Ok, the story goes like this. The old man cut out when I was six. Mom raised me until I was 14 and then she cut out with some ass hole from Hollywood.
Seems like Mom and Hollywood got in a bad car wreck out on the interstate.
So, here I am at 14, the mofo what in complete charge.
I go down to the kiddie high school and set up a work-study type thing with one of the companies out in the big industrial park. I have to fib about my age, as they do not allow children of 14 to be exploited. I mean, 16 OK, but 14 no go. (I have no idea why; donât ask.)
The insurance settlement from Momâs death is a cool $100,000. Nice, but not enough to retire on. So, I get a fairly decent two-stroke motorcycle and work things out with the heat so I can ride back and forth to work and the grocery store with no license. It is an easy sale, as otherwise I might be a heavy financial drain on the state.
I spend my first two years at work working on the big new computer installation. They got a new building and all kinds of communication gear. Since I am just a kid, I get to crawl around the ceilings and tug the new wiring into place. I keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open. When the contractor walks out, I am the only one who knows enough to finish the job.
With the work and school thing, I am a total unknown at school and just the kid who crawls around the ceilings at work.
Down at Willieâs Joint I am the guy who cleans up the Friday night Texas Hold âEm game. If I donât have some break from school and work, I die.
My last two years of high school and work are kind of strange. A big company buys our little local operation and a couple of sharpies come in to run the company. Run it into the ground, that is. Since I am really running the computer operation by this time, I can see what is happening but I can do nothing. Well, not quite nothing. I buy something called puts. They are a stock type of thing and get real valuable when a companyâs stock price goes down. I run the $100,000 into $2.3 million after tax over two years. This includes laundering something like $200,000 from Willieâs Joint. I also do a couple of other creative things.
Just before I graduate from high school, the feds come in. I get called in to this room with three FBI (or whatever) guys.
âYou are Joseph Riley?â
âNo, my name is Joe Riley, just Joe, not Joseph.â
âMr. Riley, you have been buying puts in your companyâs stock for over two years. Do you want to tells us why?â
âYeah, my boss is a dumb mofo. If they got a guy like that in charge and the rest of the ezecatives donât know, stock gotta go down.â
âAre you acquainted with any of the ah . . . ezecatives?â
âWell, except for my boss, no. I shoâ would like to get acquainted with Miss Rhone, the big bossâ secretary. I hear the bitch can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch from 20 feet away. However, beinâ a minor child, I wouldnât know first hand about anything like that.â
âVery interesting, Mr. Riley. However, you donât know anything about the day to day operations of the company?â
âWell, I understand that Cohen, the mofo CEO rippinâ off a piece most evâry day from his secretary. I shoâ would like to get at that hot ass bitch myself!â
âWe were thinking more of the financial side.â
âWell, they say that Ms. Anderson over in accounting will put out for $100. However, beinâ a minor child, I wouldnât know first hand about anything like that.â
âWe meant company financial side.â
âWell, they say Miss Closse been rippinâ off like $50 a week out of petty cash to support her live in boy. Mofo be a stone wimp. Donât know why she bothers.â
Strangely enough, the feds do not press me too hard for more info.
The new management comes in. The CEO calls me in. âMr. Riley, the company is in difficult financial straits. We are going to have to operate in a much more efficient manner.â The sumbitch pauses for some kinda effect.
He turns and gives me the executive stare, âDo you think you can run the computer operation?â
I say, âI have been doing just exactly that for almost two years. I make up the schedules, write the reports and see that the work gets done. For the last six months I have even written the employee evaluations.â
The CEO and I had a longish talk. There were some real issues, but I had the computer data to let us win. The CEO then made his first offer.
The CEO says, âExcellent. Your boss no longer works for the company. You are now the IT Department Manager. Your salary will be increased to $55K per year.â
I say, âAt that salary, I would be the lowest paid IT Manager in the city and by quite a margin. Plus, I can do more that the other IT Managers.â
The CEO leans forward. âHow?â
I say, âYour predecessor looted the company and thinks he hid his share in a bank down in the West Indies. However, I run the company computers. The money is sitting in a bank in KC. You tell me where and you got it back Monday morning.â
The CEO kind of leans back in shock, âWhat do you think you are worth?â
I tell him, âThe average salary for an IT manager is $83K per year. Since I am young, I will ask $80K per year.â I get it!
I have now graduated from high school and I got me a position. I am 18 and I decide that the next thing I need is to check out the local cunt.
Now, Heather is the hottest babe in town. She, like I, just graduated and her old man was a Senior VP at my company. I say was. He got the heave-ho along with most all of the top management.