Chapter 07 -- Resolution
When I arrived back home on Sunday, my mood was sour. All remnants of Vivian were now gone from the house. I was not at all in the mood to talk and pretty much kept to myself unless answering a question that Penny was asking me directly. The house was too quiet and lifeless for me at the moment. There were times when I wanted the house to be quiet, but on the whole I liked the energy and activity that Vivian and Penny provided. Even if they weren't doing anything that involved me, the combination of the two of them always seemed to create a buzz in the house.
With Vivian gone and the adjustments to the new weekend rules still settling in, being home now felt a little awkward. I tried desperately to ignore the awkwardness as I got ready for work on Monday morning. That week at the office was as normal as ever. It was as if Vivian's leaving had not had an impact on the vigor of business. The distraction of work kept me sane, which I appreciated. As the end of the week approached, I occupied more and more of my time wondering when the decision of whom I would spend this weekend with would be revealed to me.
On Thursday afternoon, Nikki tapped lightly on my office door. I looked away from the computer screen in front of me to see her smiling at me from the doorway. She pointed with her right hand in the direction of the conference room and turned to go. I watched as she stepped away and out of sight. I had a distinct feeling that my questions were about to be answered. I hoped that was the case as I made my way into the conference room and took a seat at the already full table. The waiting game was wearing me out.
"So, where am I going this weekend," I asked bluntly before anyone could say anything.
"Everything is not always about you," Emma chastised me.
"I know," I admitted humbly. "But this is."
"Yes, it is," Leslie confirmed with a smile.
"You will come to work with me tomorrow," Penny interjected. "Then you will be spending the weekend with Nikki."
I looked at her sideways. Nikki and Monica had a baby and enough things going on at home that they did not need me in the way. Plus, I was not 100% sure that Nikki was over what had happened between us at Leslie's house, even though we had spent a lot of hours together in the office. I wasn't sure they had thought this through.
"Are you sure that Nikki is the best choice," I asked gingerly.
Nikki snapped her head around and glared at me intently.
"You don't want to spend time with me," she attacked me.
"That's not it at all," I replied softly, though I was immediately on the defensive. "Between you, Monica and the baby, I just don't want to be in the way. You have a system and a routine at home; I don't want to interfere with that."
Nikki sat back in her chair and relaxed. She smiled at me wide and then winked. I had no idea what the hell that was about but I rolled with it. It was the most comfortable gesture she had given me since I had been back.
"I think we are all pretty confident that Nikki is the right choice for this weekend," Brooke confirmed.
That surprised me. Brooke usually stayed quiet during these meetings, unless she had something very poignant to say. It felt like this was a direct message that she was sending to me. Whether or not it was, that is how I was taking it. I smiled at Brooke and then at Nikki. I nodded my head in response and the meeting was adjourned.
I finished my day Thursday and was very quiet at home that night. Penny and I were cordial but I was distant and I knew it. I loved her and I didn't want to upset her, but adjusting to this new set of rules was taxing me. I wasn't sure how to feel at home anymore. It was clear that the balance Vivian had provided in the house was not only for the game but for me as well. I missed her and still felt responsible for her leaving. I was working through it, but I was being very hard on myself.
I grabbed my bag the next morning loaded it with stuff for the weekend. Penny smiled at me during the entire ride to the office. When we arrived, I got out the car, but Penny did not. She simply blew me a kiss and turned the car back out of the office parking lot. I made my way to my office and threw my bag on one of my guest chairs before starting my day.
The day passed quickly though the office was very quiet. It was after 5 when Nikki knocked slightly on my office door.
"Almost ready to go," she asked.
"Sure, just let me know when you are ready," I confirmed.
"Ok, I'm ready," she snapped.
I watched as she spun around and headed back to her desk. I shut down my computer and grabbed my bag. As I arrived at Nikki's desk, she was on the phone. She quickly put the receiver down and smiled at me. She shut her computer off as well and grabbed her purse. Without a word I followed her out of the office and to her car. I tossed my bag in the back and Nikki handed me the keys.
"Take me home," she instructed me.
I did as I was told and climbed behind the wheel. We drove mostly in silence, with Nikki adding directions here and there. I pulled into the driveway of the quaint, brown townhouse where she and Monica lived. I shut the car off and looked over at her. She seemed annoyed and distracted.
