Voice of the Mind

Chapter 5.1 -- The watcher

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The visions, or dreams, or fantasies Jenny conjured up and shared with him always made him horny as hell. Sometimes he would jerk off about them but other times he didn't have an opportunity to do so. So he had to bide his time until he was alone, like he was now.

Alone in his room, the blinds closed as it was already evening, he was sitting in front of his computer, browsing through some stuff in order to find something he wanted to jerk off to. Jenny had made him suffer through class. She had claimed to be sick, but he found that she wasn't sick enough to bring herself to at least

FIVE

orgasms. In a way, that was sick too, he mused. He had to sit through them all while he was sitting in class and trying to pay attention to a lecture on stuff that was at best mildly interesting. It was all too easy to focus on whatever his girlfriend was trying to throw at him through the mental hotline they had. He had

tried

to tune her out, but she was so aroused that he simply could not manage to keep her thoughts down to a mere static noise. Of course, getting aroused himself didn't help much in maintaining his concentration to do so.

When she finally had stopped giving him a porno marathon and fell asleep, satisfied, he was still in class, unable to find relief until at least an hour. He had realized that he could make a quick stop during the marathon to relief himself, but he hadn't a clue on how long she would be torturing him with it and how long and often he had to work on himself. Better wait till it's done.

Yeah. Great idea that was,

he thought bitterly.

She kept it up for almost an hour and a half. And when class had almost ended and I wanted to sneak out, the professor called up on me.

He didn't really want to relive that, but he did think of the agony he felt when he was supposed to explain things in front of the class. Mostly for not paying attention. Who could blame him, but then again ... how was he supposed to explain that? Or rather, who would want to explain that?

He had found something of his taste and started to work on it, when he caught something in the corner of his eye. He swerved on his chair -- nobody would want to be caught with his pants down -- and wanted to yell at his sister for coming in, but to his surprise -- and agony -- it was someone else.

I'm sorry,

she whimpered.

I didn't mean to interrupt you. It's just ... I reside here as well. And ... well ...

Oh, brother. I'd completely forgotten about her.

"You mentioned it before that you've seen me downstairs with a porn movie, but ... you've seen me here in front of the computer as well?"

She nodded.

"Since when?"

Well...

she hesitated and looked away.

You didn't see me back then, so ...

He facepalmed himself. "Weeks? You've been watching me for

weeks

?"

He felt like he could easily crush the floor and even make a dent to the basement two floors below in terms of shame.

Can you blame me? I'm a ghost girl. I can't

touch

people. People can't even

see

me. But I still have needs, too. I'm no robot; I'm a girl. At the peak of puberty.

she added the last part after a momentarily pause.

For a while now, actually.

You're a handsome guy and you're ... well, you're around. I can't simply go and look at porn on my computer or something, so if I want to see something arousing, I need to

be

there.

If you want, I can hide myself somewhere so you don't see me. Then you don't have to feel embarrassed.

He sighed.

"That's not the point, Charissa. Even if I don't see you, I still know that you're around. That's even

more

awkward. And now I know you're here, there's really no possibility to masturbate without you being around. That's my fault too, I should've thought of that."

He didn't really know what to say, or how to deal with this whole new situation of a ghost girl watching him masturbating.

Technically it means that even when I'm home, I can't even jerk off without the possibility of her watching me. How's that for a change?

Umm ... so you like this kind of stuff?

While he was lost in thought she had moved over and was standing next to him, peering at the screen of his monitor. He was startled by her, but recollected himself quickly enough and closed the video he was watching.

"Really? After scaring the hell out of me by appearing while I was masturbating, now you're gonna judge my taste in porn?"

Come on, Vincent,

she begged.

I'm pretty much a stranger when it comes to boys. I've never had a date, let alone a boyfriend. The only things I know is what I have seen when I was watching porn. And that hasn't been too often. Girls don't really feel the need to watch most of the stuff they have access to, you know. Or at least, I never felt that much aroused by the few porn titles I've seen.

