When babies are born virtually every one of them comes out of the womb crying. Charlie Green didn't defy this statistic; BUT... from then on he was anything but normal. On the morning after his birth, the nurse brought him to his mother and said, "Ms Green, you have the best baby in the whole world!"
"What do you mean?"
"I've been in pediatric nursing for almost fifteen years, and I don't ever recall a newborn that never cries. Trust me, everything seems very normal, but little Charlie here hasn't cried at all."
"Oh my God!" said his mother, "Um, this isn't a concern?"
"Well, you'll be going home this afternoon; your chart says your doctor will be here between 10:00-11:00. Let's see if he cries before then; but other than that, I don't see anything wrong with him. Let's see if he'll nurse a little bit, okay?"
"Okay." Charlie's mom opened her robe; turning on her side she offered a nipple to her nestling, firstborn son and (after touching his lips with it three or four times) he latched right on! She looked up at the nurse and smiled.
"See! Perfectly normal response there! I'll come back in twenty minutes."
A short while later Charlie's father arrived and after some discussion and watching the baby closely, he said, "Know what, honey? This might be one of those bell-curve things; obviously some kids might cry the most and some the least. We may be on the lucky side of this!"
Charlie still hadn't cried when their doctor showed up at 10:30. They told him and his eyes registered surprise, but after examination he just shook his head and said, "I don't see anything abnormal here. Seems like you can relax."
Five days later he still hadn't cried. His mom checked him regularly and changed his diaper; they kept him on a recommended feeding schedule; Charlie slept a lot but never woke up crying. She was becoming concerned again until one day she accidentally dropped a book she had been reading and it landed on his foot. Charlie jumped and then wailed in surprise! And then he cried...a lot! His mother laughed and said it right out loud, "Oh Thank GOD!" This little part of the story was retold often in the ensuing weeks and months and everyone always laughed!
No, absolutely NOTHING was normal for Charlie Green. Fifty examples of this could be listed, but perhaps two will suffice. When he turned four years old he was already reading at the third grade level, and when he was ten, he had transformed their guest bedroom into an electric train layout that any model railroader would have envied. Every year in elementary school (after getting tested,) he was always put in the accelerated classes. As it happened, finances in the Green family were never a problem as both of his parents worked in the engineering and tech fields of a highly profitable corporation. As a result little Charlie's interests ran along the same lines. Again, "average" was not in his job description. Everything was lining up for him, that is until he got to junior high; that was when the bullying started.
One of the key events in the "bullying" process happened in the summer before he entered 6th grade. His parents were given a promotion, and the company transferred them to the new subsidiary in Springfield, Illinois. Obviously when they enrolled him in his new school he was a complete unknown; and as that goes, he gravitated toward the nerd side of the "cool" bell curve. That category found him making several friends, but also a bunch of egotistical "enemies."
There are ten to twelve classic reasons why kids get bullied; Charlie didn't have all of them, but the four most prominent ones he displayed were more than enough to draw the wrong kind of attention. In no particular order he was not all that good looking. It wasn't that he was ugly, but his face and physique did him no favors. He was skinny and wore glasses, and he always tucked his shirt in. He was smart; too smart; so smart that a lot of the teachers put a spotlight on him which didn't sit well with several boys in his class. Then there was the fact that he was quick-witted, which sometimes displayed itself in saying things before he thought about the wisdom of such words. It often rubbed the bullies the wrong way. And finally he liked girls; A LOT! In fact, he made a study of them. Girls liked the way he treated them, and THAT pissed off the bullies even more! Let's not bore you with bullying stories which almost always ended with Charlie climbing out of a garbage can or thrown in the pool with his clothes on. The best story was when he had an inspiration of sorts.
One night in the summer before high school, he was lying in bed and a thought hit him like a bolt from the blue. He even said the thought out loud, "Maybe I should study boys as well!" and so... he did! His research about girls had taught him to play to their emotions but in a very respectful manner. Just so the reader understands how Charlie worked his strategy for females; there was one day in the first month of eighth grade where he rounded the corner of the hallway and heard two boys picking on a couple overweight girls by the lockers. He didn't hear everything they said, but he did hear the word "fat" and the faces of the girls told him the rest. The bell rang, the boys left, and Charlie went up to the girls. Rather than repeat some trite platitude about how beautiful they were he said, "Don't listen to those assholes, girls; they wouldn't know beautiful if it kicked them right in the balls!" They burst out laughing; but the best part was, he had two more friends for the rest of the year!
With boys though, his research said he needed to appeal to their ego. Kissing their asses was not the way to go (not that he even wanted to do that anyway!) No, once he realized what needed to be done he spent the entire month of July before his freshman year of high school developing a strategy. On the first of August he went to his high school, sought out the football coach, and volunteered as a team manager. Charlie HATED football, but this was about the next four years and winning a war. Most of the enemy were going to be football players, and this was about "keeping your enemies closer."
On the first day of fall football practice, one of his eighth grade bullies saw him and said, "Hey NERD boy, what are YOU doing here?"
Charlie had his speech ready, "I am here to serve Springfield High School and this football team; and I'm going to be the best manager you ever had. I think a good football team is an awesome way to serve our community, and I'm going to do everything I can to help make YOU a star!"
"How? By being a fuckin' schmuck?" Several of the players snickered.