"I'm sorry," I said to her.
"For what," she asked simply.
"For disrupting your life this weekend," I admitted. "I will try not to be in the way of you or Monica."
"You won't be," she informed me. "Monica and Brian are staying at my parents' this weekend."
This was certainly news to me. I hated to be an inconvenience. I had totally become a disturbance to their routine and I was angry with myself for that.
"Nikki, I didn't mean for this to happen this way," I clarified.
"Of course not," she giggled. "You had nothing to do with the decision."
She opened her door and stepped out of the car. She stopped when she got to the front door and turned to see that I had not moved. She smiled and gestured with her index finger for me to come inside. I grabbed my bag and exited the car, heading up the small walkway with a heavy heart. I wished this situation were resolved already.
I followed her into the house and dropped my bag in the living room. I took a seat on couch and really tried to become invisible. Nikki excused herself and went upstairs as I flipped the television on and drifted away in my mind. I looked around the room, not having spent any time in this place since Penny turned it over to Nikki and Monica.
There were a great many pictures of the two of them and even more photos of the newest addition to their family. He was such cute, chubby little guy. I could easily see why these two women were so in love with just one man. It made me smile and feel less of a burden as I moved my eyes from picture to picture. This place suddenly felt very comfortable and loving. I knew that must be a good feeling for young Brian.
Nikki returned, now in sweat pants and a t-shirt. She was wearing her glasses as well. I had only seen her wear them once before and I knew she disliked them very much.
"My eyes were bothering me," she informed me, noticing my fixated glare at her glasses.
I smiled at her as she took a seat next to me on the couch. She instantly grabbed the remote and found something that she wanted to watch. She looked at me cautiously and then laid her head in my lap. Nikki looked up at me and I saw calm in her eyes.
"I did miss you while you were gone," she admitted.
"I missed you too," I replied.
"I have to ask you something serious," she prepared me.
"Go ahead," I urged her.
"When we were at Leslie's and I was being so very hard on you, you said something" she recapped.
"Nik, I said a lot of things that night," I acknowledged. "Any you had every right to be hard on me."
"Not that hard," she disagreed. "I was hurt and angry and very scared you would leave again. I still am. But I have to ask you about something else. You said you were not doing this without me. I have not been able to forget those words. Would you have stopped playing this game if I had checked out instead of Vivian?"
I sat there silent, digesting her question and trying to find the truth within myself. I looked down at her and began to hurt inside. I needed to find the words to express the truth inside without insulting anyone in this game, but most of all I needed to be honest with Nikki.
"If I answer that, you have to promise to never repeat it to anyone else," I requested. "This will have to stay between you and me. Agreed?"
"I promise I will not say a word to anyone," she agreed quickly.
"The truth is, that I would not or could not have played this game without you," I explained. "If you had checked out then it would have been game over. Coming back was tough but I was not going forward without you. In my mind and my heart, there are certain players I would go on without and certain players that I refuse to do this without. I won't name names because I don't want anyone else to feel slighted, but honestly, without you, I would have been done."
"Thank you for being honest," Nikki said to me.
"That night at Leslie's you said I need each of you women for different things," I reminded her. "That is very true. I need you for your passion and fire. You are a great barometer of right and wrong. Plus, I love being your friend outside of the game. You are a great woman Nicholette Barns. That fact has never changed for me."
Tears ran down Nikki's cheeks as she smiled up at me. I knew we were back to good.
The rest of the evening was uneventful as we watched television and joked around until Nikki went up to bed around midnight. I slept on the couch out of respect. When morning came, I was relieved. Nikki came downstairs pretty early and I could hear her messing around in the kitchen. I got up off of the couch and made my way into the kitchen to find her with her robe on and bright smile on her face. She had made a pot of coffee which was well needed. I had a cup and then went and took a shower. When I returned, we watched a movie and shared a lot of talk about young Brian and how he had changed Nikki's world so much for the better.
Sometime around noon, Nikki excused herself so she could finally get dressed for the day. I sat there, taking in more of the house and how much it felt like a home. I was looking at the picture on the wall of Penny holding Brian in the hospital shortly after he was born. She looked like a natural. My mind was off to the races until my train of thought was broken.
"Can you come and help me," Nikki called to me from upstairs.