Is there anything more depressing than a funeral Mark thought, but he never imagined he'd be at his mother's funeral for a long time to come.
She had died suddenly, and unexpectedly, and the entire family were in stunned silence for the days leading up to the funeral. People came and went from the house, offering the usual condolences, then some distant relatives turned up, and one of them was an 18 year old girl named Sally, and while everyone was sitting around, saying very little, Mark went through to the kitchen to pour another vodka.
Sally followed him in,
"Do you really need that?" she asked.
"Actually yes, it's all that's keeping me upright at the moment." he replied.
"I'm sorry about your Mum." she said.
"Thank you." and he tried to smile at her.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"Actually I'm bloody starving but no one else wants to eat."
"Let me knock you up something." as she moved to the fridge.
Mark told her she probably shouldn't, as he didn't want to cause any upset with his siblings. He had always been the 'black sheep' of the family, and usually didn't need to try for his siblings to find faults with his life.
"You want a drink Sally?" he asked.
"Okay, I'll have one." she replied.
"Coke with it?" he asked, and she nodded.
He went to pass her the glass and suddenly realized how good she looked. Curly blonde hair, petit body and nice looking legs under her short skirt. He must have been obvious, as she took the glass, saying;
"Down boy, I know that look.!"
"Well I'm not dead yet Sally." he said.
"No but you're emotional right now." she told him.
He laughed,
"I'm always emotional when I'm with a girl!"
He felt the mood lighten a little, at least in the kitchen, and he took a tea-towel and flicked it at Sally's bum.
"Stop it, stop it you'll upset people!" she said.
She tried to get the towel from him, and as they fought over it, they couldn't help but laugh, and then Mark put his arms around her from behind, holding her so she couldn't take the towel.
"You going to stop?" he asked.
"No, of course not." she laughed.
They continued messing around until the door opened and his elder sister said,
"For God's sake will you show some respect; I might have known you'd even spoil this!"
She closed the door and Sally looked worried.
"Fuck her, she's an uptight bitch and always has been." he said.
"She has a point doesn't she?" said Sally.
"Spoil this she said, how can you spoil a bereavement?"
"I mean you can spoil a party, a wedding, but come on!" he continued.
"Let's have another drink and sit down."
"You'll be drunk!" she told him.
"Kiss me Sally, I've been admiring you since you came in." he said
"No, you've been ogling me you mean!" she laughed.
"Yeah, maybe that too, but you are cute!" he replied.
"I wouldn't want to take advantage of you when you're emotionally vulnerable." she told him.
"Didn't you know, I'm always emotionally vulnerable!" he laughed.
Oh yes, she had heard all about him, the family trouble maker, the black sheep, the womanizer, the drinker, she'd heard more stories than she cared to remember about Mark.
She couldn't help but like him though, even though she knew he'd be trouble. She looked him in the eyes, then found her lips seeking out his. They kissed, and Mark began running his hands over her, feeling those thighs that he'd been 'ogling' as she'd put it. He started unbuttoning her blouse, and slipped a hand over her breast as they kissed passionately.
"Stop!" she said.
"Slow down, we can't carry on here.!
"Don't worry Sally, I've already pissed them of so they won't come through again." he told her.
They resumed kissing and Mark found the zipper on her skirt, pulled it open and let her skirt drop to the floor.
"Jesus, we can't do this here!" Sally protested.
Suddenly, as if to prove him wrong, two sisters appeared at the kitchen door.
"I might have fucking guessed, you'd be screwing someone in the church if you could!"
Sally struggled to pull up her skirt, and Mark had left her bra unclipped, and her breasts exposed.
"I'm sorry." she said to them.
"If it hadn't been you, it'd have been someone else Sally." said one sister.
"Lucky the Reverend isn't female or he'd seduce her during the service!" said the other.
"You see what I mean Sally?" said Mark.
Sally left the kitchen as she straightened out her clothes, and Mark poured himself another drink. Then the sisters left and he was alone again, and feeling depressed.
His Mum had secretly admired his lifestyle, 'like a rock star without the fame and fortune' she would joke, though she'd wished he would settle down with some nice girl, and stop his wicked ways.
Sally came back through.
"We're leaving soon, thought I should say goodbye." she smiled at him.
"You could stay, I have my own flat." he said.
"Don't tempt me, please." she said.
Tell them you're staying to help until the funeral, it wouldn't be a lie." he said.
"No, I better go back, but I'll see you on Tuesday for the funeral." she told him.
She kissed him on the cheek, smiled, and she left.
Tuesday arrived, and it was 7am when Mark poured his first vodka. The funeral was at 11am, and it was a cold frosty morning, and he was dreading it. He'd only been to one funeral before and found it an awful experience, but this time he had a bit of a role to play, holding a cord as the coffin was lowered down.
By 10am he'd had half a bottle of vodka and was still as sober as he'd ever been. Didn't stagger, didn't stumble, didn't slur his speech. No one would have known he'd had a drink at all.