If there was one thing I was enjoying about this night it was that I looked better than all the other bitches here. Which is ironic, considering that in high school I was considered the 'ugly duckling'. I was the one that no boy wanted to date. The loner, the one with no friends, take your pick. Now, however, I was the one with the rocking hot body. The only one who didn't gain fifty something pounds of baby weight, and probably the only one who wasn't in some dead end marriage destined to fail in five years. Oh. I was also 'that bitch'. But years of criticism build a person up for that, no?
Maybe I should have started with this: My name is Brenna Hewatt. I'm a thirty-something year old woman and I'm a dietician. The confidence is mostly fake and alcohol related, but for the moment it's serving its purpose. Niceties were driving me up the wall and I'd come to learn that class reunions weren't worth the hassle. As I said, the only thing I'd established was that I had the best body here. The body was something I'd worked hard for. I was allowed to be proud of it. In high school I had been very overweight. In my line of work right now I worked mostly with the overweight population, trying to help them as I'd helped myself. Seeing the transformations everyday really did serve a purpose in my life. Hard work, exercise, and eating well does pay off, folks.
Anyways, I was trying to stay out of the way. I had nothing to say to most of these people. Seeing my old crushes again really did nothing for my self-esteem. Especially since none of them even recognized me. Maybe it was because I was no longer 'Big Brenna'. I cringed. Nothing was worse than that memory. My high school best friend, Abbie, was running late. I was just waiting on her to get here so I could finally have some fun. The two of us knew how to tear shit up. Maybe there would even be a chance to get laid? Or were all of the semi attractive ones taken? That was the real question.
"Oh my god! Big Brenna is that you?!" That squeaky voice still got on my nerves fifteen years later.
"It's just Brenna." I snapped. I looked the little blonde in the face. God, she hadn't changed one bit. Kayla Madden, your typical head cheerleader. Tiny, busty, and seemingly perfect, glowing skin. Again, she hadn't changed one damn bit.
"You look fantastic!" She chirped.
"Thanks. So do you, I guess." This elicited a huge smile out of her.
"Thanks! So what's your secret? How'd you lose all that weight?" The thick Southern accent made me glad I'd moved out of Georgia. She was the typical Southern Belle. All prim and proper, and a secret slut.
"How does anyone lose weight, Kayla?" I said dryly. I ran my hand down my body to smooth out my dress. It was riding up my legs, and Kayla was the last person in the room I wanted to flash.
"Well some people..." She let the sentence trail off and pretended to gag herself. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah well, I actually worked for it." For fucks sake, who did she think I was? "Now if you'll excuse me..." I caught sight of Abbie walking through the door. My god, it was good to see her. I walked away from Kayla to meet Abbie across the room.
"Abbs!" I smiled and opened my arms. She ran up to me and embraced me. It was truly the best part about coming home. I hadn't seen Abbie in almost a year, and she was the one lasting friendship I had. The only person who had stuck with me through the wildness that was my twenties and still managed to put up with me. This girl was like my sister and I'd do anything for her.
"My god, Bren, it's been so long!" She pulled out of the hug and looked me over. "Now let's tear this shit up!"
"I hope you mean the bar... because there is absolutely no ass to tear up here." I laughed. It was an inside joke between us.
"Oh come on. Don't tell me that Carter hasn't shown up yet." She teased. I gripped the glass in my hand a little tighter. Carter Ellis. Yes, he was one of the great men I met in high school (maybe I should say the best looking). Baseball player, looked fantastic in pants, and one of the few guys who hadn't been a complete asshole to me.
"I haven't seen him." I said. Truth be told, I had forgot about him.
"I'm sure he'll show soon. It's not too late." She put her hand on my shoulder and led me toward the bar.
"He's probably taken."
"One step at a time, hon. First let's get that tequila sunrise and touch up your makeup. You look a little rough, babe." She laughed. All I could do was smile. I'd been drinking enough; I was surprised that I wasn't sporting 'drunk face' yet.
