Late September brings cooler weather, an icy wind blowing in from the east and bringing a sudden end to barbecue season. Cassie's bump grows until it's as swollen and ripe as the apples swaying on the trees at the bottom of the garden. She finally concedes that she has to stop working, and resolves to stay at home from the end of the month. After a lot of debate, we've agreed a shortlist of boys and girls names which are stuck on the fridge, although Cassie's already crossed a few out.
At work, something has changed in me. A positive annual review and some projects actually coming in ahead of their deadlines make me feel more confident in my decision-making. I decide that we're only going to take one of the interview candidates we saw, hire an experienced contractor that we've used before and push some of the lower-priority projects back. I feel so much better and even my usually critical boss seems satisfied with the ways things are going.
Next door, Libby stayed longer than expected and I feel a sense of relief when I return from work one evening, and find her car has disappeared from Madeleine's neatly paved driveway. I know I should play it cool, maybe wait a few days and yet the very next day, I find myself ringing her doorbell, toolbox swinging from my hand.
"Well, well, if it isn't my favourite odd job man. Come round to see if I need anything doing?" she drawls, looking me up and down as she leans against the doorframe.
"Yes, I'm very handy you know."
"Oh, I know. I'm sure we can think of one or two things you can do for me," she says, and I follow her inside, leaving my toolbox and shoes in the hallway.
"So internet dating, huh?" I say. I should probably ease into it, ask her how she's been or ask after Libby but it's been on my mind and I just can't help myself.
"Listen, as I said, we both knew this couldn't last forever, right?" she said, taking a bottle of wine from the fridge. "I mean, it's been fun, a lot of fun, but this isn't a proper relationship, John."
"Yeah, you're right, I know," I concede with a brief nod, and realising I must have sounded immature.
"It's okay for you, you get to have a little fun then go back to Cassie and play happy families. Now Libby's gone, when you leave I just get to watch TV and go to bed on my own."
"I know, it's just that I'm kind of sad to see it end."
"I know," she said, briefly squeezing my hand, a tender gesture that was quite unlike her.
There was a pause, our eyes locking briefly as she flashed me a sad smile before she changed the subject.
"So... Cassie's looking healthily plump."
"Yes, she's due soon, in a month or so,"
"Boy or girl?"
"We've decided that we want to wait until the actual day."
"Wow, so this time next month you'll be a father, huh?"
"That's right," I said brightly, as I said every time someone mentioned it, although the truth was that I still couldn't quite believe it, and whenever I talked about it it felt so abstract, like I was talking about someone else. I thought that I'd gradually get used to the idea, but I still felt completely unprepared.
"You know, I guess we should really make this the last time, right?" she said.
"Sure," I conceded. We'd agreed before that it had been fun but had to come to an end sometime. We'd often talked about how badly she was affected when her ex-husband left her for his mistress, leaving her to bring up her young daughter on her own.
"Come John, we both knew this was just a summer thing, right? Just a bit of fun," she said, seeing the serious expression on my face.
"Yeah, I know, of course."
"But that doesn't mean we can't make our last time special," she said, brightening up as she took my hand and led me on the familiar route to her bedroom.
I sat on the bed and sipped my wine as she undressed. It was always such a pleasure to watch her strip. She seemed to enjoy it, taking her time, liking the hungry way I watched. I felt the first flickers of arousal as her silk blouse slid smoothly over her pale shoulders and her casual khaki trousers pooled at her ankles.
"Listen, there's one thing that's been bothering me," I said, watching as she folded her clothes neatly, placing them on a chair.
"Oh, what's that?" she asked, turning to face me, hands resting on the swell of her rounded hips and looking good enough to eat in just her underwear. Her panties were at eye level; they were silky and ivory coloured, with lace trim and a little pink bow at the centre.
"That first time, you said you saw me watching you, but thinking back I don't remember you showing any sign of knowing I was there. I mean, if you saw me why didn't you draw the curtains, or open the windows and tell me to clear off?"
"Well, maybe I liked it. Maybe having a hunky younger man watching me undress turned me on," she said, as she sat next to me on the bed and partially unbuttoned my shirt, sliding a hand inside and stroking my chest.
"So you were putting on a show for me?" I said, the penny finally dropping as I remembered the particular way she undressed as if it were a performance, the slow, teasing removal of her clothes, the flattering soft lighting, the sexy lingerie she always seemed to wear.
"Maybe a little," she said, unfastening her bra and sliding it from her arms. "I mean, after the first time."
"So you can't have been that serious about calling the police or telling Cassie then?" I replied, taking a large gulp of wine and savouring the fresh taste, unable to resist reaching out and gently cupping one of her nicely rounded boobs.
"Oh John, it was all just a little game that's all," she said with a sigh, sounding a little tired as she eased my shirt from my shoulders and kissed my neck. "Just a little roleplaying. I mean,you knew that, right? We both played along, you must have known."
"Um, I guess," I said, nodding, although that's not how I remembered it. I just remember that all that talk of calling the police just made me panic, made my mind go blank and my insides turn to cold water, made me just feel like agreeing to whatever she wanted so that she would keep my embarrassing little secret.
"Come on, we both know what kind of man you are, how happy you were to go along with me," she continued, sliding a hand beneath her pillows and pulling out the long silk scarf that she used to bind my wrists.
"Oh yes?"
"Yes, I saw it immediately, how much you wanted me and how much you wanted me to take control, to find a reason for you to give in and cheat on your lovely wife," she said, running the rich turquoise silk through her fingers. "And so, I came up with one."
"By blackmailing me?"
"No! Not blackmail exactly, let's call it coercion or persuasion maybe. But really it was just a game that, you have to admit, you loved playing along with," she continues as she pulls at the silk, my wrists pressed together now.
"A game, huh?" I said, feeling a little angry although she was right about me being only too willing to participate. Looking back, I'm not sure if I was angry that she seemed to size me up so quickly or that I'd seemed so weak-minded and easy to control, I just felt a wave of irrational anger suddenly swelling.
"Mmm, oh yeah, I like it when you struggle a bit, babe," she says, as I resist her. "Makes it all the more thrilling when you finally submit."
There's a brief struggle, but ultimately I'm stronger and I remain quiet as I pull my hands apart and roughly pull the scarf from her grasp.
"Come on, settle down, you know the rules," she says, looking confused as I stand and pull her to her feet.