"Nope, I just told you I'm going to represent this team the best way I can! Will YOU allow me to do that?"
"What if I don't want you around?"
"I would say that would be too bad for someone to get cut from the team before their career even starts. This conversation is being recorded!"
Another player with a better head on his shoulders said, "Well, that settles that!" He turned to the bully, "Let's get on with making Springfield a great team!"
Thus, Charlie's first year of high school went pretty well; and as it turned out, he actually WAS the best manager the high school ever had. He was so good that at his senior year sports banquet, he was awarded a varsity letter for football and the team gave him a standing ovation! But now this is getting ahead of the story.
No, nothing was normal, and this was never more apparent than when he turned eighteen a month into his senior year. Now we can mention his sexual equipment! As an eighteen year old man/boy, it was almost grotesque that a slender, 5'10" nerd with glasses would have an erection that was 10+ inches long and above average thick; but that's what bell curves are all about, right? Charlie never had a girlfriend all through high school and was still a virgin Thankfully, his parents were quite approachable regarding sexual education when he had questions about such matters.
So on the first day of school that year (and for the first two weeks leading up to his birthday,) he spent a good part of each day checking out his female classmates and plotting the loss of his virginity. It helped a lot that his best friends (that he met in junior high,) Julie Schenk and Mark Frazier, could act as consultants. They had been friends going on seven years now, and Charlie might have considered Julie for his virginity project except she was dating Mark! He was not at all about taking advantage of his besties!
One thing that complicated the search was the fact that Charlie didn't want to waste time developing a relationship with a girl just so he could fuck her. He had specific goals he wanted to accomplish before graduating. Having a girlfriend was not one of them. Julie was always trying to play matchmaker, but on this point Charlie wouldn't budge. Just when it looked like the search had reached an impasse, there came a Thursday in early October (one week after his birthday) when the three of them sat down for lunch in the cafeteria.
Mark's innocent question started it, "So Charlie, did you make any progress in the search over the weekend?"
"Yeah," Julie added, "that birthday party at Ellen's was packed; I saw you talking with quite a few girls there. Any developments?"
"It was fun, but practically everyone there was in a pack with their friends or with their "other." The opportunities were limited."
All of a sudden, Julie seemed to have an epiphany of sorts, "Hey, wait a second; at one point I was standing behind Carrie McMaster and Jenna Slater. Did you know that Carrie broke up with Daniel?"
"No, I thought they were tight."
"So did I, apparently they broke up a week ago."
Mark said, "This is news to me; like you'd think this would have gotten around.""
Julie nodded, "Okay, well... the music was loud but I heard Carrie say that Daniel had become clingy and controlling."
"Uh-huh, that's interesting," said Charlie, "but you sound like there's something more."
"Carrie said something like she could have tolerated it if Daniel wasn't such a bore in bed."
Charlie's ears perked up, "You clearly heard her say that?"
"Oh yes, she said sex was boring; I heard that for sure. But then I thought I heard her say, she never even had a orgasm with him. The music was real loud then, but that's what it sounded like."
"God, this is interesting," Charlie replied, "the only issue here is Carrie's an 'elite.' She seems nice enough, but she's in the cheerleader clique. She might not even talk to me."
"Could be worth a try," Mark added, "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Humiliation?"
They all laughed, "Nothing we haven't experienced before," Mark replied. That brought more laughter!
"I'm gonna think this over," said Charlie, "but it's the most promising idea yet. I just have to get past the intimidation part."
Mark guffawed, "Intimidation? If she ever got a look at you then SHE might be the one who's intimidated!"
The guys chuckled but Julie didn't, "What does THAT mean?"
"Huh?"
"What you just said, that Carrie might be intimidated?"
Mark shrugged, "Oh, it's nothing."
Julie pursed her lips, "Now wait a second, you two throw out some mysterious comment like that and then you want to pretend it didn't happen?"
Charlie looked at Mark, "Big mouth, now what?"
Mark turned to his girlfriend, his eyes looked sideways, "Uhhh..."
"Just tell me you asshole!"
"Okay, Charlie's packin'."
Julie stared at them for several seconds and then the light came on; her mouth dropped open, "Oh my God...really?"
"Yeah."
"How do YOU know this?"
Mark blushed, "I've seen him naked, we've seen dozens of naked guys."
"Yeah, so?"
"He's huge."
Julie shrugged, "Okay, but there are a lot of factors involved."
Mark looked at Charlie and pleaded, "Would you help me out here?"
Charlie chuckled again and said "Okay, since you're an asshole, I'll have mercy on you!" He turned to Julie, "You know what a 'Bell Curve' is right?"
"Sure."
"Well I'm in the 99th percentile!"
Julie's mouth dropped open. "What?"
"You heard me."
"Why have I never heard this before?"
Charlie shrugged, "I don't think there's a girl in the school who knows it; why should you be the exception?"
"We're your best friends!"
"Yeah that's true; okay then, tell me how big your nipples are?"
She stopped short and blushed, "Uh, well okay, I see your point."
Charlie gestured toward Mark, "In asshole's case here, he came right out in gym class one day and asked me how big it was when erect. He is definitely the only person in this school who knows."
Julie hesitated, "So, how big is it?"
Charlie pursed HIS lips and stared at her for a good ten seconds. Then he said, "How big are your nipples?"
This time without hesitating Julie said, "Maybe two inches."
"Puffy?"
