Fantasy, not real, the names are not real either!
*****
Okay even I have to admit that what I was doing was incredibly stupid, inanely so. I felt like a fucking retard. No, that's not fair on them because at least they have some limited thinking ability; this was just dumb.
I was with a friend from work. We were taking two tall trolleys back to the supermarket. It was meant to be our good deed for the day, when as luck would have it, my friend's van broke down.
"Shit."
"I can take them," I had said, "it's not that far and I'll be back, most likely before the AA gets here."
He looked at me, stress lines evident on his face.
"Sure, go for it."
We got out and got them unloaded. They were tall, but easy enough to push. I figured I could push one and pull the other behind me. That's what I thought, at the time. I followed his instructions but you know how British roads are, you taking a left turning at Albuquerque, Herr Meets Hare came to mind and I offered a grimace at the reference. What should have been a half an hour journey turned into an hour and a half, eventually someone either phoned the police and said there was a weirdo walking around lost with two trolleys and a confused face, or they found me wandering and wondered "what the fuck?"
I don't know how long they had been following me, but from what I was told later, it had been a while. Behind me blue light strobed, which was their way of saying, "what the fuck are you doing and please pull over."
I turned around and nodded and jerked my head, inside the vehicle was two women, a brunette on the left and a blond on the right, the brunette nodded in acknowledgment and they sped up a bit further and pulled up next to me. I parked both and stubbed my foot and started hopping around.
The door opened and the brunette got out and I winced, stopping, "Excuse me I must offer my apologies but I'm about to have a six year old temper tantrum."
"Go right ahead."
"Call my friend," I chucked her my mobile and told her the details and she swiped phone and called him.
"Hello is this Andrew?"
"Yes."
I started kicking the trolley and swearing.
"I have an upset man here kicking two trolleys."
"He didn't steal them," there was a pause, Andrew later told me that he had said I wasn't intelligent enough to do so, she eyed me kicking and swearing at the two things and heard, "on my god damn day off."
He sighed.
"Did he get lost?"
"Yes," she snorted.
"It was only meant to take him half an hour."
The officer sighed.
"Where do you two work?" He told her, "is there someone there that can confirm this?"
"Yes."
She thanked him and told him she would take me there, but he suggested it would be quicker to take me to work, she answered and then thanked him again and switched off the mobile.
I was too busy having a blind rage while the blond sat in the car and watched.
"Sir?"
I stopped and puffed and panted, my foot sore and my heart aching from strain. "Can I sit down for a moment?"
She nodded.
She radioed something, turning her back to me and I got a good look at her ass, she looked to be a 39-27-37 with a B cup, roughly was my guess. The blond had bigger tits, the brunette wore trousers, a blue top and had armor over it, she carried everything and when she turned around, still carried that dour face she did when she stopped me.
"First of all I'd like to apologize for being an inconvenience," she studied me. "I have ID if you'd like to see it."
She nodded and I pulled out my passport and handed it over.
"American?"
"Yes ma'am."
She offered a tiny crack in her stoic demeanor.
"Nice photo."
"Really?" I sat back against the bush, "I was suffering from hay fever, my eyes were puffy and I don't photograph well."
She snorted and handed both back.
"You want to take a minute?"
I nodded, still gasping, she smiled.
"So what was the point in all this?"
I sighed. "I was trying to do something nice."
She nodded.
"Last bloody time that happens."
She grunted in amusement, or was that bemusement.
"On the bright side at least I didn't cost you too much paperwork." She nodded and scratched her chin. "Can I offer something incredibly cliché?"
"Sure."
"I know you probably get this all the time, but it's not every day that I'm being picked up by two incredibly attractive ladies, let alone officers."
She studied as if to say 'are you for real?'
"I did say it was cliché," I shrugged. "I apologize I'm all done now."
She snorted.
I finally caught my breath and stood up, "what do I do with these?"
