When I got back to my apartment Alex was sitting on my couch in my bathrobe, her dark hair wet, drinking Merlot.
"Didn't expect to see you here," I said, slowly.
"I wasn't sure I'd see you here, either. I just needed to get away from an admirer I couldn't shake, and I was too close to being drunk to drive to my place. You don't mind?"
"No problem." I sank down on the couch and put my head in her lap. She began to stroke my hair.
"So how did you make out with the blonde? Did you ever place her?"
"She finally remembered. We're second cousins."
"And when did you figure this out?" she asked, laughing before I could even open my mouth. "Too late, from the looks of you. So I guess that's a dead end?"
"I'm thinking it over," I mused. "Straight girls are so hard to find in this neighborhood."
Alex cuffed me on the ear lightly. I sat up. "What?" I asked in a mock-indignant tone.
"You're the one sleeping with your relatives. I wouldn't talk about kinks."
"I didn't know at the time. And I didn't stay to sleep with her."
"Yeah, what's up with that?" she asked, smiling and putting her hand on my cheek.
"She said she had to get up early. I did say I'd call her. I think we're good."
"Men," she said, putting her arms around me from the side and sucking on my earlobe. "Well, how was sex with your cousin?"
"Second cousin. Mmmm, better stop that unless you want to be a straight girl tonight," I said. She kept doing it. "Well, we were on the couch and one thing led to another..."
"That's how these stories always start," she said, undoing a couple of buttons on my shirt and rubbing my chest. "Proceed."
"Before I knew it I had her dress half off and I'd lost my shirt," I said. "I sucked on her nipples awhile and we ended up in bed."
"Funny how that happens. Good start, though. Closest way to a girl's heart is through her nipples, I always say."
"Especially the left one. Anyway, we got naked and got into bed and we started feeling each other up. She had a completely smooth pussy. She must have it waxed."
"Turn around," Alex interrupted. We rearranged ourselves so that I was sitting sideways on the couch and she was backed up to me. I could just see one nipple and half of another of her gorgeous breasts. She took my hand and pulled it between her legs. The robe gaped open.
"Hello. When did you have that done?"
"Last week. It's been more than a month since you've seen it, you know. Anyway, you were rubbing her bare pussy."
"She was playing with my balls and I didn't want to just come right away, so I went down south."
"That's the second expression you've used tonight I don't really care for, but keep going. Oh, keep going with that, too," she moaned.
I stopped. "What was the other one?"
"'Feeling up.' I first heard it as a little girl, watching a George Carlin routine. I didn't know what it meant. It always makes me think of George Carlin. Oh, keep going, you bastard," she growled, bucking against my hand.