WEBMAN
I nursed my fourth glass of Baileys and watched resentfully as my colleague Jewel worked her charms on Niles, the new guy at the office. She was standing so close to him, as he sat on a stool at the bar, her 32F breasts were practically in his face. When she'd approached him earlier he had offered her the stool, but she'd smilingly declined, knowing that standing would be to her advantage as it put her best assets in his line of vision. She was savvy like that.
Within minutes most of the guys from the office were crowded around the pair of them, watching her courtship dance. The better looking amongst them had experienced it firsthand. She'd bragged to me, giving details I could have done without hearing, how she'd fucked them and dropped them as soon as someone new turned up. Yet most of them lived in the hope that she would one day fuck them again. On their faces I could see the pity and envy of the poor sucker who would soon be joining her discarded-lovers club.
She and I were the only females in the IT department. The guys respected me because I was as knowledgeable as any of them. They secretly laughed when Jewel failed to find a reported fault, only for one of us to discover that it was the most basic of problems--sometimes as simple as an accidentally disconnected device. We all agreed that she must have been interviewed for the job by some man from Human Resources who had taken one look at her bosom and offered her the position.
Usually I didn't care what she did. I've never been jealous of her because I sensed that underneath all the outrageous clothing was a very insecure woman. But today was my twenty-fifth birthday and I had invited them all for an after-work drink at the nearby wine bar to help me celebrate. I had put two hundred and fifty bloody pounds behind the bar. They had all been laughing and chatting with me, until she'd turned up.
Earlier in the day I had been a little disappointed that none of them had bought me a gift or even a birthday card, and yet before this evening I'd thought they were my friends. Just before we had left the office at four, I had quickly popped to the Ladies to apply make-up and spray on some scent. I was looking my best and feeling great. And the first half an hour had been as good as I was feeling, I'd had the guys' undivided attention and they had been enthusiastically throwing back the free drinks I'd provided.
Jewel had told us to go ahead, that she would meet us at the bar. Thirty minutes later she'd made her dramatic entrance, changed from the scandalously low-cut top and skinny jeans she had worn to work to a red dress which plunged almost to her navel in front and showed the crack of her tiny ass at the back.
The guys had slowly drifted in her direction as if she were a man-magnet. I soon realized that they had only come because I had generously offered to supply free drinks.
"Do you want to share a cab later, Petra?" asked William the one still sitting beside me--probably because there was not enough 'man' in his body for Jewel's magnet to attract.
He's our top IT specialist and a really sweet guy. But none of us could decide if he was straight, gay or lesbian. I discovered during the last Tube strike, when he had kindly offered me a ride on a rather sleek BMW K1200S motorcycle, that he had recently bought a house two corners away from mine in Islington.
"Sure," I agreed, with a shrug. The night had already cost me a bundle, I might as well cut costs where I could.
"Let me know when you're ready," he said, giving me a sympathetic smile.
"You know, William, I think I'll leave now," I said, making up my mind suddenly.
I was already pissed off. If I waited around to watch the guys get drunker and drunker at my largesse while they leered at Jewel's chest I might burst a blood vessel.
***
The rain was pouring when we got outside. A miserable end to a miserable birthday.
"Wait here," William instructed, pulling the hood of his anorak up over his head. "I'll get a cab and come back for you."
He dashed off through the rain as I stood blessedly dry under the overhang at the entrance. He was such a sweetheart, but though I have a real soft spot for underdogs, I would rather go home and masturbate than have a sympathy fuck from William. Sexually I'm attracted to macho men. My last three boyfriends were all in the building trade, rough men with necks as thick as my thighs, and brains to match. I like fucking to be basic not intellectual.
Minutes later a black taxi pulled up to the kerb in front of me. William opened the door and gestured for me to get in. I'd thought that he had meant a mini-cab; a black taxi would cost twice as much. It was just as well that he had offered to split the cost.
We drove for about twenty-five minutes in silence.
"You're much prettier than Jewel," he said finally.
"It's sweet of you to say so, William, but we both know that's not true."
I had a regular face: two eyes, a nose and a very sexy mouth guys told me--though they might have meant a 'sex' mouth because they also tell me that I give great blowjobs.
"
I
think you are prettier," William insisted. "I'm sure she looks terrible without makeup."
"Even if she has a face like a weasel under her makeup," I said, "her chest would make up for it."
We both smiled and lapsed into silence again until the taxi turned into my street. Then he said, "I've bought you a gift, but I didn't want to bring it to the office. Do you want to come to my place and get it?"
If any of my other male colleagues had made the offer I would have agreed instantly. I doubted very much that William was planning to rip my clothes off and have his wicked way with me, and I didn't fancy spending the rest of the night playing computer games with him--especially since he could beat me even if he was playing blindfolded.
"Thanks, William, but I'll wait until Monday."
As the taxi pulled up to my door, he surprised me by getting out and saying, "As it's your birthday, I'll pay for the taxi."
"Thanks." I opened my front door and stood in the doorway to make sure he understood that I wasn't inviting him in. I planned to drink some more Baileys and then try out the new Rampant Rabbit Three Way Vibrator I'd bought myself for my birthday. I was already wet thinking about it. William might cramp my style by overstaying his welcome. I said gently but firmly, "Good night, William."
"Good night, Petra." As he turned and walked away I thought I heard him say, "I'm an ass man, myself."
But after four double Baileys I couldn't trust my hearing.
Tossing my bag onto the table, I took a tall glass out of the cupboard and filled it at my fridge's ice dispenser. The litre bottle of Baileys that I had started the night before was still on the coffee table where I'd left it. I poured the creamy liquid slowly over the ice cubes, filling the glass to the rim.
It was a relief to kick off my four-inch heels, sink onto my leather recliner and massage my aching feet. I always wear flat shoes and sensible clothes to work, yet I doubted that any of the guys had noticed that I'd made a special effort today.
I had hoped that Tyrone would have come home with me tonight. He was strongly built, but not attractive enough for Jewel. She'd told me that she would fuck him if nothing else was available, but there always seemed to be. He occasionally flirted with me and I'd thought that he was interested, but the way he had been ogling Jewel tonight I doubted that he remembered I was alive. The next time he came sniffing around me I would take great pleasure in telling him to buzz the fuck off!
Reaching for the glass, now deliciously frosted, I noticed an unfamiliar card among the spilled contents of my bag. A plain white card with an even plainer message:
Sexy lady, call me if you want a night to remember.
Where had it come from?
I thought for a moment and then laughed out loud. The guys must have picked it up from a telephone kiosk and slipped it into my bag while I wasn't looking. They always teased me that the only way I could have sex is if I paid for it.
Fuck them!
