what she could want to say.

Laura broke the silence as we turned out of the city limits. "I just wanted to say," were her first words. My hopeful heart completed her sentence with, "I'm sorry for treating you that way the other night". God, I wish she had said that. Instead, she wanted to tell me how disgusted she was with me. She was shocked and hurt by my actions. She wanted to know what I was thinking fucking her boyfriend. I looked at her hands on the steering wheel. They were clutching it tightly, so tightly that the blood drained from her knuckles.