(This is a continuation of Parts 1 and 2 of this story. In Part 3, we return to the story from Leigh's point of view.)
*****
Crazy. Fun. Scary. Exciting. I don't know what to call these last 24 hours, but somehow all of those words seem to describe how I'm feeling about it.
It's been so long since I've felt anything other than sadness, frustration and anger. In the last 24 hours, I've smiled. In the last 24 hours, I've laughed. In the last 24 hours, I've opened up—heart and legs. Part of me wants to shut it all down.
Honestly, when I left from the hotel earlier, that was my original intent. It was scary. I've never wanted someone so bad, but wanted to keep them at an arm's length at the same time. Jayson was truly my first love and had he not transferred in college, who knows what could have been between us.
By the time I arrived home, I knew I wanted to shoot my shot. Something, deep down was telling me to give him a chance. Let him in. So, here I am. About to let him in, at least into my home tonight and who knows where else later. Well, I have a few ideas.
As my mind began to wander about the possibilities, I was brought back by a notification on my phone. It was a text from Jayson.
"Hey baby girl. I'm on my way, just leaving the hotel. The GPS says it's about 30 minutes to your place. You're out in the boonies or something? J/K..sorta"
I texted back "you got jokes, ha ha ha. See you soon. Hope you brought your appetite!" as I laughed at what he's probably imagining.
He was right. I WAS out in the boonies...sorta. I lived on the outskirts of town in one of the more rural areas. When I separated from my now ex (I'm still getting use to saying "ex"), I wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle and have a place where I could sit outside and just hear nature and not be distracted by highway noise. I also wanted space.
I needed space for son to run around and enjoy being a kid. But, I really needed the space for me. For me to feel free after being stuck in a dead-end marriage where I felt I had to be the one to carry my ex's burdens.
So I found this cute two-story house, with a large yard, and an outdoor patio with an installed hot tub. I had neighbors, but they were far enough not to be able to see over my fence which created the boundary for the back yard. Yet, close enough that we could say we were truly neighbors and knew each other.
I made my way over to the stove to check on the pasta I was cooking for tonight. A simple meal, but one of my favorites. It was ready. I grabbed two plates and two glasses from the cabinet and the sparkling white grape juice from the fridge.
I still had about another 15 minutes before Jayson would arrive, so I figured it was a great time to change into my outfit for the night— a short t-shirt dress that hung slightly off the shoulder and was just long enough to cover my ass. Oh, and a thong. Forgoing the bra tonight.
Yeah, I invited him over to eat. But, let's be honest. I wanted him to be hungry for me too.
As I finished up upstairs, I heard a vehicle come into the driveway. I walked over to the hallway window and glanced down to see Jayson.
He was wearing jeans, white sneakers and a t-shirt. Simple, yet sexy. He wasn't in the house yet and I couldn't wait to get him in, if you know what I mean.
I headed downstairs and opened the door just as he was ringing the doorbell.
"Hey Jayson, come on in. Dinner is ready, just have to plate it," I said as I waved my hand toward the kitchen and stepped to the side as Jayson entered the house.
"This is nice Leigh. I really like the architecture. Was this a remodel or a new build? It's just beautiful. Sorry I'm going on about the house, but you know, it's kind of my thing," said Jayson as he stepped inside.
"It was a remodel. The owners before me really did a lot of work, more than I would have done. I don't have that type of patience," I responded with a laugh. "I still have an unfinished basement, but I figure that can be a project down the road."
As we walked into the kitchen where it was better lit, I could hear Jayson behind me clear his throat and give a "hmm". I tried to hide back a smile. The dress was working and by going braless, my nipples were clearly showing through.
I plated the pasta onto our plates and Jayson picked them up while I grabbed the glasses and sparkling grape juice.
"Where to ma'am?" he asked.
"It's a nice evening out. Let's go on the back patio," I suggested.
"Like that?" Jayson quickly asked with a bit of intrigue and concern at the same time.
"Like what?" I responded.
"With just that shirt on?" he asked as he glanced me over.
"It's a dress, thank you. And yes, with this on. The back yard is fenced in and the neighbors are far enough to where they can't see what's going on back there," I said as I gave a sly smile. "So c'mon."
I opened the door to the patio from the kitchen and we settled down at the umbrella covered table. As we ate, we talked. We talked about his former marriage, his job, my job, my son and we both talked about some of the goals we wanted to accomplish.
"So Leigh, let me ask you this. Do you see yourself remarrying? Would you want another child?" Jayson asked as he sat back and waited on the answer.
That was a lot. Things I hadn't really thought about in depth.
"Well, um, wow Jayson. I uh.." I stammered.
"Sorry Leigh. I didn't mean anything by it. We've just been talking and I just wondered..." he said, pausing before continuing. "I just was wondering, that's all. No pressure. I completely understand if you don't feel comfortable talking about that stuff."
"No, it just caught me off guard. But, um, to answer your first question..." I said, being cautious with how I responded. "Yes, I think I could see myself remarrying, if the person is right and the conditions are right."
"Conditions?" Jayson asked as he raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. I want someone that is coming to me grown. I already have a child, not trying to raise a man-child. I want someone who will encourage me to be my best, but not down me when I'm not. I want someone my son can look up to and see characteristics he wants to have when he too becomes a man. I want someone who will be my partner. I want someone I can grow with, and to be as valuable to them as they are to me," I said before looking away. It was the first time I talked about what I really wanted in a relationship outside of therapy. Would this scare him away, I thought.
"I feel you. So, uh, would you consider...nah never mind," said Jayson, "What about the second question?"
"Um, okay," I replied, curious as to what he was about to say. "The second question? About having another child? Well, if I don't have another child, I wouldn't be disappointed. But, if I was to have another child, I would be ecstatic. I would love to give my son a sibling. So, Jayson, what about you? Same questions."
"Ahh, knew that was coming. Yes, I definitely want to get remarried one day. I understand where you are coming from regarding a partner. I want someone who shares my same values, but isn't scared to challenge to me to think or do things differently. I want someone I can build a life with and settle down with. No games, no fuckery, just real love and respect," said Jayson.
"Wow. And about kids?" I asked.
"Definitely would love to have kids. Whether they are brought into my life, or birthed from my seed, it doesn't matter. I love kids and outside of a wife, I want nothing more than to have a child or children," he said matter-of-factly.
After a brief silence, I stood up and said "Well, um I'll take these inside" as I picked up the dishes from the table. "Would you like anything? Water? Coffee?"
"Nah, just you," said Jayson with a smile as he was again giving me a glance over.
Although we had been deep into serious discussion, I noticed as I picked up the dishes that Jayson was getting excited. I could clearly see a bulge that he was trying to hide with a napkin, but it was not working—at all.
"Me huh? We'll see about that," I said teasing him, knowing full well if he started, oh, I was going to finish it.
With a handful of dishes, I made my way back into the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. We still had some pasta leftover, so I grabbed some storage containers to put them in before adding the pots to the dishwasher as well.
