The Friends List

This is the final chapter of

The Friends List,

for real this time

.

Thank you to RawSilhouette, Alys21 and Ravenna933 for acting as beta readers.

It was New Year's Day 2011, a Saturday, and the day started late for me after sleeping in. I woke up mid-morning with a headache that the incoming brilliant winter sunlight wasn't helping at all. I glanced over at Natalie Chen, lying nude in my bed, who smiled sleepily at me when I made eye contact.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Happy New Year," she whispered.

"Happy New Year to you, too," I whispered back. "Have you been up long?"

"Not really. A few minutes, maybe. I was enjoying the feeling of not waking up alone for the first time in a while."

I pulled her tighter, savouring the feel of her warm body beside me as we lay wordlessly together for several minutes. Samantha had never once slept over during the entire four months we'd been hooking up, which meant that for me, it had been since Monique on Labour Day that I'd had the pleasure of waking up beside a nude woman. I'd missed it. I could feel Natalie's soft breast pressing into my side, and before long I could feel the morning wood coming on.

"Are you up for another go before we start the year off?" I asked, letting my hand drift gently over her naked breast and heading south.

"Mmmmm," Natalie cooed. "Part of me wants to. But I said last night it was a one-time thing, if that's okay with you?"

I had been letting my hand continue to slide down her body as she spoke, and I discovered abundant wetness between her legs just as she finished the sentence.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I respect no, but your body feels like it's saying yes." I gently parted her inner lips, coating my fingertip with her moisture.

Natalie swatted my hand away playfully. "I'm not saying it's an easy no, but it's a no. I don't want this to be any more than a one-time thing with you. I don't have any experience with casual sex, and I don't know how my heart is going to process this when I fully wake up. This absolutely can't turn into anything more for me than a much, much-needed drunken hookup. So it's a reluctant no, but a no nonetheless."

"Okay. I understand." I withdrew my hand and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "But last night was incredible."

She smiled broadly. "It was incredible for me, too."

I heard movement through the wall just then. My stepsister Vanessa was up. Natalie and I exchanged a look with each other.

"Do you think we're in trouble?" I asked.

"I'm girl number five, Peter," she teased. "Vanessa won't have any friends left if she hates all of us for sleeping with you."

I must have looked a little nervous, because she touched my face softly. "I'm joking. I think she'll be fine."

I heard a male voice, Adam obviously, saying goodbye, then heading down the stairs. A few moments later, there was a knock at the door.

"You two decent in there?" Vanessa asked politely.

I checked to make sure the blanket was fully pulled up. "Decent enough. Come on in."

Vanessa opened the door. She was wearing a white camisole and red lace panties and nothing else. The shape of her body was easily discernible under her clothes, and I could see the dark outlines of her nipples through the thin fabric.

Well, that's a surprise.

Vanessa traditionally covered up around the house whenever I was around. She sat down at the foot of the bed.

"You guys are naked under there, huh?"

Natalie and I looked at each other, then nodded.

"We heard you last night. I think the entire neighbourhood did."

"You're one to talk," Natalie said defensively.

"Chill. I came in to tell you it's fine."

"We're okay?"

"Well, I'm not thrilled that you've joined the 'fucked my stepbrother' club, Natalie. But I've been telling you that you needed a rebound. I don't want any details, but was he as good as everyone else says?"

Natalie blushed and nodded.

"Then good for you. I'm not mad."

"I only had a rebound on my mind because of how much you've been pestering me about it, so you're kind of responsible for this anyway," Natalie said, still seeming defensive.

Vanessa shrugged. "It is what it is."

"Are

we

okay?" I asked.

Vanessa smiled. "Yeah. We are. We're the same, you and me. We're both sluts. It's stupid as hell that's what it took to finally make me understand you, but it is. We have some common ground."

I looked at her oddly. "Okay..."

"You don't get it, do you?"

I shook my head. "I'm thrilled we're okay, but I don't fully understand why."

"Natalie, can you give us a minute?"

Natalie sat up, holding the covers up to her chest. "Is anyone else in the house right now?"

Vanessa shook her head. "Dad and Diane aren't back yet, and Adam's gone home. I didn't hear Kirsten and Paul leave this morning, but her car is gone from the driveway, so they must be."

"Okay. I'm going to go have a shower." Natalie dropped the covers, nonchalant about her nudity in front of close friends, and headed for the bathroom.

"Towels are in the linen closet!" I called after her cute butt as she left the room.

I sat up and readjusted my position in the bed, making sure I was still covered by my blankets from the waist up. Vanessa sat cross-legged near my feet. I instinctively glanced between her legs before catching myself.

"You know how I said on the drive up to the cottage last summer that you never wanted anything to do with me?" she opened.

