When Brad and Traci first started dating, all of their friends predicted it would never last. Traci's friends pointed out the difference in their ages (Traci was 23 while Brad was 31), the difference in their backgrounds (she was from a stable, well-to-do family, he from a struggling, single-parent household), their education (she was a college grad, he a college dropout) and the fact that Traci's boyfriends never seemed to stick around for very long.
Brad's friends pointed to their different personalities (he was bold, and confident, she quiet and shy), their different ambitions (he managed a bicycle shop, she was a waitress--with a BA in business management!), and the fact that Brad's girlfriends never seemed to stick around for very long.
So far, both groups had been wrong. In fact, from Brad's viewpoint, all those things that their friends had pointed out as negatives were in fact positives. Over the last few years his girlfriends had all been dynamic, energetic, even wild personalities. It was fun for a while, but the relationships always seemed to burn out in a white heat. He was ready for something a little more low key and he was willing to be patient and let things develop at their own pace.
Traci was a different matter. She so wanted a stable and comfortable (and passionate!) relationship with a man. But she harbored one dark secret that made it impossible for her to be truly comfortable in an intimate relationship. Well, it had been a dark secret for many years, but a night of a few too many margaritas with her girlfriends had finally loosened the bonds that held that secret in its dark place. Sitting in a circle on her friend Emily's living room floor and trading first-time stories, they finally pried it out of her. Traci's friends had long sensed her reticence about sexual matters. Emily, who had known Traci since high school, also knew that something had changed after her first year of college. In high school she had been popular, not in a slutty way, but outgoing and vivacious. Boys liked her and she dated a lot. Emily didn't think Traci had actually slept with any of her boyfriends, but it was clear that she had fun with them. After that first year of college, though, she seemed to become more withdrawn and somber. Emily knew something had happened, but she didn't know what and she knew better than to push Traci. She knew she would eventually open up to her. Except, after all these years, she still hadn't.
Sitting across from Traci and Emily in the circle of giggling young women and half-empty salt-rimmed glasses, Sandy was finishing a tale of one of her exploits, wherein she described waking up, rather hung over, in the bed of the roommate of her date's friend, who had kindly supplied the needed trysting spot when both Sandy and her date's dwellings lacked the needed privacy. Her date had to take off fairly early the next morning, leaving Sandy with a kiss and instructions to pull the door firmly shut behind her when she left. After drifting off to sleep for a while longer, Sandy described waking again to find an unfamiliar boy standing in the doorway of the room looking at her. "Hello, strange person in my bed who I've never seen before," he greeted her. Sandy was so horrified, tired, and muddled, all she could think to say was, "Sorry, didn't mean to freak you out!" and pulled the covers over her head to go back to sleep.
As Sandy finished her story, about her fifth one of the night (her "first-time" story had been several margaritas ago), the circle erupted in laughter and refills were distributed all around.
"What about you Traci? You're the last one left," Sandy urged.
"Oh, you don't want to hear about my boring sex life," Traci said.
Sandy pressed, as was her style. "Oh no, you don't get off that easy! Your first time is the exit toll. You don't leave here without that story! Here, maybe some liquid courage will loosen your tongue," she added, refilling Traci's glass yet again.
"No really, it's just not worth hearing about. You'll all just fall asleep," Traci said trying to deflect the effort to make her talk.
"Didn't you go to a lot frat parties when you were a freshman at school?" prodded Terri, who had met Traci their first year in college.
"Well, yeah," replied Traci hesitantly.
"A lot of cute boys at those parties," Terri persisted. "Maybe at one of those?"
Traci's defenses, weakened by tequila, triple sec, and too many years of subterfuge, began to weaken.
"Well, yes, actually, but it wasn't very nice."
The lively spirit in the room immediately dampened.
"What happened sweetie?" asked Sandy, who, for all her bravado and exploits, truly cared for her friends, and especially this quiet girl with sad eyes who she had been trying to bring out of her shell for years now.
"Well," Traci continued in a shaky voice, "it was one of the spring frat parties and my date kept telling me he wanted to do it with me, but I wasn't sure I wanted him to be the first. I don't remember how I got there, but I remember waking up in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I was in bed and didn't have any clothes on. My date was sitting on the side of the bed pulling on his shirt. 'Time to hit the road, blondie,' was all he said, tossing my clothes at me. As I sat up, I realized I was wet down there and I could see some blood stains on the sheets. I don't even remember it. I never saw the guy again."
Traci broke into sobs.
"That bastard!" from all around.
The girls all gathered around Traci and hugged her and said soothing things as Traci cried it out.
After that evening, Traci became the group's "project". Objective A: be there for her no matter what. Objective B: try to help her build back her confidence. Objective C: find the right guy.
"A" was easy. "B" was a bit less quantifiable, but each girl took extra care to be affirmative with Traci and counter any negativity with positive support.
"C" was the hard part and for many months went unfulfilled. It was Sandy, who was two years older than the rest of the group, who provided the connection with Brad. Sandy had actually dated Brad a couple of years before. It was great while it lasted, but neither of them seemed to have the desire to make it permanent and after a few months they broke things off, relatively painlessly, as it turned out. Sandy still wistfully recalled their lovemaking, however, which had been passionate and tender at the same time. She had admired Brad's energy, but also a certain calmness about him. It wasn't that he seemed so certain about the path of his life, but he seemed certain that wherever it led, he would be OK with it.
So when Sandy ran into Brad a few months after Traci's confession, she was reminded of the things she liked about him and thought maybe, just maybe, this was the guy who could lead Traci out of her dark place.
Sandy told Emily and Terri of her plan. They somewhat hesitantly agreed to arrange a meeting, but it was decided that it should be a group date, to minimize the pressure and keep expectations low.
Afterwards, everyone pretty much agreed it had been a disaster. They had met at a downtown club. Sandy and Terri brought their boyfriends. Emily, who wasn't dating anyone at the time, came alone and Brad brought a friend. Terri's boyfriend Jim didn't like Brad. Emily didn't like Brad's friend. It was hard to tell what Traci thought about Brad, or vice versa, but no one saw any sparks fly. On the whole, the evening felt awkward, no one had a particularly good time, everyone drank too much to try to disguise their discomfort and the evening ended early.
Meeting for lunch the next day, the three co-conspirators debriefed each other.
"If I ever have another evening like that, it will be too soon," sighed Emily.
"I was afraid Jim was going to punch out Brad," Terri complained. "What was with that, anyway? Did Brad say something I missed?"
"Honey, I just think Jim's got issues," Sandy replied. "I think you need to find yourself another man."
"Well, that's easy for you to say. You never seem to have any trouble finding men. Me, on the other hand. . ."
"Girls, girls," scolded Emily. "Remember, this isn't about us, it's about Traci. And I don't think last night got us any closer to our goal."
"What was I thinking?" Sandy chastised herself. "He's too old for her, their personalities aren't matched. I was just dreaming."
"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself," Emily reassured her. "You tried. Last night may have been a failure, but we can't give up. Traci deserves better."
