I am a systems and procedures analyst and a damn good one. Now, I know you are thinking: 'What a boring job!' Well, since I am self employed it is not really a job and also maybe not boring the way I do it.
The latest system I analyzed is an illegal drug acquisition and processing center. My analysis focuses heavily on the cash flow side of the operation. I then use the information gained from my systems analysis. When the amount of cash on hand is expected to have reached a practical maximum, I attack a weak point [actually several weak points] in the operation and, in the vernacular, 'rip off the sumbitches' for several million dollars in cash.
Now you are probably asking, 'Why would a man rip off a drug dealer? He might anger the dealer and those kind of guys are not the kind you really want angry at you.'
My answer is relatively simple. I like the idea of being a sort of modern day Robin Hood, stealing from the evil rich and [eventually] distributing some of the money to the poor. Also, the evil rich tend to have a hell of a lot more cash on hand than either the honest rich or the poor.
However, it is observant of you that you should mention that I might leave the drug dealer and his pissed off men rather angry at me. Since I have anticipated the anger of those I left poorer and little wiser, I have equipped myself properly.
I am driving a Camaro, of fairly recent vintage, although not new. The Camaro has seen some major professional modifications from what was originally provided by General Motors. The suspension is the same general thing they use in NASCAR, except that the racing boys have to follow certain rules, I do not. The engine is a 383 turbo unit, built for long distance use, rather than drag racing. As a result, the Camaro has to just do the best it can with only 728 dyno proved horsepower at 6600 RPM. There are cars that can catch my Camaro and you can see most of them racing at the Indianapolis 500.
I leave the drug dealer's facility with my 'laig in the injection' as they say. I quickly outdistance the drug dealer's boys [and several law enforcement boys as well, the Camaro is fast but not all that quiet.] Once I have achieved separation, I leave the main highways and begin to use the side roads I have scouted out for my escape. I will deliver the Camaro to the garage where I had the car built and swap 'Fast Freddy' for a more civilized vehicle. Fast Freddy will then be sold by the garage to someone far away and my escape will be complete.
I have run fast, far and cleverly. However, just when I am ready to really lose myself in the boondocks, a road I need is blocked with a nasty traffic accident. I do not want to try to edge past the police investigating the accident. In any case, a night's sleep will leave me in better shape to continue safely. If I do need to again outrun some of the drug lord's searchers and/or the police, I don't want to try it as tired as I am.
It is Xmas eve and the malls are still crowded with last minute shoppers. I park Fast Freddie in a well lighted mall lot and stroll into the mall. [I should note here that Fast Freddie is protected by a state of the art alarm system and sports a little sign which states 'In case of emergency I dial 357.']
I wander through the mall, dodging insane little kids being chased by frantic moms. It is not too long before I see what I am looking for.
My target is a fairly attractive young lady with the empty eyed stare of a woman with no family, no friends and no hope. I let her run into me, pushed by the mobs. As she clutches me to keep from falling, I ask, "Why so sad on this day?" She doesn't want to answer, but I have a light hold on her. I then say, "Come and share a bit of my good fortune!"
Before she can tell me to screw off, I have gently guided her to a stand where the Sisters of Charity or something are selling egg nog with the proceeds to the two headed orphans. I secure two steaming paper cups and we sit in a semi-quiet nook with the holiday mob streaming past. We toast each other with the egg nog.