I nodded.

"I took that so hard for so long, but I never realized that I was also keeping you distant. You weren't trying to break through that barrier, and I wanted you to want to get close to me, to fight through the wall I had up, to notice me. You never even tried, and that always bothered me, but that doesn't mean I wasn't still walled off.

"I definitely never accepted you as a person or as my stepbrother, but at least that wasn't true in reverse. You just never gave me the time of day. You were living your own life and didn't have room in it for a kid sister. What it was, deep down, is that I never accepted myself. I think that I projected that onto you for years."

I thought about this for a moment. I'd never thought about it like that, but she was right. I'd never been rude or condescending or angry to Vanessa or any of her friends. I mostly just had pretended they didn't exist. If Vanessa had a wall up around me, and I could easily see looking back that she always had, I'd dealt with it by ignoring her.

"I can see that," I finally agreed.

"And I think now, I finally have. Accepted myself, I mean. Maybe some of that is just growing up. I'm not a teenager anymore. I feel comfortable in my life and my own skin, and in my house and my family. I'm here in my underwear in your room because I trust you and I want to feel comfortable in my own house. I let myself be overheard last night because I'm finally comfortable being me, the real me, around you. If it made you uncomfortable hearing me getting it on, then I trust you'd let me know, and it wouldn't have to happen again. I can be respectful of you, just as I am of Dad and Diane not wanting to overhear me. If it made you and Natalie horny enough to fuck each other, then please don't ever tell me that." She laughed.

"It didn't make me uncomfortable hearing you," I promised her. "You're not a blood relative, and you don't feel like one, and you can be yourself around me, in whatever way that means to you. And it didn't make Natalie and I hook up, either, so don't flatter yourself. I think that was going to happen regardless. She was acting like a woman who was trying to score last night, and she kissed me first."

"I know she was. As for you..." she trailed off, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry again that I hit you last fall. Deep down, I don't care what you've done with my friends, as long as you've left them in better places than they were when you started. I'm thrilled for Natalie that she's had a good rebound, because she needed one. Do I love that it was you? No, of course not. But what's done is done.

"Because of you, Kirsten has a boyfriend and is happier and more relaxed, Samantha has a boyfriend and has gotten over both her bullshit high school reputation and her anger at men, and Monique has moved past what was holding her back and is finally exploring her desire for men. I don't know how this is going to work out for Natalie, but I suspect it'll only be positive for her, too. And you also slept with Laura."

I lowered my eyes. "I wish I hadn't," I mumbled sheepishly.

"I know." Vanessa smiled at me again. "You've been most of my friends' knight in shining armour, but you've been indirectly good for me, too. Once I got over being angry and feeling like you betrayed me, I realized you were living your life exactly how I wanted to live mine, but didn't think I was worthy of. You've slept around ethically. I've been trying to do the same lately. I don't wake up the morning after a random hookup hating myself anymore. I'm a better version of me now. So, thank you for setting the example. It's better late than never, but you've finally given me a reason to look up to you. And I do. I want you to know that."

"I love you, sis," I blurted out.

Vanessa looked surprised. "Yeah. I... I guess I do, don't I? I love you too. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad you're my stepbrother."

"I'm glad you're my stepsister."

"Will it be weird for you if I gave you a hug right now? Given what I'm wearing, and what you're... not."

"Come here." I opened my arms.

Vanessa crawled down the bed and climbed into my arms, embracing me while laying on top of the covers. I stayed covered up, holding her tight for a few moments before she pulled back. I was really grateful the morning wood from earlier had died down.

"When do you go back to Kingston?" she asked, finally sitting back up.

"I leave tomorrow morning. Classes resume in a couple of days."

She nodded. "It's a lot easier to have a relationship with you when we don't have to see each other every day, but I'm glad we're okay."

"I am, too."

"And I'm also glad I don't have any single friends left," she added.

"If Michelle ever breaks up with Jason, will you let me know?" I asked sweetly.

"No! Fuck off!" She laughed, shoved me back into the bed, and headed for the door. "Once you're dressed, will you help me clean up downstairs? There's not much to do, mostly just cleaning up empty beer bottles and pizza boxes and vacuuming. I'm hoping to have the house in order before Dad and Diane get home."

"Of course. I'll have my shower as soon as Natalie's done, then I'll help you out."

"Sounds good. This is the weirdest way two people have ever gotten close to each other, and I'm okay with it, just... if you keep seeing any of my friends, in any context, all I ask of you is that you keep being a positive influence in their lives. Don't hurt anyone, and I'll be fine with whatever you and they wind up doing. I don't care who you sleep with, as long as you keep doing it ethically and respectfully."

