The darkness enveloped her car like a thick, black fog. Her headlights only illuminated about ten feet ahead of her and that was even with the brights on. She watched the white line on the right to keep her following the curvy country road. Lisa was going out to see him, her boyfriend, or was he her lover? Both names fit, but at the same time they really didnât. She didnât travel out to the country often except to see Dennis. Unfortunately, she was a city girl, though she pretended she was country by wearing jeans and boots non-stop.
He wasnât really 'country' either, even though he lived out there. Heâd originally come from an even bigger city than the one she came from, transplanted to the country all the way from Los Angeles, California.
She liked seeing her man, but at the same time she didnât like it. She loved being with him, but she didnât like the trip out there and the obstacles she had to overcome to see him.
She had to take the highway and driving that way it really wasnât that far. She didnât mind driving the highway, since she drove it each day to get to college. The hard part was after she got off the highway. There was a small âin townâ area that consisted of a few fast food stops, a grocery store, gas station, and the Indian reservation gambling hall. After that she was off to the country roads and that was the unnerving part.
On this night the sky was overcast, so there as no moonlight to guide her and not even a single star. Sheâd seen memorials placed on these back roads, probably because someone had underestimated a tight curve and ended up crashing with fatal results. She feared becoming one of those memorials herself.
The trip through the country roads was one of the problems with going to see him; the other problem was her parents. She lived with her parents by happenstance and not by choice. She couldnât very well tell them she was going out to spend the night with her boyfriend because they would flip out. Actually, they didnât even know that she had a boyfriend.
She had learned that her parents didnât like it much when she was dating because they wanted her to concentrate on her studies and her future career. When she wanted to go out and spend the night with Dennis she would tell her parents that she was staying at her best friendâs house. Even though she was way too old to be having sleepovers, they seemed to believe the lie.
She thought that maybe her father suspected something, but he never said anything about it. Her father was sometimes more understanding about relationships if it didnât seem to interfere with her life plans. But, her mother was the chaste one that believed that her daughters should be the same way as well, so the lies were really for her motherâs benefit to spare the feelings of being a failure at motherhood in teaching her daughter her values.
She didnât like lying to her parents. She was too old to still be lying, but she felt that she had no choice. During this relationship it had gotten to where she had been spending every weekend at her âbest friendâs houseâ. She had to put a stop to that so she wasnât lying all the time and also so she could have some time to herself to pursue her real passion, which was writing. Right now she was fulfilling her parents dreams for her because they didnât view writing as a practical career.
If it were up to her she would write nonstop until she was discovered. The course she was studying in school was computers and at least that was of some interest to her. Unbeknownst to her parents, she had selected one elective class, creative writing, unrelated to her major and she looked forward to this class every day.
In a couple of months, if her plans went her way, she wouldnât have to lie to her parents anymore because she would be moving to her own place. She constantly fantasized about having her own place and being truly independent. It would be wonderful to go where she wished and do what she wished and not have to answer to anyone about it. Also, she felt like once she moved out sheâd have more time to concentrate on writing and also be able to manage her life and her relationship much better.
Her boyfriend always whined when she couldnât or wouldnât come out to see him. She really wanted to see him, but it was just all the difficulties that got in her way. Sheâd broken up other relationships because the men had failed to realize the difficulties she had. Instead, they just wanted to gripe and complain and tell her what to do. But, her current man was a lot more understanding than the previous men had been and since sheâd been able to feel more connected to this him, it was a very good thing. She knew that once she had her own place a lot of the difficulties would go away and perhaps their relationship could become stronger.
As she drove concentrating on what street signs actually existed out there to make sure sheâd make the right turns, she became lost within her own thoughts, which, inside her head, could sometimes be a dangerous place. She thought of Dennis and his brown hair and hazel eyes. He wasnât really tall, but not what youâd consider short either. She considered herself to be kind of tall for a woman, standing at 5â8â, and she could look him directly in the eye when they were standing face to face, though it was a bit funny looking when she wore heels and she was taller than him.
