"Come here."
He glanced over from where he sat at his station, leaning forward with his hands on his keyboard. Those long fingers danced across the colored keys before he paused. "Can this wait?"
I couldn't keep track of all the games that Leslie played; there were too many of them and I'd never had much interest. When we played Mario Kart together, that was about the limit of my understanding. Still, I liked seeing him passionate about all of this with his friends. It wasn't out of the norm for me to end up sitting nearby where I could watch him play. Especially where I could watch his hands.
Even now they slid smoothly across the keyboard, clearly ready to return to his game.
Maybe it could wait. But I didn't really want to. It was a selfish thought that ran through my mind as I lifted my phone to wave it around.
"I saw a... a new position on Tiktok." My heart skipped a beat when the awkward words came out of my mouth.
This was new to us. To me. It was hard enough finding another asexual to have as a romantic partner, and hard enough to see how it worked out for us. Every queer person is different. We've come to accept ourselves but it's a different element in a relationship; I was curious and he liked it. We liked each other too. A lot.
Leslie proved this by pulling down his headphones. "Taking twenty, friends," he told into his mic before pushing another three buttons so the computer screen went blank.
Exhaling anxiously with my familiar budding nerves, I told myself not to panic. I didn't like new things and yet, here I was, suggesting something new.
But I liked Leslie. Loved him, even. We'd been together for nearly a year and only now was I growing comfortable with such physical intimacy. The man was patient. Busy, too, of course. Two years younger, five inches taller, and ridiculously charming whether he was with me, playing video games with friends, or doing whatever he did in his office job downtown.
"Are you sure?" He watched for my reactions carefully while he put a hand out for my phone.
I nodded and handed it over. Just another evening spent mindless scrolling, where I had happened across someone tactfully explaining a position in a modest manner that was meant to be more comfortable, more adjustable, and didn't make either partner claustrophobic feeling too close. It was a paranoia of mine and I couldn't let it go. I wanted to be close, yes, but not too close.
"What do you think?" I asked when he moved the video back to rewatch part of it.
He finished and looked up, grinning. There was a gleam in his eyes that shined brighter than before. "Makes sense to me. Where do you want to try this? Bedroom or the couch, maybe?"
"Sure." Then Leslie raised his eyebrow since I didn't exactly sound as sure as I said. We weren't going to do any of this if I wasn't committed. There was a flip-flop sensation in my stomach but I nodded. When I spoke again, I made certain I was more confident. "Yes, I want to try this."
"Do you want to try anything else to go along with this?"
A vague question, but I understood it. We had a process, a plan. He led us forward in a normal pattern that allowed me to grow customized to what to expect so I knew what I could enjoy. Tension melted inside my shoulders as I shook my head. "Us is good."
"Us is very good," he decided.
Leslie stepped forward to close the distance between us. He took me in his arms and I soaked in his warmth. I'd showered and only wore my pajama tank and shorts. It was a chilly evening, but I wanted the heat from Leslie. Even now a shiver ran down my spine that he smoothed out. He kissed my temple before prompting me to lean in, his hand moving to the back of my head.
Our lips met, comfort mingling with eagerness. He tasted like Cool Ranch Doritos and it reminded me I hadn't eaten dinner yet. It took four kisses before I found myself settling in for the long run. After spending several minutes musing over this opportunity with my boyfriend, I'd managed to reassure myself that this would be enjoyable and worth it.
I squeaked against his lips when his warm hands slipped under my tank, the heat contrast insanely noticeable. But I didn't stiffen. That counted that a win.
This was what I wanted. Him. This.
"It's just me," Leslie reminded me in a murmur before he started playing with my tank top. I shivered when he slowed to spin circles on my back with his bare fingers. He was terribly good at distracting me. And those hands. Somehow I forgot how much pleasure I could get from his touch. "Shall we move?"
I nodded before he slipped his tongue from my mouth. The small bit of distance was more than enough to make me miss him. So I closed the distance, grabbing at his shoulders. There was a knot in my stomach that I knew he could help undo, I just couldn't leave him. As he kept moving backwards it meant I had to keep following. Leslie led me down the hall toward our sofa we'd bought six months ago after having just a futon from when we moved in together.
Okay, it was my futon. I didn't want to get rid of it. But he'd talked me into the sofa and he had been right. Just like I hoped I could be right this time around.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as our kiss deepened. The heat around us grew until I no longer felt the chill. As Leslie pulled me close, no longer moving away, he slid his other hand up my tank to fondle my breast. The tight squeeze brought a sharp burst of pain before he massaged me, the caress distracting and stimulating.
"Mmm," a small moan escaped my lips. "We should have Doritos after this."
He laughed through our kisses before he moved his lips down my jawline all the way to my ear. I hiccuped when he teased my earlobe with my teeth. As he switched his hands about, the other breast now squeezed, I wondered if he could feel the mad beating of my heart. This was the sweet spot. The tender beginning. I did like this, on occasion, and with someone I trusted. Someone I loved.
"We can have all the Doritos you want, beautiful," Leslie teased me. "Do you want clothes on or off?"
