Amorous Goods: Witch Problems and the Cursed Pen

Prologue:

A lifelong collector of goods and objects from far and wide has passed and left the entire collection and the business built around them to the only remaining relative, a niece on a career path of her own. Vikki has taken on the task of administering the estate and liquidating the business and collection. However, she has come to find out that many of the goods have been cursed or enchanted with amorous powers that affect those who encounter them. These are the stories of some of those encounters with objects found at

Amorous Goods

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Everyone in this story is over 18.

Many of these characters appear in my other stories but you don't need to have read those to understand this stand alone story. This is a stand only story that details the events after Witch Problems / Random Dick Suck at the Library and leads to the events in Valentines Day Virgin Sacrifice.

Timeline and characters:

The Hunchback, dressed as Uncle Fester, also appears in Witch Problems and as the POV character in Random Dick Suck at the Library, which occurs a few days before the events in this story.

Morgana appears as the POV character in Witch Problems and Witch problems: Lesbian triangle.

Arlo the necromancer, dressed as Gomez Addams, appears as the POV character in the Reason for the Season and E-Written Jack The Giant Killer. both of which occur years after the events in this story.

Jenn, Gillette, and Sarah, dressed as members of the mystery gang, appear in the Valentines Day Virgin Sacrifice, which occurs a few months after the events in this story. The cursed pen from this story will play a role in that story arc.

Vikki, of course, as owner of Amorous Goods appears in Amorous Goods: Exorcist Rings, about a possessed man trying to escape the nuns who want to cut his dick off. She also appears in everyone else's Amorous Goods story.

***Outside of Boston - All Hallows eve, Late 1990s

"Hello there my good man. I couldn't help noticing you loitering in the darkness behind some bushes in my front yard. Care for a cigar?" the man stepped out of a shadow in front of the large, ancient, Victorian house. It appeared to be abandoned for decades but there was music and flashing lights coming from many of the windows.

"I'm agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. I've been assigned to a missing person case." the man dressed as an FBI agent whispered.

"In that case, you've come to the right place. People frequently go missing from my yard. I'm Gomez by the way. Gomez Addams." Arlo said.

"I think some suspects might've entered into your house." The G-man whispered. "I might have to go in after them."

"In that case, I'd better go welcome them to my home."

"No, stay down. Don't let..." Agent Mulder looked around but Gomez had stepped into a shadow and just disappeared. The G-man quickly made his way to the house.

*****Boston -The present day

"I want to talk to whoever's in charge." The man slammed his fist on the table. "I bought a clock here the other week and it was cursed."

Morgana stepped out from one of the back rooms in Amorous Goods. "How can I help you? A cursed clock you say, which cursed clock was that?"

"You know damn well what clock I'm talking about. I bought it here two weeks ago, then my dick got possessed by demons, and now it's been cut off and burnt by some nuns from the Holy Inquisition." the man hissed, his face red with anger. "This is all your fault. Bitch!"

"Oh, I remember now. That clock from Arkham Mental Asylum, the one they used to time how long the inmates were under water when they water boarded the homicidal maniacs."

"Yeah, that's the one. I'm suing your asses. I tried to use that clock to mind control this succubus I summoned into my slut neighbor, instead my dick got possessed and cut off." the man pounded his fist on the table a few more times. "I own this place, I own your asses. When I get done suing you, you'll wish you had never met me."

"I already wish that." Morgana smiled. "SO... let me understand this. You used black magic, demons, and the condemned souls of the violently insane contained within a cursed clock...in a plot to rape somebody using mind control... but now you want to sue us because you're surprised there were negative consequences from your supernatural rape plot. Does that sum it up?"

"YES. NO! WHATEVER. Here's a lawsuit, I'm serving it on you myself. Sign that you got it or I'll make your life a living hell, and give me a pen so I can sign that I witnessed it." the man yelled.

"There's a story behind this pen." Morgana smiled as she took the ancient gold and ivory pen out of its engraved bamboo case and handed it to the man.

***Outside of Boston - All Hallows eve, Late 1990s

"Freeze, FBI. Nobody move." The G-man barked as he stepped into the room with his gun drawn "What's going on here?"

"I'm sick of having two ass holes. I'm really sick of everyone trying to suck my enchanted dick to gain magic powers." Uncle Fester squealed, pacing about the room as best he could with his hunched back. "I can't take it anymore. Sorority girls, witches, Frat boys, yoga instructors, bankers, old wizards with their nasty Rasputin beards. Everyone wants to suck magic power from my dick."

"He was cursed by fey. We're going to fix it with a magic rite." Morticia Addams explained. "Care for some tea?" She was sitting off to the side, drinking tea from a little cup, watching as a woman dressed as a sexy Velma dripped blood onto arcane symbols surrounding a pentagram on the floor.

