I don't even know why I visit this website, and I really don't know why I write stories.
Some kind of therapy, I come back and read what I have written, I read them over and over. There are memories in the words, it lets me relive them.
The only time I do write is when something happens, I tried a few times to write sexy, a fantasy, but it sounds so bad to me that I always end up deleting them. Even writing anonymously, I am too embarrassed to post some of the fantasies I have in my head.
But something happened, so here is the story.
I was married to Tom, the best description of the relationship was that it was stormy. Not because he was a bad man, he really wasn't, although I did come to understand that he was easily manipulated by those around him.
Tom was a fine lover, careful, always more concerned about me and my pleasure than his own.
Except for some reason I still don't completely understand, he had a fantasy in his mind of sharing me, showing me off. That went completely against all of my upbringing, I had troubles with being and acting like I knew he wanted me to be. Yet inside, it was there, and I think Tom sensed that.
For a very long time, I didn't realize it.
Three times I left Tom, all three times I went back. Then I lost him, one morning he kissed me and went to work, and he didn't come home.
At that exact moment, as the sad faced Doctor stood and told me that Tom never came out of surgery, it hit me that I would do anything, anything at all that he wanted me to, just to have him back.
There was a long period of depression, I think I have always suffered from that off and on anyway. I had thoughts of suicide, probably the only thing that stopped me from actually doing that was fear.
I am not even sure what I was in fear of, to be frank.
There were some long periods of bright sunny days earlier this year, a bit odd for December and January. During those times I felt myself getting better, then the snow and ice came and I went right back into that dark place.
My friends Brad and Patty lived with me, that was a good thing and really helped. Patty understood perfectly, she never showed any sense of jealousy of any kind even though she knew I had made one attempt at seducing Brad.
Brad gently turned me down, I was grateful for his being gentle. I will say that when a woman offers herself in a blatant way and gets turned down, it is tough on the self esteem.
Brad let me down gently, the simple fact was he just was not that kind of man, he would not take another man's wife.
But after Tom was gone, I could not be alone, so I slept in the same bed with Brad and Patty. Something about Brad's big strong male body just being there kept me sane.
Sex between us was not an issue, I would not have turned him down if he reached for me and he knew that. He just didn't. I could say I really didn't mind, but there were a few times....
Over months of living closely together, we became...a family? Nudity in various stages was nothing, we sometimes sat in our hot tub, many times I saw both Patty and Brad sunning themselves in the room that Ted, the former owner had built as his massage studio. It had huge windows, so the Winter Sun could shine right in while the room was heated and warm, we could all sunbathe like that on nice days. A few times we even lay out there during storms, there is some kind of a feeling of security, safety being inside and warm while nature does it's thing just feet away.
I lay out there naked with them many times, it felt nice to be free like that. It was exciting, I admit that, and it helped to make me forget things that bothered me. I did notice and feel Brad's eyes on me, but over time I came to accept that as normal. He never hinted, never even touched me other than when I pressed against him at night. All Brad ever did was put his arm around both Patty and I, holding us until we slept.
Everything comes to an end, though. Brad and Patty bought their own home downtown, this meant I once again lived alone. But I was back to work at the health clinic, doing my job filled precious hours, the interactions with other people helped me to heal.
As a female Doctor, I must admit that I am like some of you write about in your stories. Most of them I am sure are fantasy, but the truth is, there really are Doctors like me.
Knowing how much I like the feeling of power over men when I tell them to remove their clothing and to expose themselves to me, one would think I should not have had concerns about some of the things that my husband Tom had hinted at.
I can't explain that, either, in my office I am in control. Yet doing something naughty like briefly exposing myself where someone in public might see or even actually having sex in a swinger type situation took all control away from me.
I spent many hours and days analyzing myself, trying to understand and what I came up with is that deep down inside, I have a need to feel in control. My periods of depression always came when I felt like I was losing that.
I finally gave up on trying to be what I was not, and I became what I am. That took some time to come to terms with. I found myself once again eager to go to work, get to my office, to see what the day might bring.
Often my day was nothing more than a string of patients, I would go through them and do the routines, nothing out of the norm.
But every once in awhile there would be a client that..was special?
It was never any particular type, or look. It was an attitude, a mannerism that set me off. Perhaps the way they looked at me, maybe that was part of it. It could be anything from young men to very old, and anything in between, even female.
Once I got that feeling, I just went with the flow. I loved it when I instructed them to lift their gown as I slid up close to them on my little roller stool. They would then stand there, with their genitals exposed, holding the gown up as I felt their testicles, then took their penis in my latex gloved hands and inspected it closely.
I also worked with female patients, and I would be lying if I said there wasn't times that things happened. I know that some women do enjoy my touch, and with some of them, I enjoy it too.
I never thought I ever had any tendencies that way really, but I guess I do once in awhile.
I also would lean forward innocently when working with men mostly, I knew this allowed the top of my smock to gap open. The one best feature I have is my breasts. They aren't huge but they are fairly large and perfectly formed, and with some practice I got very good at displaying them as I leaned forward, all the way to my nipples.
Almost without fail, I could feel the eyes on me, and many times I would feel my client's penis begin to erect.
I always treated that as something that was normal, mentioning to the patient that their penis was well formed and appeared to respond nicely to touch.
A few would not respond at all, sometimes I would ask them if they ever had any problems with erectile concerns. Most would answer that they didn't although once in awhile one would answer yes.
The ones that did erect caused me to run out of excuses to hold it, the others gave me an excuse to do more.
One older male that was about 65 or so stood before me like that one day, he told me that he had Prostate problems. I suggested that I thought that was part of the issue.
I ended up with my index finger up his rear end as I stroked his penis for him as a "test." He ejaculated nicely and seemed appreciative, that was fun.
