Which Wife? 04

Which Wife? 04

"Well, this is awkward, Ben."

"Well Mrs. Miller, you should have said something before we engaged with each behind the Boat House then."

"Well Ben, it's been a while since a man has put his hands on me and to be truthful, it felt absolutely amazing and I didn't want you to stop. But we stopped in time, right Ben?"

"Yeah, but, Mrs. Miller, you let me literally put my hands on you everywhere before you confessed that your daughter, Mookie, has a crush on me, so."

"Well, I'll check back with you in twenty years after you've gone twenty years without being properly sexed up and we'll see how you feel then, so. I mean, we can just forget all about this then, right?"

"OMG, Mrs. Miller, I just released on your bare ass and all, so!"

"But it can be a "oops" moment, Ben, I mean, call my daughter right now Ben and ask her to be your Mookie Moo Wife, Ben. I mean, tell her that I bent over to pick up some empty cocktail cups and then you "accidently" humped my crack behind the Boat House, Ben, I mean, Ben, make things right for me, Ben."

Well, I'm sorry folks, but I can't deal with all that right now. I mean, I may or may not marry Mookie and make her my real Mookie Moo Wife someday, but how do I justify "accidently" hot dogging her mom behind the Boat House? Huh?

"Well, I've seen young people perplexed before, Ben, but you're looking a little lost right now, so?"

"OMG, um, hey, Mrs. Nickels, I mean, accidents, right?"

"Hmmm, like a young person accident of getting a boner for one of these old hags or an accident that needs medical attention? Hm-mmm?"

"No, um, I think Mrs. Irving slipped a blue pill in my energy drink or something, so. Anyways, can I mix you a cocktail, Mrs. Nickels?"

"LOL, oh no, young man! I mean, look around at half of the women here today, Ben. I mean, LOL, the word is that your garden party ice tea cocktails are responsible for all those spread legs, LOL. Besides, my little Benny Poo, you don't need to get me drunk to lay down with you, you just need to make me your very own Neptune Wife, that's all."

"Ah, my Neptune Wife, Mrs. Nickels?"

"Hmm, I like things way out there, Benny Poo. I mean, other than it's dangerous, reckless, illegal and very uncomfortable, is there any reason why we can't jump in one of your mom's boats, untie it and hump our way down the river, huh? You can hump my mouth all the way down the river, babe."

"I mean, that would be dangerous, reckless, illegal and very uncomfortable, Mrs. Nickels, but does over the washing machine work for you tonight?"

"That's for amateurs, Benny Poo, but alright as a Monday night fall back, so????"

"Well, it seems to me that a good Neptune Wife would be open to, um, open to doing it, um, doing it, well Mrs. Nickels, doing it in your living room in front of the window with the curtains open, so???"

"Huh, well, that's alright for a Wednesday night, but it's Saturday, Benny Poo, so???"

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it! Ben, don't so it!

"Well, I just texted my friend Riley and she's a boat pilot, so she can pilot us safely down the river, so????"

I mean, Riley is cool and Riley is a great river boat pilot and Riley has made an appearance in a few stories, so some of you may be familiar with her. And if you're not familiar with Riley, well, she splits her time between being a soft-spoken boat babe and a screaming boat PILOT!

"Hmmm, and will this Riley person get all riled up from seeing you and I river floating in a very personal manner, Benny Poo?"

"Riley is comfortable with life and we wouldn't be her first passengers that engaged in a very personal manner and she knows the river like the back of her hand and all, Mrs. Nickels, so."

"Oh, I see, well, will you introduce me to this easy-going Riley chick as your Neptune Wife then?"

I mean, why not, right? I mean, one of you was going to shoot me first anyways, right? And be quick about it, folks because Riley lives just down the street from my mom and she can be at the garden tea party quick!

"OMG, Riley! I'm so glad to see you, sweetie (kiss, kiss). I mean, your momma is here, if you want to say hello. And be sure to tell her that she looks amazing in her sundress, hon."

"Mom, mom, leave Riley be and all. She's just here to float a couple of us down the river and it's starting to get dark, so."