"You've never even had a date?"

She shook her head. That surprised him, as she had the looks that should've netted her at least a dozen admirers.

He scratched his head.

Now what? Now I have to educate a teenage girl in terms of sexual activity? Hell, even the one girl

I

have dated knew more about sex than this one seems to know.

"Honestly, I've never really thought about what kind of porn girls like."

She seemed to think about that. He thought it was cute how she put her index finger to her chin when she was thinking.

I think it's about interaction,

she said.

Not just intercourse, but interaction. There has to be a meaning to sex.

"So ... if there is a story behind it which results in believable sex, that would turn you on?"

She nodded.

He thought about it for a bit, then said: "Well, then. Shall we see if I have something like that on my computer?"

She was startled at first, then her expression turned mildly anticipating and shortly after that it turned to enthusiasm. She nodded again, firmly this time.

He browsed through his library and found something which he remembered had at least some kind of story attached to it. There wasn't much he had which had an actual story; most of his porn was a setup which simply resulted in sex because that was what it was meant for. He did have a few videos where it had more story and events actually connected and one of them he was playing for her now.

She wanted to make herself comfortable, but since she was a ghost, there wasn't much she could do. She wasn't even standing on the floor; she sort of levitated a few centimeters above it.

"Do you want to try sitting down?" he asked.

I'd love to, but I haven't been able to use a chair for a while now.

"Wanna try?"

He got up from his chair and she tried to sit down in it. First time she fell through it completely, leaving her sprawling on her back. He had no idea how that was possible since she didn't actually fell on the ground, being a levitating ghost and all. He snickered silently, which resulted in a glare from the ghost girl. His chivalry got lost when he extended a hand to pull her up and her hand passed right through it.

When she was back up, she tried touching the chair, but it didn't work at all. So eventually he sat down in it again and saw her sigh.

"You can't touch anything at all?"

Only myself. I pass through walls, doors, floors, though I prefer to go through open doors. I don't like the moments where my view is blocked when I pass through something. Makes me feel claustrophobic.

He nodded. He could relate. He had been locked in an elevator once. Although it wasn't too cramped, the idea of being locked up and not having any means to get out was pretty suffocating. Luckily he didn't have too much trouble riding elevators nowadays and most of the time his palms didn't sweat much anymore during the ride, but he always remembered that moment briefly the moment the doors closed.

The video had started playing and Vincent turned the volume slightly higher so they could hear the spoken dialogue; Nicole wasn't home so he wouldn't have to be afraid that she'd interrupt. It was about a girl who was proposed to by her boyfriend and that her friends got jealous. So all three of her friends were trying to provoke their boyfriends into proposing as well, by using sex to get it done.

Men are easily swayed by sex after all,

he thought.

So this is a pretty realistic story, albeit I doubt that three young men would all give in to marriage after they have had sex with their girlfriends. I don't think I would, though I believe a few of my classmates would happily say yes when they were offered sex with a hot girl.

He got distracted by his ghost girl. She was fidgeting.

How come? Just because the first sex scene has started?

"What's wrong?"

Umm ... I like the setup of the story. And I think the guy is looking handsome too. But um ... I am embarrassed. I don't feel I can masturbate with you sitting there.

He facepalmed himself again.

"Really. Though you did that with me for quite a while, if I remember correctly."

But that is different! You didn't know!

"But I do now. So you better get used to masturbating while I'm here, because that's what I have to do when you're popping up and watching me," he said sternly.

It was a cruel joke to get back at her because she had been watching him masturbate, so he wanted her to at least understand what he went through in terms of shame. He decided he would stop if she would reject it two more times; three times is the charm after all.

She sighed.

Okay, okay, you made your point. But let me propose something else then, to ease the awkwardness.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn't actually expected her to agree. "Um ... sure, tell me."

I will masturbate, here and now. But I want you to do the same.

"You mean, we both masturbate here, while we can see each other?"

