Chapter 06 -- Hearts in Armor
Sunday morning came very quickly. My eyes popped open sometime after 11am to the same eerie quiet I had gone to sleep to. I got out of bed and sort of crept my way downstairs. Penny was seated at the table in the dining area, drinking coffee and reading the paper quietly. She looked up and noticed me, then went back to reading without a word. She looked so cute just being herself that it made me very happy to be home.
I moved past her and into the kitchen in continued silence. I poured a cup of coffee for myself and stood in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room, staring at her intently. Finally, after several long, awkward moments, Penny could not take anymore of the unbridled attention.
"Can I help you with something," she asked sharply without looking up from the paper.
"I missed you," I responded.
"I know," she said as she sipped her coffee again, this time looking up and grinning at me.
"Where's Vivian," I asked.
"At Emma's, I think," Penny surmised. "It's messy. She never came home from Leslie's. I am not sure what's going to happen."
"I am very sorry," I expressed.
"For what," Penny asked me directly.
"For not being able to be everything Vivian needed," I disclosed. "For causing her pain enough to make her want to leave the game. I did not want that and I deeply regret not being man enough to see it and fix it before it came to this."
"Are you retarted," Penny asked me harshly. "She left because I was being a sneaky bitch and she caught me. I hurt her and I drove her out. Me."
"I think you are being too hard on yourself," I offered.
"OH NO," she disagreed vehemently. "WE ALL were too hard on you. What a bunch of crabby bitches taking it all out on you because we were all too proud to go get you or to admit that we missed you so terribly. We could have consoled each other, but instead we drifted apart and we blamed you. Well fuck that. I am not gonna let any of them be hard on my man, anymore. I promise you that."
"PENELOPE," I snapped at her.
She stared at me in momentary fear which gave way to concern. She looked at me with her gorgeous brown eyes and I melted.
"I love you," I said very softly.
She exhaled a very deep breath.
"Please don't ever repeat that to any of the other women," I requested. "Even if you believe it. Let them hammer me when they need to. I did this. Period."
"That's wrong," she said in a low, soft voice. "You went home to take care of your family. You were needed and we were wrong to be that hard on you. You have been back less than two weeks and you have already started to reunite us when we were so lost without you. Don't you see that?"
"I see that Brooke was woman enough to come get me to account for my misdeeds," I countered. "I see a man that made a mess and hid from it because it was easier. Now that man needs to own up to each piece of making it right. That's what I see."
"She went to get you because she saw what being without you was doing to me," Penny countered. "The only one that gave you a pass was Mindy. We all should have given you a pass, but we were so distant from each other while you were away. They have no right to blame you for their own undoing."
"If they need to be angry with me or punish me to reunite with each other than I am ok with that," I conceded. "It's for the greater good."
"I love you," she gasped. "I refuse to let them hold this over you. I will not allow it."
"Ok," I conceded. "Let's leave this here. This conversation has to stop. We aren't getting anywhere and I would rather spend quality time with you than to argue."
"Agreed," she stated simply.
I spent most of the days running around the house. I wasted the hours, never getting to far from Penny for too long. I just wanted to be near her. Even if we weren't touching, I could feel things from her. It was almost perfectly peaceful, just being there. Seeing her smile inspired me. I wanted to be a better man for her. I certainly did not want to fail her the way I felt that I had failed Vivian.
My eyes again sprang open on Monday morning. I was very happy to get back to a routine. I showered, dressed and got to the office before anyone else. I was excited to be back. I was also quite happy that the security code had not been changed. I made my way to my office and it was as if I had never left. I started my day, as I had many times, with sunlight spilling through the blinds and onto my desk. It was wonderful to be back here.
I settled in and went through some paperwork on my desk. I tried to outline what had gone on while I was away and what state the firm was in. Things seemed to be going rather well and I was pleased with a lot of the things I found. The ladies arrived at the office one at a time and each sort of waived or yelled to me. It was very normal and comfortable.
When Nikki arrived and she was settled in, we spent close to two hours together going over the office affairs that were currently open and a list of items I needed to meet with Emma or Leslie about. I was making an immediate contribution and I felt like part of this great team again. The day was flying by until just after 2pm when I was sitting at my desk and Nikki appeared in my doorway once again.
"We have a meeting in the conference room," she informed me.
"Great," I announced as I jumped out of my chair to follow her.
I was rather surprised when I walked into the conference room and everyone was there, including Mindy and Vivian. This was a game meeting, not a business meeting. Nikki and I sat down at the table with everyone else. I waited for it to begin.
"On Saturday night, I made a statement," Penny said, as she stood from her chair and began to pace behind it. "I said that anyone who voted 'no' would have the option to withdraw from the game without penalty. With that in mind, I want to let you all know that Vivian has withdrawn from the game."
My heart sank in my chest as I heard those words. I could not look at her. I was sick to my stomach as Penny continued.
"She is leaving us with dignity and grace," Penny added. "This is her own choice and we all wish her well, I'm sure. She has been a friend and much more to each of us at one time or another. She has played this game with elegance and class. On behalf of each of us, Vivian, we thank you and wish you the best."
Penny moved back around to her chair and sat down. This felt like a retirement ceremony but it was not that at all. Vivian rose from her chair and stood as still as a statue. She looked at me and then away.
"I want to thank all of you," she began. "This has been a very interesting experience and I have grown from it. I will cherish all of our times together and I don't blame anyone for anything. It's just my time to move on. I will keep you all with me wherever I go."
She sat back down and glanced around the table from person to person. The knot in my stomach reached an unbearable size as no one else said a word. I stood up, looked around the table and then walked out of the conference room. I went into my office and shut the door. I sat in my chair and stared out the window with my back to the closed door, knowing at some point it would open.
It didn't take long for that to happen. I heard the door open behind me and then close again. I knew whoever had entered was standing there, but I was not about to turn around, I was still too conflicted. I waited to be addressed.
"Are you angry with me," Vivian asked me.
"No, I'm not," I confirmed. "I'm angry with me."
"Why," she asked gently.
"If I had not gone home, things might not have come to this," I suggested, still refusing to face her.
"First of all, you had to go home," she reinforced. "You did the right thing for your family. Don't let the rest of these women make you feel bad about that. They are proud and stubborn, but that doesn't allow them to beat up on you for their mistakes. They could have stayed strong while you were gone, but they didn't. They drifted amongst themselves. That's not your doing. So stop letting them bully you."
"Thank you," I accepted. "So, will I see you at home?"
"No, you won't," she informed me. "Even if you had not gone back east, it would have still come to this. I love you and you don't feel the same way. That's not your fault and you have always treated me with respect. Seeing you at home, in love with Penny everyday is something I can no longer handle. So I am moving out. Someone will be over to get my things later in the week."
I turned my chair around to face her. She looked at me intently, wondering what I would do next, I supposed. I stood up and walked to where she was standing next to my desk. I extended my right hand slowly towards her.
"Can we at least part considering ourselves friends," I asked.
Vivian put her hand on my face and looked into my eyes. She leaned up and kissed me gently.
"Good luck with this game and these girls," she said as she pulled away. "You already know that you need it."