"Shut it, Ben! I'm PILOT and it will only take me a moment to say "hey" to my momma, so!"

I mean, adjust your scopes folks and take the shot because this isn't going to go well. I mean, Riley went that way to say "hey" to her momma and Mrs. Nickels went the other way to do something, so for a few moments, I mean, I was just standing still, so.

LOL and then I was late getting down to the dock anyways, so you missed your chance, folks.

"Hi, ah, I'm Ben's Neptune Wife, so????"

"It's cool, Mrs. Nickels. Ben's a good guy and his mom and my mom are tight, so. Anyways, I'm peeking piloting and that's that, so."

"Oh, well, I hope things are worth peeking at then, I mean, is there anyone at this garden party that you want to bring along, Riley? I'm not very shy and all, so?"

"I can stop by the Hamburger Dock and pick up Jake then?"

"Well, you're the pilot, so."

"Well, I am PILOT and I believe in safety first, so?"

"I'm not afraid of a few squirts of man juice. Oh, you were speaking of boat safety then, Pilot Riley, um, I will obey, captain, I will obey."

"Oh, oh my, uh, hmm, well then, I like Ben's Neptune Wife better than I like Ben then, so."

That time when you couldn't move your feet because a conversation between your Neptune Wife and her Neptune Daughter was becoming so intense, right?

"So, Pilot Riley, I mean, you and this Jake guy, mm-mmm?"

"I mean, we're on a path and all, but he has never unbuttoned my river shorts like you just did, so."

"Oops (mwah, ummah, ummah, mwah, ummah, mwah), sorry captain."

"Well, I mean, I mean, just to keep things from getting weird if you're going to lip lock me like that then, I mean, I'm not the Neptune Daughter then, right Ben's Neptune Wife?"

"Ooh, um, that would be weird, so, I mean, isn't it about time that this Jake had a Neptune Girlfriend then?"

"Well, that's what Jake wants and Jake would really like that, but shouldn't we include your Benny Poo in these decisions?"

"He can hear us. LOL, he's frozen in place for watching us introduce ourselves, but I made it very clear that I'm his Neptune Wife because I like things that are way out there, so."

"Well, I mean, you should teach a class about how to be so gentle with your fingers and all, so."

[Mwah, ummah, ummah, mwah, ummah, mwah.]

Oh, for the record, no one on the planet had ever seen Riley so quiet and relaxed. Also, I mean, I should be moving right? I mean, I was beat from the day I had with all my wives at the garden party, but as a closer, I mean, my feet should be moving, right?

"Oh, well, I mean, I mean, I guess, I mean, whew, I mean, I guess I'll try to be the best Neptune Girlfriend for Jake that I can be. I also assume we're taking the pontoon boat for the flat surfaces and the bench seat then, so anchors away????"

"Well, we should drag my Benny Poo onto the boat first and all, so?"

Alright then, being walked down the rest of the dock with a woman holding each arm wasn't the worse thing in the world then, so.

"Ben, we're friends and all, so tell me right now if things are getting beyond weird and tell me true while we all still have a chance to stop, so?"

"Goo, ag, ag, ooh, woo, ahh, ag, ag, goo, ow, um, whoa, huh?"

I mean, I clearly said to hit the throttle and point the pontoon boat downriver, right?

"Well, I heard Benny Poo say that I could slip out of my garden party dress now, so don't get alarmed. I mean, leotard body suits are actually one of the best things a lady's closet, so."

"Ha, ha, ha, hah, hah, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, ow, ow, ow."

"(Fuck, I hope I have that body in twenty years!). Keep a hand on a rail, the rolling currents are creating waves, so."

"Aye, captain, but captain, permission to show the other wonderful thing about a nice leotard????"

"Ugh (fuck, I hope my tits are that big in ten years!), permission granted, but watch how you help my Jake onto the boat in a few minutes!"

Oh, so, so, a nice elastic body suit just let's them pop out like that and then kind of hold them in place?

"Captain, I mean, I haven't even seen him in the flesh yet and I'm his Neptune Wife, but this bulge, right Pilot?"