That would be fair, wouldn't it? I mean, I would feel less awkward if you weren't just watching me getting off, but doing it yourself as well.

How the hell did I get myself in this predicrament? And what kind of nutty logic is this?

he wondered.

Women logic?

"Uhh ... don't you think that would be even

more

awkward?"

I don't think so. But give it a try, okay?

He sighed and gave in. She had seen him jerk off multiple times before after all, it wouldn't be exactly new for her. It was new to him though and that showed in his flacid cock. He had completely forgotten that he hadn't pulled his pants up all this time.

"You've seen it before, so don't stare at it. I'm not used to this, you know. And undress yourself too, it isn't fair if I'm the only one naked -- or wait, is it even possible for you to undress?"

She nodded.

These clothes seem to have the same properties as my existence. So I can touch these though I cannot touch anything outside my own dimension.

She pulled her skirt up and pushed her panties -- striped, though he couldn't tell the color with this light -- down. That didn't give him much time to view her crotch, as the skirt dropped down again. She put her hand under it and started making movements, her eyes on the screen where the action had started going to the next level.

He couldn't help it. He had his hand on his penis and it wasn't erect, but just by watching this girl masturbating under her skirt he felt his arousal grow. And with it another thing started growing.

He couldn't even see her crotch, could hardly even see the movement under the skirt, but the mere idea of her fingering herself right next to him was incredibly sexy. He couldn't take his eyes from the skirt, anxious to miss any of the movements he might be able to see.

His dick was fairly stiff now and he was subconsciously working on it. The moans and the groans from the video were in another dimension for him -- he didn't hear it and he was definitely not watching the video. He did hear the throat-clearing sound from someone else though and he looked up to see Charissa looking at him.

Are you jerking off on watching me finger myself?

Her voice sounded accusing, but the glance in her eyes seemed to indicate she was teasing and amused. He stammered and stuttered something which didn't get him anywhere, until she used her left hand to lift up her skirt, revealing how her other hand was working on her clit. Slow circles, alternated by slow strokes across her lips and now even dipping inside.

His dick grew to full size and his movements became stronger, faster. He felt her eyes on him, watching him work his tool while he was watching her work on herself -- and he got even more aroused. Her movements on her pussy stayed in a very slow tempo, but he saw that she was now plunging two fingers in her pussy -- in and out, in and out.

He couldn't help himself anymore. He got out of his chair and dropped on his knees, just to come closer to the wonderful fingers working on this beautiful pussy. He saw them going in and out of her shaft and he wondered how his dick would feel if he managed to push it in there. He wondered how she would moan, how she would move if he would shove his stiff penis into that warm, wet alleyway, all the way to her womb, spraying his seed in there to fill her up.

She shook. She shivered. It was as if she felt his craving, that she was cumming from his sheer fantasy. And that was enough for him as well. He felt the jets spurting from his dick and he tried -- miserably -- to aim at her beautiful pussy. The few that reached that high dropped right through her back onto the floor, but the mere thought of fucking her brought him to extacy.

When he was done, he realized what he had done and got up, his eyes anxious, wondering what Charissa would think of him after they had agreed that they would merely masturbate for a movie.

Now that was ... unexpected,

she said, after they had exchanged a few glances at each other.

I didn't expect that you would use me as the source of your arousion.

"Neither did I. But sometimes things go strange ways," he admitted while turning off the useless still playing video. "I wasn't planning on jerking off on you; I was merely doing some masturbating because you said you felt more comfortable with me doing it as well. But honestly, you're still a girl. And when a girl is getting off right next to you, you can't really stop taking notice."

I noticed. But does that mean you think I'm attractive enough to masturbate on?

Her eyes were expecting, her breath still and he smiled. This was an easy one.

"I would say that, yes. You're quite an attractive girl. So it did make me wonder why you've never even had a date or a boyfriend, as you said."

She blushed as she pulled her panties back up.

