(This was a message to a pen-pal from many years ago, after she had suddenly moved to the coast.)
***
Drifting off, eyelids heavy. Sleep approaches. Shoulders and hips sinking deep into the mattress. Wind picks up outside. I hear TV weatherman saying it's going to be breezy tomorrow in Wilmington. Mini-blinds over bedroom window rattle. I'm sailing away...
The curtains in your bedroom window billow softly in the Wilmington breeze. Like some weird incarnation of Peter Pan, my bare feet come softly to rest on your hardwood floors. You're sitting on the side of the bed - just about in the middle, your long legs crossed at the knee - and you look up at me with a bright, accomplished smile. You've just lit the last of about 30 candles. The room literally flickers in anticipation of what's ahead.
I move to stand to your right, between you and the head of the bed. Your shoulders are square, your hands are resting softly in your lap. Your smile follows me as I approach, and now you are looking up at me. Seconds pass as we gaze wordlessly at each other, each determining the pace of the impending connection. An unspoken message is sent and received: Let's take it slow.
My right hand reaches out. The tips of my fingers lightly touch your cheek. It is warm... alive... electric. You close your eyes as my fingers move around your cheek... across your chin... over your brow... before returning to linger, just barely touching your lips. The line between them parts as your pounding heart forces you to take a gasp of air. My fingers pause and the tip of your tongue reaches out to moisten my middle finger. The saliva is cool against my hot skin, and I then lightly stroke my moistened finger over your lower lip.
Then the tactile tour continues. Both of my hands are now cupping your jaw, curling around the back of your head, running through your hair, passing lightly over your ears. Your head tilts and moves along with my hands in a steady, silent swoon. My heart is now pounding to match yours, and I can't help but pull you forward toward my upper abdomen. It's an awkward hug, but you compensate by rubbing your cheek against my T-shirt and turning your head to kiss my stomach through the soft fabric.
Your hands now move from your lap and reach out to rest on my hips. You direct me to your left, and in the process you uncross your legs and guide mine to form a sandwich of your left one. Our hands linger in their positions; mine cupping your head and stroking your hair, yours resting against my hips. But with just a beat I feel you pressing my hips downward toward the floor. I follow the motion, continuing to hold your head in my hands. You reveal your strategy by tilting your chin toward the ceiling precisely as my nose and mouth approach yours. And we pause, perfectly poised for a kiss.
Our noses are side-by-side, blowing warm exhales against the lips and cheeks of the other. We pause for a few seconds... five?, seven?, nine?... waiting to see who will make the first move. Your lips part first, and the kiss begins.
A slight twist of the head and our lips brush together. There's no pucker or smack or perceivable end to the motion of this kiss. Another brush, punctuated by a lick of your own lips, then a lick of mine. Now more moist, and another brush... this one punctuated by a linger... a twist of the head... a soft and gentle churn of lips against another.
Kisses have been described as a speedometer of action, and a barometer of passion. Our kisses are like a car idling at neutral at the first of a series of hills. Once the kiss begins the car begins to roll... slowly at first, but then gaining speed and intensity before passing the bottom and slowing up the next rise. Another position, another experiment in technique, and the car begins to roll again down the next, steeper incline. Gaining more speed... hearts racing faster... roller-coastering to the next incline... the next pause before it all starts again.
I am now enthralled at the wet, soft, warm caresses of your lips against mine. I draw your upper lip between my own with a slight sucking motion. I lightly bite on your lower lip, pulling it down a little bit. As I release it, you let it drag back up over my lower lip, exhaling hot breath over my face before you parry the pas de deux with licks from your tongue, nibbles from your teeth. Our breath is racing... our hearts are pounding.
My right hand moves from the side of your head to the back of your neck, pulling you closer and keeping the connection going. My left hand drops to adjust the odd angle at which my penis is caught inside my boxers. At that action, our wrists touch and your right hand captures my left. You begin to softly intertwine your fingers with mine, adding a whole other tactile level to the kiss.
I have been bent in an awkward half-lean and I need to change positions. I choose to sink completely to my knees. This motion reverses the respective inclines of our heads, necks, and faces. You are now in the dominant stance... your face over mine. And you start to influence the pace and direction of our encounter.
The tongue is perhaps the most erotic instrument ever created by the Gods of Passion. And you begin to show me how you have been an apt pupil of their teachings. In your now-dominant position, you begin to explore. You begin to taste. To tickle. To probe. A flick of tongue against lip. A trace of a line across my upper teeth. A parry into my mouth to tease my tongue... then right back out again, lest the passion build too quickly. My only defense is to periodically break our kiss and focus on your jaw... then your neck... then your collarbone. But that marvelous tongue always brings me back.
But as noted before, kisses are also the barometer of passion. And our exercise thus far has brewed up the makings of one incredible storm.
On my knees before you, I am at a decided disadvantage; my angles are all askew. So, my creaking back now rested, I rise up to my feet and put my hands on your shoulders, gently pushing you backwards onto the bed. I move my hands up your sides and up your arms, gently holding your hands over your head. And now I go to work... on you.
Kisses on mouth. Ears. Cheeks. Jaw. Neck. Nibbles and nips around and behind your most sensitive places. My left hand holds both of yours in position over your head, and my right one moves to find your breasts. Softly cupping the tender tissue... quietly kneading... a slow squeeze, a soft release. Your nipples are pebbles against the grain of your tiny-strapped 'T'. I move my hand to the bottom of it and slide back up within... skin against skin. Back to your breast to softly roll the nipple between my fingers...then to nibble it lightly, through the fabric, between my teeth... your back arches and your breath races. I release your hands and they run wildly around my hair... down my back... grasping my T-shirt to pull it over my head.
I stop to allow that, then lift your 'T' up and over your shoulders, head, and arms. And now, both topless... we pause...
The candles flicker with a rich golden glow. They reflect in your eyes. They glisten off of your teeth and your come-hither smile. They give a soft, warm, pulsating pattern to the naked sites before us. Our eyes are taking it all in. Our chests are heaving. The whole room seems to pulsate with desire. But this is a now-or-never moment. We stand balanced on the fulcrum of turning back, or forging ahead. We're paused in the matrix of the next decision that we'll make... expectant yet unsure... delirious with both anticipation and anxiety. I'm staring down at you lying half-on and half-off the bed. You meet my gaze, then glance at the candles - which seem to suddenly flare a little brighter - and then at the curtains - which softly but intently billow inward with the onset of a new, stronger breeze. And I feel an unseen force carrying me forward... into my desire... into my destiny.