This is an email I sent to my online "friend" this morning regarding what I fantasize it will be like when we finally meet. I'd love to have reactions, as he has yet to read it.
So it's mid-afternoon on a weekend and I'm sitting in a pub in Fremont with the sole intention of meeting you for the first time. We still haven't exchanged pictures but I've told you that you'll know it's me by the glasses of scotch and water that will be sitting in front of me. Although we're supposed to meet at 4, I've gotten there early so that I'll have infused myself with liquid courage. In doing so, I've caught the attention of bartender and the guys next to me, who decide to chat me up. We talk about sports, make ribald jokes, and generally are having a good time. I'm so relaxed and in the moment that I have no idea what time it is and that you've come in. The moment before I realize from the expressions of the men around me that you're behind me, I feel your breath on my ear saying hello. I shiver at the contact, but try to hold back any outward sign so you don't realize how worked up I've been over seeing you.
I smile my goodbyes to the men on my left, which are perfunctory at best, and turn to my right to focus solely on you. You're the one I want to talk to, not them. You have a smug smile on your face because despite my best intentions to appear calm and collected, because that's what I do, you know. You know that by the time we do anything -- and it's inevitable that this time we will do something -- I'll be wet for you. You know you've done this to me and it makes you smug. I both hate being so transparent and relish the fact that I am. We end up sitting there for the longest time just looking at each other smiling. I don't know what to say, because we've seemingly said it all, and yet there's still so much to talk about, joke about. Soon enough we've begun talking and it's just as intense and fun as the emails.
Abruptly, our conversation stops as you throw down some bills and grab my hand and head out the door. I leave my coat behind in the rush and follow you. You look like a man possessed, and I know what it is that you want. I want it too. We walk not talking, not looking at each other...me barely keeping up with your long strides as we walk to your car. Nothing is said. We ride directly to your hotel and get out -- still no words. It's only once the door to your room clicks shut that what once seemed like silence is filled with the almost deafening sound of heaving breathing. It's dark in your room -- only the light coming from in between the curtains offers any illumination, but it doesn't matter how dark it is we still are able to find each other. You push me up against the wall and I willingly go, taking my hands and dragging your mouth to mine. I need to feel it on me -- anywhere on me. The kiss is so unlike anything I've had with my boyfriend that it shocks me. What is sweet and soft with him is hard and violent with you. Holding back for so long makes me want to try and devour you, absorb you any way I can. My passion spurs you on and you realize that I won't break -- that I want it rough, because I can't hold back myself.