We were still on the floor, my head on his shoulder. The cabin was dark except for the candles I had lit earlier. It was getting chilly. Through the window, I could see a full moon rising just above the trees. Finally, I turned my head towards Tristan.
"I don't know about you but I am famished. I'm a great soup maker and made a pot of mushroom barely soup yesterday--want some?"
I asked.
"That would be great," Tristan answered. "I only had that croissant at the café and yes, I've worked up an appetite," he said. He leaned over and kissed me lightly. "If you make soup the way you write stories, I'm in big trouble," he said.
"Well, buddy, you might be in a jam you won't know how to get out of," I said, smiling. "I make wicked good soup."
"Sounds perfect, you wicked woman, you," he said, smiling.
"How about making a fire in the wood stove," I asked. "It's going to be a chilly October night with that full moon." I got up and wiggled into my jeans, grabbed the flannel shirt I had thrown off and buttoned it half way up now that it was chilly in the cabin.
"I'll put the soup on and then I have to go feed Gypsy."
He went to the wood bin next to the stove, gathered some kindling I had in a box and started a fire. I got the pot of soup out of the refrigerator and put it on the stove, then went out to the barnyard to feed the horse, goats and throw some cracked corn to the chickens.
Within fifteen minutes, we had a nice fire going and the smell of the soup filled the room. The stove had a glass front and the flames made a nice glow. While I got bowls and spoons and stirred the soup, Tristan stood by the window looking up at the full moon. We were both quiet.
After an afternoon and early evening of reading my erotic stories and then acting them out with Tristan, I was dizzy with thoughts racing through my mind. I could not believe what was happening to me. Years of living alone, raising my daughter, gardening jobs and writing these stories, then suddenly, out of the blue, this stranger enters my life. Would I ever be the same again? Would he stay or leave? Where was all of this heading? Where did I want it to go?
"What are you thinking?" I asked Tristan as he looked up at the moon.
He turned to me and shrugged his shoulders. "This morning I was standing at my window, watching the leaves fall, realizing that my life was like those leaves falling to the earth to dry up and wither away and suddenly, impulsively I make the decision to just take off, drive, get away, not sure where I was heading and now here I am in a cabin of a beautiful sexy, intelligent writer reading me erotic stories and living our sexual fantasies." He paused. "I guess I'm trying to absorb all of this—nothing like this has ever happened to me before."
I nodded, looking at him at the window. "Me, too," I said. "I never expected to meet a stranger in the café and invite him to hear my stories. Do you think it was destiny that we met?"
Before he answered, I said, "Soup's on," and carried two steaming bowls to the table. We sat down. I touched his hand.
He took a sip of soup and said, "Hey, this is great soup. Perfect for a chilly night," he added.
"So, mister, do you think it was destiny that we met?"
"No, I think it was random luck—not destiny. I think I just happened to stop in that café and you happened to be there. I don't believe in destiny or that this was meant to happen—it just did. I think we create our lives by taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves."
"Really, you think it was just an accident, a fluke that we met," I said.
"Yep!"he said, sipping his soup, looking at me.
"And now what," I asked. "What do you want to happen now that we met by accident?" I looked at him, surprised by his philosophy.
"I don't know what the future holds," he said. "All I know is I got in my car and just started driving. I broke out of my routine. I abandoned my work, my garden, my responsibilities, but meeting you has opened me up to things I hadn't realized I was missing. Now I'm not sure I want to go home to all of my responsibilities. I just want to feel free, let go," he said.
"You're tired of being responsible and conscientious, aren't you?" she said,
"Right, I want to feel alive and free. Meeting you and being here this afternoon, hearing your stories, acting out sexual fantasies is making me wonder how I can ever go back to how I've been living all these years. It seems so sterile."
"What do you want to do?" I asked. "Are you going to keep traveling forever? Do you want to stay here and fuck everyday? Or go home?"
"Do you want me to stay here?" he asked. "You have your life and responsibilities?"
"Good question," I responded. "I don't know. We just met. We hardly know each other."
"That's right. The fact is we're both on journeys and our paths just happened to cross. I'm enjoying hearing your stories and getting to know you. Maybe if I stayed we could be good for each other. Maybe we would drive each other crazy. If I left, you'd be a great memory and I'd end up back at my cabin the richer for all that I experienced. Is there a good answer?"
Both of us were silent, finishing up our soup. I was thinking about what Tristan had said and wondering what it would be like if he stayed. What it would be like if he left?
Finally, I said, "Sometimes I think the problem with us writers is we think too much. We're always working out a plot, analyzing everything, imagining this scenario or that. We're too detached, too serious."
"That's true," he said.
I took our empty bowls to the sink. I put on water for tea and then came back to the table.
He looked at me and smiled. I loved how his eyes looked in the candle light. He then sighed as he looked at me.
"You're right about thinking too much," he said. "And the problem with being too serious, too much in our heads, is that we don't live in the present—the now."
I nodded and thought about what he was saying. He continued. "It's a dilemma because the present becomes the future. What we do in the now can affect what happens."
"You're right," I responded. "If we always think too much about the future, we miss the present. You're here with me now and we just shared this soup, this candlelight, that wonderful full moon and each other."
Suddenly, both of us were quiet, staring at the flickering candlelight. Both of us were deep in thought, not sure what we wanted or where we were heading.
"So, Tristan, do you think this a one night stand?" I asked.
"I'm not sure," he said. "You're the one who said we writers think too much. We should live in the present, the now, and I'm trying to do that."
"Do you want this to be a one night stand?" I asked.
"Do you?" he asked back.
"Are you asking do I want to have a relationship rather than be two strangers passing in the night?" I paused. "My answer is—I don't know. This is new for me, too. Since my daughter left, I've lived in this cabin for the last few years alone. I like it, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to live the rest of my life like this. You know, alone. I just don't want to go out looking for Mr. Right. I just thought he would show up or we would meet by accident."
"I understand," I said. "So you're wondering if I'm Mr. Right."
"Yes, of course I'm wondering that," I answered. "I guess. I would like more time to see if we should hang out together for awhile and I am wonder what you're thinking."
"I'm wondering the same thing," he said. "I think it's important to try to live without expectations. That way, I'm never disappointed and many times I'm surprised and delighted by the unexpected."
"That's a good philosophy," I said. "But it's hard not to have expectations."
"It's important though. I went on this journey just to get away. I didn't think. I had no plan, no expectations. I don't even know where I am or how far from home I am. I have no destination, but now I'm here with you and don't know whether I should stay or head out tomorrow."
"Let's stop thinking," I said. "Let's just go hour by hour."
"That's a deal." He said. "Let's shake hands to that."
I got up and put another log in the stove. Tristan smiled at me when I came back to the table. We both took a deep breath, looking at each other without speaking.