Back when I was still alive, I was very shy and insecure. I didn't mingle easily with others, so I never made many friends. People avoided me because they didn't know how to approach me. Usually people like me are bullied, but I wasn't -- much. There were a few girls who pulled some pranks with me, but never to the level where it got painful.

It did mean that boys either didn't pay much attention to me, or didn't

want

to pay attention to me. It was only a few months till graduation and I hoped to be able to change by then, but ... well, you know what happend to that.

"Their fault, I'd say. You're plenty beautiful to me. And if you haven't aged since you died, I'm pretty sure that you had a few guys arching their necks to take a look at you, even if you didn't know.

If I had been in your class, I'd have made an approach for sure. That is, if I weren't too shy to approach you. But I'd definitely watch you."

She blushed again.

A rap on the door made them both jump. There definitely was some atmosphere which was rudely interrupted by the sound of knuckles on the door -- and a voice.

"Vin? How about dinner? Or shall I make some?"

"Okay," he replied to Nicole and heard his voice croak. He cleared his throat. "I'll be there in a minute. I thought you weren't home."

"Just got home. Okay, just finish your phone call."

Phone call,

he thought amused.

That's probably how it sounds to her if you can only hear me talking.

I ... I think I need to leave now. If you don't mind, may I come back?

"Sure. It's not like I can keep you out even if I wanted to -- but I like your presence. So you're welcome whenever you want to come over."

Even for this?

Her voice trembled when she spoke -- or, since she didn't produce any sound waves, how he experienced it. And he knew that she wanted to have this experience of the thing that resembles sex the closest for a ghost.

"Even for this. Just don't sneak up on me, okay?"

She smiled. And in the dim light he saw that her smile was beautiful. He wondered if the people in her class ever had seen her smile. He couldn't imagine any boys turning their backs on her after seeing that sight. He certainly wouldn't. But then again, when was the time he had the balls to approach a girl? The one girl he had been dating in high school had approached him. And while she was definitely sweet, they quickly realized their personalities didn't match well. Or perhaps their interests.

When he looked back he could see a whole lot of things which were wrong, where

he

was wrong which killed that budding relationship. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but replaced quickly with an image of Jenny, his current girlfriend. Now

he

smiled. And he waved at Charissa, who left through the window, obviously trying to digest everything that happened in this room just now.

He thought once again of his girlfriend. And wondered what she would say about what has just happened here. Had he just been unfaithful to his girlfriend, or hadn't he?

He came to the conclusion that he didn't know -- and if he himself didn't know, how could his girlfriend understand at all? Once again the bitter taste in his mouth returned and this time he didn't have any way to dissipate it.

* * * * * * * * * *

Chapter 5.2 -- Emma

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Jenny was attending a different class and even Richard seems to have a class he was attending, so Vincent found himself in the unlikely situation where he had to spend some time alone. He had wandered the hallways, spending some time here and there, but never managed to find anywhere to stay for a longer period. Eventually he found himself in the cafetaria, where he occupied a table with a coke.

He had been sitting there for a while, just watching people and wondering why he didn't pick any thoughts up from anyone at all, when a classmate showed up.

"Hey Vincent, you all alone here?"

It was a girl that attended a few classes with him. They had exchanged some words every now and then, but besides some casual conversation they never really talked much. He wasn't the only one; she didn't seem to have a circle of friends as far as he knew. At least, he'd never saw her hang out with a particular group.

"Emma. Hey there. Yeah, most of my friends are taking classes now, so I'm feeling a bit lost right now."

"Like a puppy?" she asked. "You don't seem that much lost."

He laughed softly. "I don't think I qualify for a puppy in a box outside in the rain, waiting for someone to pick me up."

She took a seat across him, smiling. "Don't worry, I can't take you in, but I can keep you company for a while until someone decides to take you in."

"Woof."

She snickered. "That didn't sound too convincing."

"I suspected as much. If I were a dog, I'd probably spend my days in that box for quite a while. Good thing I have money to buy my own lunch. So, what are you doing here by yourself?"