This is the first of a series of stories about the 'Wanderings' of Lee Stephenson. Newly divorced, he has quit his job and is travelling around his home Province, looking for a new life. You never know who you'll meet when you're on the road.
Chapter 01: Constance
I can remember exactly when I knew my marriage to Jocelyn was over. It was the night of our Tenth Wedding Anniversary. I had come home early, brought flowers and a nice, silver pendant that I knew she would wear. We kissed perfunctorily at the kitchen door and I went upstairs to shower and change before I took her out to her favorite restaurant for dinner.
What made it memorable is that we hardly had a word to say to each other despite the fact that we had not seen or talked to each other since the previous evening. I typically left for work an hour before Jocelyn and she was in the shower when I pulled out of the driveway that morning. At the restaurant there were no reminiscences of past times together, no fond remembrances ... nothing. We made the odd comment about the weather or our work, but nothing intimate. When we went to bed I reached for her, hoping for at least some Anniversary lovemaking, but she said she was too tired and that was that.
I lay on my back and knew then that it was over. We had each been pretending that we had a marriage for some time; perhaps years. I thought back over those times and realized I wasn't even sure if we were ever even in love with each other. We went through all the motions, but I couldn't remember a moment when I knew for sure that I would do anything for her; walk through fire, slay dragons or take on a gang of villains. It was a dispiriting thought and with our life having sunk into ennui over the past two or three years, I knew a decision was at hand.
I delayed leaving for work the next morning. I might as well face it when I knew what I wanted to say. Jocelyn came down and was obviously surprised to see me sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee and the morning paper.
"What are you doing still here?" she asked, curious as she poured her first coffee.
"I wanted to talk to you. It seemed like the best opportunity." I said quietly.
I suppose it was my tone of voice that alerted her. She looked at me and then picked up her coffee and sat in her usual chair.
"What did you want to talk about?" she asked carefully. She was obviously uncomfortable with the uncertainty.
"Jocelyn, there's no easy way to say this. I will file for divorce early next week."
I watched her eyes grow large and heard the sharp intake of breath.
"Why?" she struggled to ask.
"I think you know the answer to that as well as I do. Our marriage is dead. It died a long slow death, but it is dead." I said solemnly.
She sat silently, looking at me; obviously thinking about what she had just heard. Slowly, she lowered her gaze to her untouched coffee and stared at it for a few moments.
"I'm sorry, Lee. I wish it had worked. I'm sorry." she finally whispered.
"I know. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes ... sometimes it just doesn't ... " I couldn't finish the thought. I saw a tear and then another trickle down her cheek.
"I'll look after the paperwork and if we use the do-it-yourself forms, we can cut the legal costs ... unless you want to contest it." I said, almost as an afterthought.
"No ... I won't fight it. You're right ... it just didn't come out the way we wanted it to."
I stood up, kissed her cheek and left quietly for the garage and headed off to work.
-0-
If there is such a thing as an amicable divorce, we were the model. It was civil and civilized. We split everything almost 50-50. Jocelyn's income was very healthy as a Provincial Government Assistant Director in the Environment Ministry, thus there would be no alimony. We agreed to sell the house and close the mortgage. Our home in Burnaby had inflated to an almost ridiculous amount during the eight plus years that we had owned it. After we retired the mortgage, we split nearly $300,000.00. We both had our own retirement savings plans and simply maintained them in our own names.
Jocelyn kept her car, but I had a company lease car with no asset value to me. I let Jocelyn keep most of the furniture except a couple of pieces that had come from my parents and grandparents. I guess, all told, she would have taken away $30,000.00 or so in value more than me, but in truth, I really didn't care. I just wanted the whole unhappy episode to be over.
We met once more just before the divorce was final to make sure there were no outstanding issues to be resolved. We chose a pub not far from our former residence and found a semi-secluded place to talk. It didn't take us long to determine that there was nothing left to discuss except our feelings and our futures.
"So, where are you going to live?" she finally asked.
"I don't know. I quit my job last week. I'll be finished at the end of the month and then I'm going to do what the Aussies do; 'go walkabout'. Except, I guess, it will be more like 'go ride-about'."
"I almost envy you. I wouldn't mind a sabbatical myself. I hope you find what you're looking for." she said sincerely.
"Me too. I just hope I'll know it when I find it." I chuckled.
"What about you ... where are you going to live?" I asked.
"I've taken a job in the Industry Ministry and I'm moving to Victoria. I found an apartment there. I'll enjoy that, I think. Less pressure than Environment."
"Good ... I'm glad." I said honestly.
"Regrets?" she asked.
"Sure. Plenty. I wonder if it would have turned out differently if I hadn't been sterile. I'm sure that must have hurt you more than you let on; to find that out after we were married. I know it hurt me. Not good for the male ego." I smiled.
"Yes ... it hurt. But then, we talked about adoption and IVF. We had choices." she said with some emotion. "I'm not sure that would have made a big difference except that maybe we might have hung on a lot longer because of the kids and then been that much more unhappy. Not much of a choice in my opinion."
"I suppose you're right." I said, staring into my beer mug. "Well," I said, raising my mug. "here's to a better future for us. I wish you all the best, Jocelyn."
She touched her wine glass to my mug and offered a faint smile. A few minutes later we hugged and kissed each other for the last time and I stood and watched as she slowly worked her way out of the pub and into the parking lot. I slumped back in my seat, waiting for the waitress to come around so that I could order another beer. I didn't have any place special to go and I was in no hurry to get there.
-0-
I had moved in with my folks for a couple of weeks after the sale of the house. They were very generous and sympathetic. Mom and Dad had been married over forty years and I think they were deeply disappointed at my divorce. I had failed at something important and I think they knew that I was ashamed to admit it. They said nothing directly to me, but I could tell by some of the inferences what they were thinking. The sooner I hit the road, the better off they would be. I had only another week until the end of the month and the end of my employment. I think they were surprised and dubious about my unplanned future, but they said nothing to discourage me.
On a bright, sunny March Saturday morning, I loaded the last of my bags in my car, kissed and hugged my folks and drove off into the sunrise. I had absolutely no idea where I was going, but I really wasn't worried about it. I had turned in my company car and purchased a year old, low mileage, Subaru Outback. I had decided to explore my home Province and at this time of the year, there was no need for reservations since it was nearing the end of the ski season. I drove for a couple of hours, stopping in Hope to stretch my legs, top up the tank, unload my morning coffee and then get another fresh one at the kiosk across from the gas station.
By noon I was in Keremeos but I wasn't hungry and pushed on to Osoyoos before stopping for a snack at a grocery store deli bar. On the spur of the moment, I decided to head for Nelson; a lovely little picturesque town in the Kootenay Mountains. I might take my chances on a B and B or a motel and if worst came to worst, I would double back to Castlegar or even Trail for accommodation. I pulled out my pocket guide to British Columbia Bed and Breakfasts, chose one that looked likely and thumbed the number on my cell phone. A mature sounding woman answered the phone and identified herself as Connie Bradshaw. I was in luck. She had a room and was featuring off-season rates.
It was almost six when I finally arrived in Nelson and found the Alpine Rest B & B. I stepped through the outer entrance to the large, quaint Victorian house and twisted the t-bar on the old fashioned ringer. In a matter of a few seconds and woman appeared in the hallway and opened the door for me and ushered me in.
"I assume you are Mr. Stephenson?" she inquired.
"Yes ... Lee Stephenson. You must be Mrs. Bradshaw." I replied.
"It's Connie." she said smiling. "Do you not have any luggage?" she inquired.
"In the car. I thought I'd check in first before I started to haul things in. I wasn't sure where I should park."