"Ugh, I may or may not have had a chance to spy him once, but only once. I mean, I think his ex, Gigi made a mistake by dumping him, so."

Oh, I mean, I'd have that conversation with Riley a little later, right? I mean, she spied me once? I mean, when, how and why, right? But for now, well, let me get back to my "Olympic sized bulge" and my Neptune Wife, so.

"(SOB, I'm one frustrated Pilot, right now!) Alright, (OMG, she's just rubbing Ben like that!), I mean, we're picking up my Jake and then heading to Turner's Point where I'll tie us off for an hour or so, so keeping hanging onto to Ben's rail, I mean, keep your hands on firm rail until I slip slide us up to the Hamburger Dock."

"Aye, Captain! I have a very firm rail tightly in my grips, although you already know that with the way you keep turning your head and all, so. Also, Riley sweetie, do you mind if I untie your bikini top from under your t-shirt?"

"Oh, I mean, shouldn't I at least take my t-shirt off first, Miss Neptune Wife?"

"Not necessarily babe, it may come into dramatic effect later, so. You're still young honey, so you'll learn a few things. So, I mean, I'm proposing a battle of the suck offs to get things started then."

I mean, no, I had no idea what the hell was happening around me, but I did feel that Riley pushed the throttle forward just a little, even though I wasn't sure why. Also, I felt my Neptune Wife pushing my throttle just a little too.

Also, I mean, leotard body suits, right? Um, I mean, every woman should a few in their closets, right? And I don't care that my Neptune Wife already mentioned that. Somethings bare repeating, so.

[Boat slows and slip slides near the dock and wow, this Riley chick really is a boat pilot!]

"Ahoy mates [jump]! Oops, ah, am I breaking something up here?"

"Hi, um, I'm Benny Poo's Neptune Wife and you must be Jake, so?"

"OMG, Ben, dude! I mean, where is the beer at? Also, um, is this a naked boat float? And Riley, I can peek at her tits if they're already out, right babe? I mean, I love you and all, but with the full moon coming out and with her tits already out and I mean, it's all cool, right Riley honey?"

Oh, so old friends just get busy with catching up then? Oh, and yeah, I was basically the only one who wasn't in a swim suit and I didn't get the memo that one who should always wear a swim suit under one's shorts when attending a garden tea party on the river and OMG, my Neptune Wife was still just rubbing my throttle!

"Jake, at least let me tie off down at Turners Point first, I mean, I am PILOT and all, so. Aw, screw it [whips t-shirt off, LOL, struggles with whipping off the untied bikini top, LOL, wrestles with the whole dramatic effect thing]. Jake, I'm your Neptune Girlfriend now, so????"

[Pilot pouts needlessly over breast size differential.]

Here's the thing about Riley, LOL, she's PILOT, so she does all that boat stuff all by herself!

"Jake, you can take up to three photos of me tying off the boat topless, but no more than three, mister! I'm your Neptune Girlfriend and not a Neptune Girlfriend for the lurkers on Chang, so!"

I mean, three, seventeen, seventeen per all three of our camera phones, I mean, it's all the same thing, right?

"(Ben, that body. I mean, you're hard for me still, right Benny Poo?)"

"(Yeah, 20 has been very kind to Riley and yeah, I'm only hard for my Neptune Wife, so.)"

"(Ben, give her an ego boost later and remind her that her boobs still point up towards the North Star and all, mwah, OK, babe?)"

Well, they do, do that, so. Um, someone once said they were puffy banana boobs, but I was never quite sure what that meant, so. Well, I did just as soon as Riley finished up with her comical ripping off of her t-shirt and loose bikini top, which was much more comical than dramatic, but yep, just as soon as they stopped jiggling, yep, they pointed straight up to the North Star!

"OMG, I confess you guys, I confess, I've never with Jake! I mean, with my mouth and all, so. I'm the worse Neptune Girlfriend ever, so."

"Oh, well, do or don't do Riley, it's all cool. I mean, I'm getting busy on my man, so."

