I'm not really a big believer in "having a good feeling," whatever that means, but there was something in my mind that told me Thursday was going to be an incredibly significant day in my life. I normally ignore that type of intuition because it isn't really tangible or based in, well, anything. But on this day, I felt upbeat, like maybe things were about to turn a corner and my rut would finally be broken. I had no idea what exactly that would entail, but I was always one to roll with the punches. So, off I went setting about my day.
This day was no exception. I threw on my favorite get-up - navy blue button-up, tan corduroys, belt and black dress boots - splashed on some cologne and headed out the door, stopping at my favorite bagel shop on the way for breakfast and coffee. As I rolled into the parking lot and cleared security, I checked my iPad for the day's assignments. As a facilitator, my job changes on almost a daily basis. There's no routine, no set targets or goals, other than to make things flow better for the company, and that gives me a lot of leeway as to how I operate, with whom I connect, and where I travel. I'm based out of Phoenix but travel all over the country as needed. For the winter months, though, I'm sure glad they keep me close to home. Taking home great pay and not having to deal with snow is really the way to live. The fact that I actually enjoyed what I did was really just icing on the cake.
It was a good thing that I enjoyed my job; work was the best part of my life, really. Home had become increasingly less than stellar, especially over the last couple of years. I love my wife and kids, more than just about anything, but there was something that just was not working. There was always stress, some sort of drama, or the like - and most of that ended up with me wearing it. The moments where she and I could be truly alone together were few and far between, and usually she was too stressed or tired to make that time worthwhile on any level. It was like she just wasn't into me in that way anymore, for some reason or another, and I couldn't understand why. I hadn't changed much over the years. At 6-foot-3 and 205 pounds, I had a solid build that I worked hard to maintain with a toned and strong physique. I enjoyed the same things I always had, and I did the same things that I always did. Maybe I had gotten boring, but I thought stability and routine was a good thing? I just couldn't figure it out. That frustration spilled over into many aspects of home and had me seeing escape in my work. Again, I was fortunate to do something that I enjoyed, and something that would keep me plenty occupied.
This week, my primary assignment was to make sure the new project manager was adjusting well to the new office and to assist if there was anything she needed. I hadn't met Sophia yet, but the company had dropped a lot of money to get her to Arizona, so I knew smoothing her adjustment was a top priority. I gathered whatever paraphernalia I could think of that would help - even the internal memo about the following night's Christmas party - and headed upstairs to Sophia's office to introduce myself.
As I neared the door to her office and looked through the adjacent window, I stopped dead in my tracks. There she was, standing next to her desk, almost allowing me to behold her. I'm not a guy who will go drooling over people in general, let alone my colleagues, but I had been rendered helpless and speechless. The well-done-up hair, the shortish skirt, and the top, my god the top! It perfectly hugged her figure and accentuated what looked to be a magnificent set of breasts. Project managers are usually all brains and no beauty, but damn if this one wasn't hot. Almost a perfect hourglass figure; I'd have guessed 34-26-34 or thereabouts. I couldn't help but stare. Fortunately, she was fixated on something hanging on the wall near her desk and didn't catch me drinking in the view. I quickly gathered myself and, having taken a deep breath, knocked on the door.
"It's open," she said, without turning to see who was demanding her attention. My hand slipped on the doorknob on the first try, and I silently cursed at myself as I opened the door on the second attempt.
"Sorry to disturb you, Sophia, but the bosses wanted me to check in with you and make sure everything was going smoothly in your transition to the - "
"So they send in the eye candy as my first project, is that it?" What a ball-buster, I thought to myself, before she laughed and smiled warmly in my direction. "You must be Drew. The bosses let me know you'd be headed my way as the welcome committee. So far, so good, so you're off to a good start. Let's sit down and get acquainted, hm?" she asked, but I was pretty sure she had taken the time to survey me head-to-toe before speaking.
I readily obliged and quickly took a seat. The next few minutes were a blur, almost like I was on autopilot. Hopefully by sitting down, I managed to hide my rather obvious arousal at her appearance. I told her this was a great company both to work and to play, and casually mentioned that This was like an out-of-body experience. Did I really essentially ask her as my date to the company party? It was as though I had lost control of my faculties for a few minutes and acted purely on instinct. My mind told me I needed to leave before I did something really stupid right then and there. As I stood up to head back to my desk, though, I winked and told Sophia I was looking forward to our "date" for the following night. She laughed and went back to work as I left, a bemused smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. What the hell kind of box did I just open?
I couldn't really believe how I had behaved in her office just then. It felt so natural, but that's totally not me. I'm a married man, and I was all too obviously flirting with the new woman in the office. It was wrong on just about every level. And still, she hadn't bashed my face in, figuratively or literally. I thought to apologize the next time I saw Sophia, but maybe I should just leave well enough alone. And really, there was a deep part of me that didn't feel that sorry about any of it, which was perhaps the most confusing thing. I replayed the encounter in my mind for most of the workday, feeling fortunate that there wasn't much to do that day because I wasn't going to be terribly productive as it was.