"Real fucking funny." I laughed with her. The first stop was the bathroom. When I caught a look of myself in the mirror, I realized that she was right. My perfectly applied makeup had started to melt off in the sweltering heat. However, the perfectly constructed curl in my hair had held up. The golden brown curls fell around my face softly, framing my face. My lips popped with a bright red lipstick. It was a nice contrast to the infamous little black dress I was wearing. My objective tonight was to get with Carter. It had been a goal of mine since high school. I wanted to catch his attention. So I fixed my makeup, and crossed my fingers that he would be outside when we returned back to the 'party'. "Abbs?"
"Yes love?"
"What if he doesn't show up?" I felt like the insecure eighteen-year-old version of myself.
"He will. I have on good authority that he's coming tonight."
The last time I'd had any contact with Carter, it had almost ended in what I wanted. I remembered it well, he had come up to New York with Abbie and the only thing that had stopped it from happening was his girlfriend. The thing is this- Carter and I had always had a thing for each other. We hadn't done anything about it in high school for obvious reasons. The star of the baseball team couldn't date at the bottom of the social food chain. So we had settled for a flirtationship for all these years. Now it was the time where we remembered a pact we'd made at sixteen. If we were single, we'd give 'us' a shot at our first class reunion. This happened to be that reunion. Fifteen years later, I might have a chance with this man.
"Christ I'm so nervous. What if he's still with her?"
"Then it's something you'll have to accept, Bren."
Her words were simple and true enough, but they sent little anxiety butterflies through my body. Those anxiety butterflies made me feel a little sick, but I couldn't give myself puke breath. I leaned up against the bathroom counter for a minute. Deep breaths, Brenna, deep breaths. It would be okay. It would be okay. No matter what the outcome of this was, it was going to be okay. Not being with Carter would be a good thing, right? You'd have to move back to Georgia, you know he wouldn't move to New York. But would Georgia be such a bad compromise for someone you've held so dear for so long? I shook the thoughts out of my head. Odds were that he was taken. Who wouldn't want to snag him up and keep him for themselves? A crazy woman, that's who.
"Let's get out of this damn bathroom." I said. I did a quick double check in the mirror and walked out behind Abbie. One deep breath, and I exited the bathroom with a new kind of faux confidence.
And wouldn't ya know. Carter had shown up. He was standing in front of me with this trademark giant grin of his. Now Abbie's phone made sense. He was the 'good authority' she spoke of. I instantly melted. Even after all these years Carter still had the ability to turn my insides into mush. Everyone in our school had known about my crush on him. It was a surprise that he even talked to me after all that was said. But here he was, with that brilliant white smile of his, waiting on me.
"Damn girl!" He remarked. I smiled up at him. I hoped my teeth were as white as his. Oh the teenager in me was coming out tonight.
"Damn to yourself, Ellis." And damn was definitely an accurate statement. He was still as athletic fifteen years after high school as he was in high school. Which naturally meant that he was probably still smaller than me. He stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug. The scent of his cologne made its way to my nose, and it was as good as ever. I wrapped my arms around him and let myself enjoy this. Arms so strong and that felt so right... I couldn't remember the last time a single set of arms felt this good. "How have you been?"
"I've been okay. How about you?" We were now beating around the bush. He was holding something back, I knew he was.
"Still a workaholic." I laughed. "No social life outside of the crazy hospital rotations. Not sure why I decided to get an MD and go into this subfield."
"I'm proud of you, though." He said sincerely. He was still holding on to me a little too tight.
"What about you? You still working in the same place?"
"Still trying to provide for my family. Just had another little boy a year ago." That made my heart sink. When Carter got divorced the first time, it had almost killed him. His ex put him through hell to get visitation to his kid. I couldn't imagine that he had left a second baby mama.
"Congratulations! How come you didn't tell me?" I know the disappointment was obvious in my voice.
"I didn't want to hurt you, Bren." He said softly. "I know I can't keep it from you now."
"Are you at least happy with her?" I laid my head against his chest. So this was going to be a bust.
"No." He said. "She left me and the baby right after he was born. For now it's just me and my babies. But Bren, I don't want anything serious right now. Too much has happened, and my kids have been through enough."