OK, OK, OK, folks, I mean, I mean, the phrase "I'm getting busy with my man" are the best words ever spoken in the history of the world! Oh, I mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Especially when those words come out of the mouth of a Neptune Wife who knew how to get busy with her man! Even when her man was wearing out quickly from the active day he had already had. And yes, I know I already mentioned that too, but somethings bare repeating.

[Dueling dates get started. Slowly, but surely.]

Also, well, I mean, it was cool that my Neptune Wife lent a helping hand and a few tips, right?

"Blow it straight to the bottom of her belly, Jake, make her your Neptune Girlfriend for life!"

I mean, it was cool that I lent my helping hand and brought things back to where they originally started, right? I mean, those words, right? Keep busy over here! With your man, right?

Well, it wasn't fair to judge me against Jake's staying power and all because I had been at it all day and all, so. I mean, I was whipped that I didn't even care that my Neptune Wife again chipped in by, um, does one tickle the balls or flick at the balls? I mean, my Neptune Wife was using her fingers much like the hand gesture that often means "you owe me money", so, well, my Neptune Wife was lending a helping hand and that was that, I guess. I mean, I was gone, so.

"Uh, uh, uh, uh, ooh, OMG, ooh, uh-ho, uh-ho, uh-ho, oh boy, hmm, hmm, hmm."

[The North Star babe on the right has a full belly.]

"Ahh, ahh, finally, ahh, Riley, I mean, Neptune Girlfriend, I will never leave you, ahh."

[Don't gag, don't cough, swallow, ewe, don't gag, don't gag, smile, ewe, don't cough, ooh.]

"(Mwah), I love you too, Jake. So, Miss Neptune Wife?"

"LOL, oh, you're PILOT alright babe! You throttled right through that, so share with me?"

"You mean, like kiss you?"

"Hard. The boys won't mind, right guys?"

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ooh, ooh, ooh, ha, ha, ha."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, ummah, mwah, ow, ow, ag, ag, ag, ah, ag, ag, ag, ummah, mwah.]

"Fuck! [Boing!]"

"Fuck! [Bonk, huh?]"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, ummah, mwah, ow, ow, ag, ag, ag, ah, ag, ag, ag, ummah, mwah.]

"SOB! [Boing, boing!]"

"SOB! [Bonk, what?]"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, ummah, mwah, ow, ow, ag, ag, ag, ah, ag, ag, ag, ummah, mwah.]

"I'm dying! [Boing, boing, boing!]"

"I'm dead! [Plunk, damn, I'm out of boing then?]"

I mean, when I came to, we were back at my mom's property and Riley had already tied the pontoon boat up, so.

"(Mwah), that was phase one, Benny Poo."

"I mean, Neptune has many phases, right Mrs. Nickels?"

"(Mwah), more than the moon baby, more than the moon (and by the way, Jake fucked the hell out of your little friend Riley right in front of me and I learned a few things, so.)"

"You mean, I was all passed out and stuff and missed some stuff then?"

"Ahh, you looked so peaceful all passed out, Ben. I mean, the word is that you've had quite the day at the garden party anyways, so."

"But I only love my Neptune Wife, so???"

"(Mwah) and your Neptune Wife loves you too, so phase two will be coming soon. (Also, feel free to bring those two along any time, sweetie.)"

"I mean, it's starting to sound like I missed a lot from being all passed out then."

"(Mwah), call it night, Tiger, call it a night. (I learned a little something about rolling it doggie style, Ben from watching your friends go at like they never went at it before, so.) Well, I mean, um, Ben's mom has her Luau party coming up in what, three weeks, so, I mean, are we a dating foursome now or what?"

"I mean, I'm in, I mean, Jake, are we in or what?"

"Oh, we're in and I think the four of us should get together in advance of the Luau party to, you know, sharpen our skills and all, so, I mean, Ben, this is kind of your thing, so?"

"Well, I mean, um, we should keep things in practice and all, but Jake, you realize that I have now spied Riley's boobs and all, so."

"And I finger banged your Neptune Wife while Riley rode me doggie, so?"

I mean, at least we had honesty between us, right? I also mean that I was going to install small security cameras on the pontoon boat just in case I passed out again.

End Which Wife? 04