The thing about aliens, is that they're alien.
Sometimes we don't understand their motivations.
Sometimes we can't understand their motivations.
Take the Bobson jars.
No one has ever given even the vaguest reason for their existence or even a reasonable use for one.
They aren't jars.
They aren't vases.
They are made of something like glass but totally unbreakable.
They don't have a flat bottom, so you can't stand them up except in a rack designed to hold them.
What possible use could they have?
Alien relics are all over the Galaxy.
People are constantly finding new troves.
They are the modern-day treasure hunters.
There is no guessing how many civilizations there have been, that have died out. Most leave cities, some reasonably intact.
Our antigravity plates came from a lone treasure hunter, and now the Russell family is unfathomably rich.
Bill Bobson was one such treasure hunter.
He found a warehouse full of funny glass jars.
The warehouse was well sealed and filled to the rafters with crates upon crates of oddly shaped glass. All different sizes but all the same basic shape. Some longer and some wider.
Upon accidently dropping one of the crates, he knew he had something. An awesome packing material. Or unbreakable glass. Either would be incredibly valuable.
He took out one of the glass vases and threw it into a corner of the warehouse. It sounded like glass hitting but it just bounced off, unbroken.
"Yes" he shouted. "I'm going to be rich!"
He picked up the vase and looked at it closer. It had a flared opening at one end, then narrowed down to about ten centimeters for about a third of a yard with a slight bulb at the end. Pretty much like a flower vase, but with a round bottom.
"How do you stand this thing up" he mused.
After repeatedly smashing it, really hard, against the floor, he convinced himself it really was unbreakable. It didn't show any signs of abuse. The glass was absurdly clear. It didn't even take fingerprints.
The inside surface seemed to be totally frictionless.
He was feeling the inside with his fingers when he felt something like a suction. He explored a little further and the suction grabbed his fingers and started pulling his hand in. He pulled his hand back, but the suction was too strong.
Soon his whole hand was being squeezed into the jar.
Then his arm.
When his fingers reached the bulb at the end they naturally curled into a fist. His hand and arm up to the elbow, was now inside an unbreakable glass jar.
This of course threw him into a rage, and he started trying to smash the jar. Never mind that his vulnerable wrist veins were almost certain to get cut if he succeeded.
He never succeeded.
To this day they are called Bobson Jars in his honor.
52 years later. Planet Hubert, system 61 UMa
Being only 30 some light years from Earth, Hubert was one of the early colonies. Considered Very Earth Like.
Slightly lower gravity. Very small ice caps. Thousands of small to medium sized islands. No large predators. And now a rapidly expanding population.
My name is Paul. I work at one of the universities. Being a colony, I still have to multitask somewhat.
I teach Archery, Medieval history, and I'm the I.T. guy for the college. I had been daydreaming that day while I was waiting for the main server to upload the latest updates from Earth.
See there's this girl on the campus. Girl, woman, lady, a female of my species.
She happens to be somewhat noticeable.
I've heard it rumored that she is a 38HH. That's from a lez that supposedly saw her bra size. Like I said she's noticeable.
Her name is Mary, and she hasn't been here long. She teaches xenoanthropology.
For some reason there seem to be a lot of students taking her classes. Mostly male students.
Anyway, in my dream, I was on the archery range with my big compound bow, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw her being chased by a bear.
We don't have bears here.
So, the bear had just caught up to her and caught the back of her dress with a claw, ripping the dress right off. I let fly with a broadhead at 90 lbs. Caught him right in the neck.
He turned to look at me and I put a second into his heart.
After seeing that he was down, I turned to the now naked Mary, and the computer went "Bing".
Shit.
Oh well, in over a year, I had never done more than say "Hi" or "Good morning" to her anyway.
I decided there was time for a quick run before my late class, so I went to the gym and changed into shorts and a t-shirt.
I was just coming back from a 6k and heading for the locker room for a quick shower, when I heard something ahead of me around the corner.
There were hushed urgent male voices I thought I heard a female making mmmff noises.
Got to be my imagination.
As I turned the corner, there was nothing. I looked both ways, no, nothing there. Huh.
Well onto that shower.
I used my key card to access the locker room and walked in.
As I rounded the corner to my locker, I was surprised by three young men in masks. One was doing something to Mary on one of the benches.
She was gagged and tied to the bench naked. She didn't seem happy to be there. Two of the youths turned to face me.
I think they must be on the football squad as they were huge. The third finished doing whatever he was doing to Mary, looked at me and ordered "Pants".
I was still standing there in shock. Mary was prone on the bench with something going on with her breasts.
Something I couldn't see clearly.
The two jocks were on me in a flash and pulled my pants down.
A good move as I would have to take the time to pull them back up to chase them or defend myself. Then they were out the door.
I was trying to get one leg out of the shorts, so I could chase. What's a little nudity in a situation like this?
The shorts were caught on my shoe, of course, and I was trying to extricate myself when the third kid ran past me and slapped something on my dick.
What the hell?
I finally got the shoe free and took off after them.
I hadn't gotten more than a few feet when something grabbed me by the dick and flipped me onto my face.
I landed badly and had the wind knocked out of me.
What in the blazes had happened?
As I recovered, I looked down and saw a glass vase like thing on my penis.
What in hades was that?
It was like a penis pump made of glass.
And it was on.
I was being sucked in further and further.
I grabbed hold of it and tried to pull it off.
Really tried to pull it off.
The vacuum was too strong.
Where was the off switch for this thing?
It was all glass. There weren't any controls or batteries or anything.
Then I noticed it was constantly pointing at Mary.
