"Just go!!"
"Rebecca, if you would just . ."
"Damn it, Jonathan, I said to go. I need to think"
"Fine. Call me when you are done thinking."
When the door slammed shut and I heard his footsteps go down the hallway, I slid down the wall and laid my arms across my knees and allowed myself to release the sobs building up inside. Why me? Why now?
Thing had been boiling to a head really quickly between Jonathan and I. He didn't understand my obsession with the reserve, and he wouldn't accept the time I spent protesting the demolition. That it was my job was one thing, but that he didn't grasp that I had to keep it open?
My father opened the reserve in '86. He had slaved against people left and right who had wanted to develop the land instead of leaving it natural. I couldn't let his dream just die. Regardless of the weeks I had spent traveling and trying to get funding, I just couldn't quit now
The thing was, I didn't so much care about the cheating. It was more the lying that did it for me, and the way he placed the blame for his actions on me. I didn't treat him right. If I were home more he would be able to love me. I loved the reserve more than him. He just didn't understand.
The reserve, called simply Refuge, is a rehabilitation park for animals native to Montana. Doctors from around the world come here to learn and to help rehabilitate and reintroduce the animals to nature after they have been wounded. Most of our animals are ones who have been injured in traps or by ranchers trying to protect their herds. We have also had the occasional litter of babies whose mothers had gone missing.
My job was to get donations for our research, as we were funded purely by donations from philanthropic societies and research grants from both the state and federal environmentalist groups.
Jonathan didn't grasp the time commitment that required. All he could think about was his time, his life, and his cock, primarily the last. When I'd get home at night, usually after a thirteen-hour day, he'd expect me to come running into his arms and fuck him like an over eager nympho. I wasn't capable of doing that every night of the week.
When I walked in the door Jonathan jumped off the couch and followed me into the bedroom. I kicked my shoes into the closet and slid my skirt off. Then, I sat down on the bed took off my stocking and started unbuttoning my shirt. Seeing this as an offer, he came over and started trying to feel me up through my shirt.
"Jonathan, I just got home."
"I know, baby, I just want you so bad."
I pushed his hands away and stood up, "Jonathan, I don't want this right now."
"When do you want it? Do you ever?" He almost yelled at me. "You hardly even realize I am here anymore."
"Jonathan, I know you're here and I know you have needs, but I do too. Right now I need you to be supportive. I am working so hard to get funding so they don't close the reserve. I've been flying from here to Great Falls, to Helena, to Bozeman; I'm tired. Maybe, instead of jumping on me the minute I walk through the door, you could just talk to me."
"Bec, I love you, but I need you here. You need to quit Refuge, get a normal job, and let it go."
"I can't just let it go! My dad ran the reserve almost his whole adult life. He rehabilitated hundreds of animals that would have otherwise died. I can't lose his legacy. I just can't. Why can't you understand that?"
"I understand, I do. I just don't understand why you don't look at the bigger picture."
"Bigger picture? What bigger picture? Oh, the picture where the state closes the reserve, plows all that natural forest down, ruins the habitat for God knows how many animals, and then what? Oh, yeah, they build a highway and a few outlet malls. Gotta 'raise the economy.' What about Montana being one of the few beautiful wild places left?"
"Bec, calm down. It's not as bad as you make it. You're making it out to sound like they are going to plow down the mountains. They just want to extend the highway system to include a few of the smaller towns, and to open up some jobs. This state isn't exactly the center of world commerce."
"Jay, why does it need to be the 'center of world commerce'? The biggest industry we have here is tourism. Why do we have tourism? Because of all the forests, mountains, and beautiful places. That is what Montana is about, not big business."
"I can't talk to you anymore, you just don't care about us. Nina gave me what I need, you didn't. I can always see her, she always wants me."
"I don't care if you see her, Jay, we're over. I want you out."
That was how my day had gone. That morning I had also been turned down by three committees I was pressing for funds. It hadn't been that great a day. I needed a long hot bath and a glass of wine.
Twenty minute later, all the lights were turned off, and four vanilla candles were lit around the bathroom. While the tub filled I sprinkled vanilla bath crystals in the water and watched them foam up.
Slipping into the warm water was heaven. I sank in up to my neck, reveling in the heat of the water on my tired muscles. I felt like I had climbed twenty flights of stairs today.
Just once I would like Jonathan to think about me. Even when we did have sex, it wasn't that great. I hadn't had a real orgasm in months. Usually I was so tired that I would fake one just to get it over with. Not that Jonathan cared anyway. Once he came it was rollover and snore, never a thought that maybe I needed a release too.
I felt lost in this relationship. I wasn't a person to him. He didn't even know me, didn't know my dreams or desires. He didn't even realize that I had desires. I could have been a hole in a restroom wall for all he cared. I needed to feel sexy again. I needed.
I hadn't even made myself cum in longer than I could remember. I was usually too tired. Well, no time like the present, I was sick of hiding myself. I deserved a little relaxation. Slipping my hand into the water I slid my hand down my stomach to my warm mound. Despite the heat of the water a sensual shiver ran up my spine when my finger traced the outer contour of my lips. I slid my finger between them, and ran it the length of my pussy. I was slick and ready for pleasure.
With my other hand I caressed my breasts, twisting first one nipple and then the other. The feeling sent waves of warmth through me and I started sliding my hand over my clit in slow circular movements. On each downward stroke, I dipped a finger into my hot pussy. My cunt was tight and my fingers submerged in the slickness causing courses of heat through out my body.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the edge of the tub, enjoying the feeling of my rising arousal. God, it felt good. My hips were thrusting involuntarily in time with the motion of my hand, and I felt a soft hiss of a moan escape my lips. It had been too long. I was sick of getting told no. I was sick of having to be everybody's whipping girl. Things were going to change, starting now. I was going to take control.
I started circling my clit a little faster and brought my other hand to take over fingering my cunt. I pressed two fingers into my clenching pussy and circled my clit faster and faster while fucking myself roughly with my other hand. I wanted and needed to have this, to feel this fire.
Heat was searing through my body as I crashed closer and closer to release. My heart was racing and I was slick with my desire. I cried out as my cunt clenched down hard on my fingers. Wave after wave of passion flooded through me. I kept pinching and teasing my clit until it got too sensitive, making little tremors of electricity shudder through me. I'd been needing that.
Thoroughly relaxed, I took a sip of my wine.
Thursday dawned grim and rainy. I had a charted flight to Helena scheduled to appeal to governor Reynolds for a grant. I doubted he'd approve it, but I had to try.
I dressed carefully, knowing that Reynolds was extremely sexist about women in positions of power. I had decided after my fun in the tub that I was going to tempt, tease, torture, and seduce the money out of Reynolds. I was going to use every weapon in my arsenal to get what I needed, including my body.