Kat was startled awake by the loud beeping coming out of the speakers on her alarm. Her mind being pulled back to earth from the sweetest of dreams about soft, curvaceous lips. She was naked and alone on the couch. 'Shit,' she thought, 'hour til work.' She hoisted herself up and looked over at the bed. Sarah was still sleeping, her fake tits perched precariously on her tiny body. Kat slid into her pants, pulled a fresh t-shirt over her head and threw her long hair into a bun at the top of her head. She poured herself a stale cup of the coffee that remained from the day before, chugged it then silently snuck out the front door.
John was waiting for her behind the bar when she got there.
"Morning sunshine, you look like shit."
"Ha ha, go fuck yourself," Kat jabbed back.
"Naw I can just have you do that for me darling," he said smirking.
"In your dreams, old man."
"Hey, I may be old but my stamina says otherwise," he said, leaning forward and looking greedily at Kat.
"Gross. Stop. Its too early for this shit. Don't you have some Depends to buy or something?" Kat responded and Jon chuckled. She was always creeped out when John said shit like that to her, even though it was playful, John was not a man to be fucked with. It was like if you touched him, a layer of shame would coat your skin where you came in contact.
She ran the bar just like any other day. She made sure the bar was stocked, shit was cleaned out of the bathrooms and her usuals were comfortable in their spots for the day. She admired the transparency of these old men and women. Every day they would come here, ignoring the outside world and drink away their neurosis in the dark corners of a nowhere bar. Not caring who saw or what happened. They just let everyone know who they are and this, to Kat, was the bravest of acts.
Since she was on the day shift of the bar, she had some daylight left, even though it was obscured by the thick grey clouds above. This meant she still had hours left before she slept, hours before oblivion. She grabbed a handle of the cheapest vodka before closing her shift, assuring she'd have some kind of escape when she got home.
The bar was only about a twenty five minute walk from her apartment so she put her headphones in and took her usual route home. Through the streets of downtown, the homeless camps, down the boardwalk next to the piers, then through the industrial part of town. She hit the middle of her walk, when all of sudden she felt extremely noticeable, vulnerable. She started walking faster, keeping her head down. She hit the board walk and the feeling grew, making her extremely uncomfortable. She was afraid to look up, knowing this feeling. She had felt it before, a long time ago and she was scared.
Suddenly, she ran into something hard. And tall. She was knocked down so at this point she was forced to look up. There they were. Those curvaceous lips. They broke into a crooked smile. Her heart beating out of her chest, she reluctantly looked up further, to the eyes above. Her heart shattered. She looked down again not being able to form a coherent thought.
"Sorry, sorry, I-I sh-should've been w-watching whe..." She left the man with an unfinished thought, got up as quickly as humanly possible and ran home before he could get out a word or see the tears streaming out of her eyes.
Kat burst through her front door. She was alone again. She sunk down against her wall, curled into a ball on her floor and let her tears flow. She allowed herself to stop being numb, the emotions coming to the surface for the first time since her life had crumbled. The pain was severe, almost physically palpable. She cried until she couldn't produce any more tears. When she could move again, her first act was to grab the handle out of her bag. Then, she stripped down to her tshirt and panties. She unscrewed the top and started gulping the liquid that so sweetly poured out of the top.
Once she was sufficiently numb again, she stumbled to her couch. She sunk down, down further, and held the bottle close to her chest, trying to feel a beat. Nothing. She gazed upon the city that was just starting to light up while guzzling more of the vodka, tears still rolling down her cheeks. She fell asleep, face swollen, bottle half in her mouth and in sweet, sweet oblivion.
Kat awoke confused on the couch. She almost had forgotten what had happened the day before. It hit her again, like a rip current, taking her breath away and crushing any hope she had of standing up. She first reached for her phone and called John to tell him she wouldn't be in. He was pissed but let her off easy. Next, she reached for the half full bottle that was just within her grasp and started gulping. She spent the morning on the couch, not moving, seeing or thinking.
All Kat wanted to do was go back to a year ago, back when she didn't know how to feel. In the early afternoon, her phone rang, a little drunk and confused, Kat answered.
"Hello?"
"Kat. I may have done something bad." It was Angie.
"What did you do this time?" Kat murmured.
"I may have told Dominic where your new apartment is..." Angie said in bashful tone.
"What. The. Fuck. Angie?" Kat was completely sober and alert now.
"It was last night, I was drunk and he asked so I told him! You know how I..." Kat hung up. If Dominic knew, he would be coming over. He would be here. 'No. I'll simply, be gone' She thought. She leapt up and started to pack, throwing everything into bags. She was reaching for her toothbrush when she heard a firm knock on the door. Kat froze. She started shaking and looked toward the window, wondering if she could jump three stories and still be able to run.
"Kathrine, I know you're there. Please open the door." It was Dominic, his light, inquiring voice melted her core. Still not moving, Kat stared, not wanting to make a sound.
"Kathrine," Dominic said again, "Please open the door. I haven't seen you in months, you changed your number, you moved here to avoid me for Christ's sake. Just open the door. I need to see you. You left without even saying goodbye. Please."
Kat knew that if she opened the door Dominic would be back in her life forever. She knew she would never be able to let go this time. Her mind raced back to six months ago. How she realized what she was doing, how much she loved him, and how she walked away. She walked away from what they had, what they both wanted but could never be functional enough to actually do. How he made rips in her heart again and again, then finally broke it. And she let him.
The whole thing was her fault really, and she hated herself for it. When she was with him, she gave up all hope of keeping promises to herself or keeping a level head and she didn't care. No matter what happened or how many times it happened, it somehow was exactly the way it was supposed to be. Her thoughts slowly settled, then there were none. She walked absently to the door, turned the handle and opened it.
He was actually there, standing broadly in the doorway. His tall, burly body taking up almost the whole space. He was dressed in a suit, neatly pressed and well presented, as usual. In his warm, dominating presence Kat was lost all resistance. She stared at his body all she could before she was forced to look in his face. His brown hair and a red beard framed his face. The beard encompassing his soft, full lips that formed his crooked smile. She then let her gaze wander up into his blue green eyes. They were unlike anything Kat had ever seen, filled with spark and mischief and constantly changing. He opened his mouth to speak,
"Kat..." he was taking in her form, her small frame, her scars, her dull, swollen eyes, "Kat," he said again and enveloped her. His big arms wrapped around her, her head buried into his chest, smelling the warm intoxicating scent of his skin. As he tightened his grasp, it was as if he was squeezing all of the bad memories, self-hatred and sadness out of her. She lost all function in her legs and her knees buckled, Dominic caught her, carrying her to the bed. He laid her down and crawled up next to her, covering them both up and wrapping his arms around her again. They fell asleep, Kat in udder bliss.
She woke up in her bed. Soft sheets sliding against her bare skin. She reached out toward the warmth in the bed next to her and touched skin that was softer than the sheets. Not wanting to open her eyes, she snuggled closer to the warmth. Pressing her cheek up against the soft skin and working her way into the nook that she so dearly missed. Holding her ear to the barrel chest, hearing the loud thu-thump of his heart.