In the center of the pentagram Buffy the vampire slayer squatted down with her red leather pants down around her ankles. Under her a sexy Scooby-Doo lay flat on her back, her small red strap-on dildo buried deep in Buffy's ass. "Is it in? I can't tell." Sarah asked, her sexy form fitting Scooby-Doo outfit getting stained by the blood slowly snaking it's way past the arcane symbols.

"You're in her about half way, Sarah." Gillette answered, her Shaggy costume looking out of place with the large dildo hanging off the front.

"Yeah, I can tell, you're all the way up my ass Scooby-Doo. Just don't wiggle." Buffy the vampire slayer panted a little annoyed. "And don't use your real names, we are dealing with a fey curse, this is not a time or place to use real names. Okay, Sexy Shaggy get your dildo in my pussy."

"Those shape-shifting Reptilians that run the government promised me the government would stay out of it tonight if I let them suck me off." Uncle Fester asked Agent Mulder. "What are you doing here? Are you here to suck my dick?"

"What are you even on? I don't want to suck another mans dick to gain super powers." Agent Mulder raised one of his eye brows. "This costume party is messed up. You people are a bunch of freaks. Magic not real. This is..."

Arlo cut him off. "We're almost out of time. Uncle Fester. You got one chance to do this right. Take this pen, then step into the pentagram. Dip it in the blood while saying 'the pen is mightier than the sword'. The pen is going to heat up really hot, real fast. Raise your Uncle Fester robes up and tap the pen three times against the bare skin of each of your three cursed body locations. Then hand it slowly to Buffy. Any questions? No, okay go."

As Uncle Fester tapped the pen against his hunched back, it cracked a little as it stretched and straightened out. Next, he tapped it against his tiny gray penis. Within seconds it ballooned out into a large thick 7 inch cock of normal dick color. Finally he tapped the smoking hot pen against his second asshole, which sealed closed before the very eyes of the mystery gang and the G-man.

"Okay, that pen is radiating Pure Evil. Capital P. Capital E." Arlo cautioned as smoke poured off the hot pen. "That pen has now been used as a sin eater."

The G-man had his pants down around his thighs as he stepped into the pentagram and grabbed Sarah by the hair. "My dick is mightier than your mouth." He laughed as he shoved his dick into her mouth. "I have no idea how you did that. but you freaks on are something."

"What the fuck! You ever hear of consent. You can't just penetrate some random person without their consent." Buffy hissed as she glared at the man.

"Whatever, like you could tell the police. You're the ones doing crazy Satan stuff and..." The man dressed in a FBI agent costume smirked. The smirk was wiped off his face a moment later as Buffy crammed the hot pen all the way up his bare ass. "What the fuck, who do you think you are?" The man flailed about as he tried to pull the smoking pen from his ass before finally pulling it out and throwing it across the room in a rage.

"I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer." She snarked back.

*****Boston -The present day

"Wait a second. This pen's been up David Duchovny's ass? What the fuck is wrong with you!" The disgusted man gasped as he hurled the pen across the room. "All I asked for was a pen to sign that you received the lawsuit. I didn't want a backstory for the pen. I didn't want to hear about your skanky Halloween party back in the 1990s. And I sure as shit didn't want to be handed a pen that was up some guy's ass. Maybe I should sue you for that too."

The man stormed out of the store, slamming the door angerly behind him before stomping off toward his car parked across the street. He almost made it before the semi-truck plowed over him, brakes squealing as it tried to stop. There was little more than a bloody puddle where the man had been standing after nine of the eighteen wheels on the 18 wheeler had gone over him.

Morgana turned to the young owners of Amorous Goods. "So anyway, that is how we handle lawsuits brought by anyone who purchased a cursed item. Have them come in in person with their receipt and a copy of the lawsuit or complaint against us. Get them to throw the cursed pen and let the pen do the rest. Now, who's up for some ice cream?"

"So you were Morticia Addams at the party?" Vikki asked.

"No, of course not. My roommate wanted to go as Elvira but got nervous showing off that much cleavage so she buttoned up her front a little and claimed to be Morticia." Morgana explained.

Vikki gave her a puzzled look. "So you were sexy Scooby-Doo?"

Morgana smiled at her. "No...I was Buffy. Now who wants ice cream?"

"Well, wait. What happened at the party, what happened to the guy in the FBI costume?" Vikki asked.

Morgana shrugged. "I said, he threw the pen, the same thing that happens to anyone who would a throw a thrice-cursed object. I think I'm in the mood for chocolate fudge ice cream."