Uker
Thomas picked up his phone from the nightstand. His sister was calling. Again. Thirty-three times so far. He was sorely tempted to smash the thing. But he couldn't. April might call. There was no way in Hell April was going to call. But she might.
She hadn't just left him. No. One day, they'd been living together in a comfortable almost-marriage. And then, Thomas came home from work to find a note. April had packed up all of her stuff, some of his, and run off to marry Debbie Karnuck in New York. Now they were both living in Portugal.
Except for going to work, and occasionally eating or using the restroom, Thomas hadn't gotten out of bed since. But now, his sister was calling him for the thirty-fourth time today. Melissa was not going to give up. Not easily. In high school, as a joke, Thomas had pasted a small picture of his sister in the dictionary over the definition for "Stubborn." She had taken it as a compliment. It was now fifteen years later and she had only gotten worse.
He answered the call. "What do you want?"
"Hey, bro. I just wanted to remind you that your girlfriend ditched you in a huge way."
"Thanks for that. I had just about forgotten. What a comfort you are. Have you considered a career in counseling?"
Melissa laughed. "You've still got your sense of humor. That's something. But I wanted to remind you of your tragedy before you reminded me. I was planning to invite you out to lunch, but I knew you would bring up your troubles again as an excuse for standing me up. So, I beat you to it. April's gone, Tom. She ain't coming back. Not ever. It's high time you man up, grow a pair, accept that she's gone, and move on."
"And how do I do that?"
"Well, I like to pretend she's dead myself. Sometimes, I fantasize about doing the deed myself. Other times, I just want to watch. One of the fantasies involves a train."
"Believe me," Tom assured her, "I have had a few ideas along that line myself. But it isn't helping."
"Then come to lunch. I have something very important to talk to you about. Hop in the shower because you reek, then take another shower because oh, boy, do you stink to high heaven. Then come out to my house."
"You come here. My car was totaled, remember? I'm on the bus now. Your house is two hours away."
"I'm sending you a car, big brother," Melissa informed him. "I scheduled it for 11:30 am. You have a little over an hour to get ready. The car service will let me know when you've been picked up. If you're not on it, believe me when I tell you that this brooding misery will soon be a pleasant sugar-coated holiday compared to the terror I will make of your life."
It was not a threat to take lightly. Thomas got up and showered. He was surprised to find that he still had some clean clothes left. He hadn't done any laundry in two weeks. But he hadn't been changing his clothes much either, which explained it, he guessed.
At 11:20, he received a text message from an unknown number, informing him that his car was almost there.
By 11:25 am, Thomas was waiting outside his front door. Precisely five minutes later, a massive black van pulled up in his driveway. It was like a mini tour bus. The driver, an attractive blonde female in her mid-20s, wearing tight black leggings, a white t-shirt, and a black chauffeur's jacket, stepped out and smiled at him.
"Thomas Weiss?" she asked.
"Yes."
"My name is Angel. I'm your ride. Thank you for using Uker."
"Uker? Do you mean Uber?'
She shook her head dismissively. "No, sir. We're a new service. A better service. We are Uber plus Lyft plus so much more. Uker, we're called. Please climb into the cabin area."
Angel pressed a button on her watch and the van's side door opened automatically. The interior was pure luxury. A deep, soft carpet, a large sofa, with a bar and a fridge. Thomas stepped inside and sat on the sofa.
As the door closed, part of the ceiling hinged downward to become a television. It came on and a video started playing, depicting four nude women bathing each other in a shower. It was incredibly erotic and it took Thomas several moments to realize that Angel had actually entered the cabin with him and was watching him watch the video.
"Is this satisfactory?" she asked. "I have some public nudity videos, wet t-shirt contests, or hardcore porn if you prefer. All in 4K definition."
"Um...This is fine," Thomas stammered. "I wasn't expecting anything like this."
She smiled at him. "We're a very special luxury car service, catering especially to men. Can I fix you a drink? Would you care for a snack?"
"Er, sure, I guess. A drink sounds good. What do you have?"
"I have beer, wine, and the makings for dozens of different cocktails. How about a mojito?"
"Yeah. I'd like that," Thomas said. He watched as she expertly mixed the ingredients, then he gratefully accepted the glass she handed him.
He sipped at it as she opened a sliding door in the wall. It led to the driver's seat and dashboard, where she quickly strapped in. "All set?" she asked. "Is the video acceptable or do you have another preference?"
"It's fine," he said, looking at the girls on the screen. Two were busily soaping up a third while the fourth carefully shaved her pubic hair. The video kept his mind off April and his sister while Angel pulled out of the parking lot and started negotiating with traffic on the streets.
"Hey, Thomas, do you prefer blondes, brunettes, redheads?" Angel asked him as she drove.
"I'm not particular," he said. "My last girlfriend was blonde, though. Why?"
"I told you, this service caters to men. It tries to match the customer with a driver he'll find attractive. Am I a good match or would you prefer a different type?"
"You're beautiful," Thomas assured her.
"Well, yes, of course. I know that. That's a requirement for anybody going to drive for Uker. But are you attracted to me or would some other type of girl be more to your liking? You won't hurt my feelings. You're stuck with me for this ride, but if you look around back there, you'll find the Uker website printed under the TV. You might want to call for another ride sometime and get a girl more to your preferences."
"I'm definitely attracted to you. Are you interested in going out with me?"
"We're on a date right now, Thomas. I hope you're enjoying yourself."
"I am, yes. Thanks." He stared at the wet, naked girls on the television, now licking each other clean. He relaxed as Angel navigated the city, and enjoyed the pure eroticism of the beautiful femininity presented to him in the luxury of this fine vehicle. He sipped at the mojito, savoring the buzz and blessed his sister for summoning him this way.
All too soon, the journey came to an end. Thomas felt the vehicle slow, turn into a parking lot, and come to a stop. He sensed the changes in engine vibration as Angel put the van into Park. And by turning his head from the beauties on TV, he could see his sister's house.
Angel came back through the door into the cabin area and sat with him on the sofa. She seemed in no hurry to get going, so Thomas made no move to leave. Angel watched the video with him until he finished his drink, then took his glass and put it on a rack behind the driver's seat.
"Does this video make you hard?" she asked him.
"Um, are you supposed to ask me that? Isn't that some kind of harassment?"
"Probably," she admitted. "Are you offended?"
"I guess not."
"Then answer the question. Is your dick hard from watching the movie?"
His face red, Thomas said that yes, it was.
"Good." She put her hand high up on his high. "Can I touch it?"
"Do you want to?"
"The real question is, 'Do you want me to?'"
"Yes. Very much."
"Perfect. Because I do want to. I like dicks. That's why I have this job.
"You're an Uber driver because you like dicks?" That was bizarre. His mind was a little cloudy because she was stroking him through his pants, but her words made no sense.
"Not Uber. And not Lyft. The best of them both. I'm an Uker."
"I don't understand."
Angel smiled. She opened his pants and pulled out his cock. Holding it lovingly in her fist, she said, "As we can both see, this proud boy has already achieved lyft.
