Chapter 2: Anger, Alienation, and Aspirations
It had been about a week since the dream I had had, where I thought I had been fucking Dana. My heart still disappointed that it did not actually happen, but a new resolve in myself to never let it actually happen. I loved my wife, and this all needed to stop. I did not want to do something that would ruin what Julia and I had built together.
I was sitting at my desk, my mind wandering, my brow furrowed, staring blankly at my computer screen. "Hey stranger," I heard her voice ring through my head and I jerked my head up in reaction quickly.
"Shit!" I yelped as pain shot through my neck. I instantly shot my hand up to grab the back of my neck to rub the pain out.
"I'm so sorry!" Dana said frantically. She came around to the back of my desk and placed her hands on my neck. I drew my hand away instinctively as she began to massage my neck. Her fingers were cool against my neck, and goosebumps spread all over my body. Her fingers felt soft and smooth...and wonderful. I sucked in a breath.
"Dana...I...I don't know...what are you doing?" I asked, falling all over my words. My cock was hardening as her fingers were working out the knot that had formed in my neck. I placed my hands over my lap to hide my growing erection as she continued to press into my neck with her soft, feminine fingers. All I wanted was to swing my chair around and grab her, pulling her into my lap. The thought of doing that caused my cock to swing into full gear, pulsing and pressing up against my hands trying to keep it under control.
"I'm just trying to get the knot out of your neck," Dana whispered, her lips pressed against my ear. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up in response, and I moaned in reaction. I wanted to take her in my arms so badly. I wanted to press her body up against mine, to do to her everything I had dreamed of doing to her.
"What...what is going on?" I jumped at the sound of Julia's voice, I stood up quickly from the chair, nearly knocking Dana off her feet. Dana stumbled backwards and I reached out my hand to steady her, all the while my eyes on Julia standing in the doorway of my office.
"Babe, it's not what it looks like," I stammered, staring at her.
Julia's eyes were filling with tears, and Dana still stood behind me not moving just staring at Julia. Julia turned to walk away and I stormed out of my office after her. I caught her by the arm. "Baby, Julia Baby, come here." Julia turned and her hand made harsh impact against my cheek. I shut my eyes against the sting. I was sure she had left a handprint on my face. People in the hallway stopped what they were doing at the sound of the impact.
"Let fucking go of me," Julia hissed harshly at me, aware of everyone staring at us. I lowered my eyes to the ground, and I dropped my arm from her hand. Julia took one last look at me, tears streaming down her face and walked away towards the parking lot.
I looked back and saw Dana standing in my office doorway, staring at me. I shot her an apologetic look and started after Julia. I needed to talk to Julia. I need to be honest with her about everything that had been going on. Or the lack of what had been going on, but more of what had been going on in my head.
I found Julia sitting in the car, her head in her hands. She was sobbing, her small petite shoulders shaking violently. The door to her car was open, but I dared not get too close, knowing that what was going through her head was the worst thing that could possibly have happened to us. I felt like we had stood there for hours before I finally tried to speak.
"Baby, nothing happened...I need you to believe me. But I do want to tell you some things." Julia looked up at me. Her eyes were swollen and red, her cheeks glistening with the remnants of her tears. Red splotches covered her beautiful face and her blue-gray eyes were filled with pain. I knelt down in front of her in the parking lot.
********** Some time later ***********
That day I had explained to her everything. I had explained how I had been having fantasies about having sex with Dana, but I explained that nothing had ever happened with me and Dana. I told her how I was attracted to Dana, had had daydreams, and actual dreams of having sex with Dana, but that I wouldn't act on it because I loved her so much.
The hours had turned into days and the days had turned into weeks. Julia and I had worked through what had happened that day. However, Julia struggled with wanting to be intimate. She said she needed to work on trusting me, she stated that she had a hard time knowing that if we were intimate that I wouldn't be thinking about Dana. I couldn't blame her, not after having explained to her the dream as well as my thoughts of at times desiring Dana while we were being intimate.
However, I'm a man...and try as I might, it was still hard to not think about Dana in a sexual manner. The very way that Dana moved her hips, the ways in which she looked at me from across the conference room whenever we had team meetings, the way in which she would find a reason to text me late at night...all of those things excited me, and try as I might, I couldn't resist peaking. I couldn't stop the surge of excitement that would shoot through my cock, hardening it as I watched her purse her lips, the edges curving into a smile as someone said something funny in the staff meeting. God her lips were plump and full, unlike Julia's. Julia's lips were pretty, but simple and smaller. Diana's lips were plump in all the right places, but still natural. She often wore red lipstick, and I wondered if she reapplied only when she knew I was watching. She would push her lips out and rub the end of the red lipstick over them, and then making a kiss with her lips. It would send chills all the way down to my soul.
But, as I was already in the doghouse with Julia over the issue, I avoided any individual contact with Dana. I avoided being the last person out of the conference room with her, I avoided individual supervision with her, insisting instead that she complete supervision with her other supervisor. Dana still sent me those late night texts though, and though I would never admit it, I waited for them. If they didn't come one night, I would go to sleep disappointed.
Julia had taken big steps in saying that she would start to trust me again. Her exact words had been "I'm going to trust that you won't do anything to hurt me." But as I looked at the phone, wondering if Dana would text, I felt that ache inside of me again. Why couldn't life be easy? Julia was working late tonight, so I had the house to myself. I flipped through my phone to look back at the picture of the group at the club. The picture that had started all of it. My crazy obsession with Dana.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I was aware that my dick was responding to the beautiful woman in the picture, as it had for the past several months now. And just as I was about to put my phone down to pull my cock out of my boxer briefs, the phone dinged. It was Dana.
Dana: Sorry it is so late. I have a work question, can I call you?
My heart started to beat fast in my chest. Julia wasn't expected back for at least another hour.
Me: Sure. I'll call you, give me a minute.
I took a deep breath and pressed the call button next to her phone number. Her voice rang through my ears as she answered the phone immediately on the first ring. My cock pulsed and began to harden at the sound of it.
I cleared my throat, "Hey, what's up?" I said, making my voice as even as possible.