There were things he did that sometimes got on her nerves, but he was a very sweet man that seemed totally devoted to her. For the last month or so sheâd been trying to figure out if she was in love with him. Heâd professed his love months ago and had been very patiently waiting on her since then. It was hard for her to tell if she was truly in love with him because sheâd been burned very hard so many times that she was beginning to suspect that she didnât know what love was until it was taken away. When you feel a sour burn after a relationship has crashed and dies, then you know it was love. She didnât want to wait for the sour burn to know if she was in love with her boyfriend because, unlike others, she didnât want this relationship to end. If the fates said that there was no chance for her relationship, she hoped that it wouldnât end anytime in the near future.
She thought maybe all that was enough to prove that she was actually in love, but she couldnât be sure. Maybe the reason she couldnât bring herself to realize that she was actually in love was because that meant telling him and once that was done she couldnât take it back. Itâs like when you are âin loveâ you are supposed to compromise and ride out your problems together, but she feared that if she admitted her love for him then she wouldnât be able to turn tail and run if one of them screwed up somehow.
Also, she might have a slight fear of commitment and, to her, saying âI love youâ was just as scary as saying âTill death do us partâ. It just meant you were in love and determined to see the relationship through. Also, she was afraid that sheâd get into something that she couldnât get herself out of.
Finally, as she drove, she thought to herself, âWhy am I agonizing over this, itâs not like heâs going to leave if I donât say those three little words.â
Dennis was being very patient to hear those words and she knew that he loved her, so for now that was enough to satisfy. With that thought firmly planted into her mind, the onslaught of confused thoughts and feelings seemed to disappear and her thoughts just focused on her boyfriend and only that.
She thought about Friday and how theyâd met for a lunch date and how the despair had registered on his face when she had told him that she wouldnât be able to see him that weekend yet again. It had been six weeks since theyâd had some quality time together; it had been just too difficult for her to get out and see him. When she saw his face and expression of grief, the guilt of it all tore a hole through her. She chastised herself when her mindâs voice spoke up and griped about how she wasnât willing to sacrifice for this man that she obviously felt something for, but there wasnât a lot to do about it. If she told her parents, sheâd get berated, with a lot of assumptions and accusations. It seemed that's what always seemed to happen when she was in a relationship.
Also, telling her parents wouldnât mean sheâd see more of Dennis; in fact it would probably be less, since theyâd know about the boyfriend. So, no way would they accept the story of her staying at her friendâs house. Even though she was at the age where she shouldnât care about what her parents thought, she knew that if she told them she was spending the night at her boyfriendâs house her mother would just have a heart attack. Her father, while a bit more understanding, would become pissed at the stress that she was causing her mother, so it was a no win situation.
Well, soon enough she would have her own place then there would be no more guilt burrowing in her gut. She just hoped they could hold on long enough for her to get her own place, and then things would be all good.
She had surprised Dennis tonight by calling him and asking if he felt like shopping. He didnât think that heâd hear much from her this weekend, much less see her on Saturday night. They hadnât been together for six weeks and during that time sheâd gotten horny of course, but at the level that she could easily take care of it herself. But Friday night sheâd gotten extremely horny. She was so horny that she nearly tried to go out late on Friday, but then sheâd found out heâd gone out with is buddies since she wasnât coming over.
On this night sheâd called him early to make sure he didnât have any plans, though even if he did she would have just had to go where ever he was and fuck his brains out right then and there, no matter where. Luckily, he had no plans and was just sitting at home being depressed.
She decided to go out under the lie of going shopping. She commonly went shopping late at night to the twenty-four hour stores like Wal-mart; it was just less stressful at that time. She really did need to go to the store, but she decided to combine that with a little interlude with her boyfriend.
When she was all ready to go, she called him. When he answered she talked quietly so that her parents wouldnât hear.
âHey you,â he said.
He knew it was her by his caller id, plus heâd programmed his cell phone to ring in a certain way when she called so heâd know it was her even before looking.
âYou wanna go shopping with me tonight?â she asked.
âAhhâŠ.Yeah sure I guess. Are you going to stay the night?â He asked with a slight note of hope in his voice.
âNope, I canât because Iâve got some class work to complete tonight, but I figured Iâd come over and weâd drive to the store together.â She said.
âWell, I guess so. Iâll start getting ready, take a shower and all,â he said.
âGo ahead with the shower, but you donât have to rush about getting ready because I figured that weâd sit and talk a bit first then we could go to the store.â She said. Of course, she had no intention of talking.
âOkay, yeah sure, that sounds great,â he said sounding a bit unsure.