What If 31

Author's note: Some elements of this story are true, while others are pure fantasy. Details have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.

The three of us piled into the backseat of Evie's car for the ride home from St. Andrew's Hall. The ska show had been amazing and we followed that up with pitchers of margaritas at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I was fairly tipsy and my boyfriend, Matt, and our friend, Nate, were very nearly drunk.

Even though Nate is always fucking with my boyfriend, just trying to get under his skin, I remember thinking that something was up when he bullied his way past Matt to sit between us in the car. Evie's car is a Ford Escort, and there's hardly enough room for two in the backseat, so we were all pressed right up against each other whether we wanted to be or not.

About 10 minutes after we got on the road I could hear Matt's slow deep breathing far to the right of me, telling me that he was lights out. In contrast to what I was hearing, I could suddenly feel rapid shallow breaths close against my neck. I kept my eyes forward, not quite believing what was happening. I felt Nate's lips tentatively graze my earlobe - testing the waters. I froze. "Oh my God," I thought, "Is this really happening"? I could feel his eyes searching my face for a reaction, but I pretended not to notice. After a few seconds he again grazed my earlobe and then slowly took it into his mouth, sucking very gently. I gasped in surprise, almost inaudibly, but he was so close he had to have heard me. His lips moved lazily along my neck, as they trailed silent kisses to my collarbone.

I slid down in my seat to avoid being seen in the rearview mirror. In this relative cocoon of privacy, I could try to sort the thoughts racing through my head. Nate and I have known each other since high school and there has always been a spark between us. But (and there's always a but) his father was a control freak who never let him have any free time, and we were similarly hardheaded and would often get into fierce arguments over the stupidest things. We agreed that trying to make a go of it as a couple just wasn't going to work, so we decided we were better off as friends. But my thoughts of "what if..." had never faded over the intervening years. And I suspected that these thoughts were mutual. Still, I was surprised that the alcohol had allowed him to act upon the feelings he must have held in check for so long. And within spitting distance of my boyfriend, no less.

I cautiously looked around to see if anyone had a clue as to what was happening in the backseat. Matt was now softly snoring. Evie was driving and having an animated conversation with her husband, Don, who was in the passenger seat. The radio was turned up loud. No one was aware of us. I let myself relax a bit and closed my eyes. Just for the few moments that we had, I wanted to know how "what if..." felt.

I opened my eyes and turned my head towards Nate. He drew back and looked at me, his intense gaze focused on each of my eyes in turn. I looked up at him and he brought his right hand up to my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. His light touch sent tingles down my entire body. I closed my eyes and smiled, just relishing the sensations he was giving me. That was all it took. All of a sudden, I felt him kissing me hard. So fucking hard. He forced my lips apart with his tongue and thrust himself into my mouth. He took me by surprise and I opened my eyes only to see his face so close it was out of focus. All I could make out were his closed eyes. I started to kiss him back, slowly at first, but more and more hungrily as the seconds ticked by.

I became aware once again of the other occupants of the car. I reluctantly broke the kiss to survey the situation. Everyone was still absorbed in what they had been doing all along. We were still flying together under the radar. Such a delicious naughty feeling this was that I couldn't help giggling quietly to myself. "Oh God, you're so sexy when you laugh," Nate groaned, "I want you so badly, you have no idea," he whispered as he kissed me again, tenderly this time. I felt his tongue glide along my bottom lip before teasing my lips apart to seek out my tongue. He moved his hand from my cheek to the back of my head, entwining his fingers in my hair. He pulled me closer, crushing my mouth against his. Although most of his left arm was pushed against the seat back, he was just able to reach up enough to cup my breast in his palm. I felt my nipple harden under his touch, and I could hear a soft low moan rise from my throat in response. His lips parted from mine and he looked down at what he was doing to me, completely absorbed in the sight.

Just at that moment, I saw something out of the corner of my eye that caught my attention. Looking over Nate's shoulder out the window, I saw a familiar landmark that made me realize that we were only about 10 minutes away from Evie's house, where we had planned to crash for the night. "Oh fuck," I mouthed, still staring out the window. He must have sensed a shift in the energy and he brought his eyes up to query mine. His expression seemed to ask what was wrong without any words passing between us. I gave him a forlorn look and said, "We're almost home". He stopped playing with my nipple and turned away from me slightly. He appeared to be deep in thought for at least a couple of minutes, when suddenly his countenance brightened. A sly smile spread across his face as he looked at me and said just one word: "Good".