"I'll do my best."

"Thank you. Oh, and Peter?"

"Yes?"

She batted her eyelids at me. "If I ever get the chance to fuck your roommate Tom, I'm going to do it. He's cute, in a K-Pop idol kind of way. And it's the least I can do as revenge for the past eight months."

"Knock yourself out. Hell, I'll play wingman for you. I can tell him you said that."

"Please don't. I don't need the help. You're not the only one in this household with game." She blew me a kiss and headed for the door.

After we'd showered, Vanessa, Natalie and I cleaned up the house together, then we gave Natalie a ride home before heading into town and having brunch. I kissed her goodbye knowing I'd likely never get the chance to do it again, and I was more than okay with that. Getting to have her even once was more than I'd ever expected, and it felt good to have had a rebound to help deal with Sam having a boyfriend.

I'd never hung out with just Vanessa before, but we had a great conversation about nothing important over a hangover brunch platter at Angel's Diner. For the first time ever, I found I really liked her, and I could tell she liked me too. I was leaving Guelph for one more semester with all my affairs back home in order for the first time in a long time, maybe ever.

So that left three things on my mind as I boarded the train back to school the next day. The first was the upcoming LSAT exam during Reading Week for my law school admission. I knew I'd have to brush up on the material again, but I was confident that I'd do reasonably well. I'd kept myself sharp doing practice exams over the past semester, and I knew my projected grade would get me in anywhere in the country I wanted to go. I'd also have to start applying to law schools - I was thinking McGill, Toronto, UBC, and staying at Queen's were good bets for applications, with Toronto as a first choice. But I had to start putting my applications together.

The second thing was my upcoming academic semester, but again, I wasn't worried. I'd gotten good grades all through school and my hardest Econ coursework was behind me. It should be a fairly straightforward blast through to graduation, if all went well.

The third thing was Samantha, and it had me stumped. I knew she was back in Canada, but all of a sudden it felt weird thinking about texting her. Our friendship hadn't only been based on sex - we'd had lunch together on campus at least once a week, went to movies and Kingston Frontenacs hockey games together, talked almost daily - but now I didn't know what the new rules were, or how things would inevitably change between us. I wanted to text her the way I used to, but I didn't. I missed her. I wanted her. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her and then take her back to the house and eat her pussy until she was a delirious, quivering heap. But she had a boyfriend now.

The honourable thing would be to leave her to her new relationship and move on, and part of me wanted to. I cared enough about her to want to see her happy, first and foremost. But Kirsten's encouragement at the jam session at least made me want to see if the new relationship was for real. I didn't know how I would find out.

My initial thought had been to see if Monique could work some more of her magic, but Kirsten's warnings were still ringing in my ears. After getting over the surprise that Kirsten didn't trust Monique, I had decided that I for one still trusted her, and I didn't think her manipulative nature was anything to worry too strongly about. We were friends, and that was that. I was pretty sure that I knew what was behind Monique's deep-rooted issues better than Kirsten did, and I didn't think she was the type of person to suddenly turn on a friend.

But Kirsten knew Sam better than anyone, and even I knew how much Sam hated feeling like she was being pressured or directed into doing anything. I had to win her over by myself, or not at all. But after obsessively thinking about it for the entire train ride, I was still stumped walking in the door to the little house in Kingston I shared with three other guys.

That night, I was laying in bed when I got a text from Monique.

Hey, Peter. Sorry it took me so long. I promised to report back what I found out about Sam.

I saw the 'typing' icon appear, so I held off on responding. I didn't want to try and use any of Monique's techniques to try to win Sam over, but I'd listen to whatever she had to say. The response finally came in:

Unfortunately, I don't really have anything to tell you. Sam's been surprisingly closed-mouth about this. She's said she has a boyfriend and his basic details, all stuff I already heard from you. She hasn't said a word of girl talk about him, and hasn't responded to any of us asking her for details. She's always been one of the more private of the group, but even for her this is a little out of character. I've got nothing for you. I'm sorry.

Thanks anyway

, I responded.

You know how much I appreciate all the groundwork you laid for me this summer, but I'm going to have to do this one on my own, or not at all.

You're welcome

, she texted.

If I hear anything else that might help you, I'll let you know, but I really don't think you should hold out much hope. I doubt we'll learn anything new until we meet him, and that probably won't be for another six weeks at the earliest if they come home for Reading Week. Otherwise it'll be May.

You're the best,

I answered.

How are things going with you?

They're good

, she answered.

I've started casually seeing a guy. I wouldn't call him a boyfriend, because it's no more serious than any of the girls you've met that I was banging, but it feels really good to finally let myself start exploring my heterosexual side.

I smiled to myself as I typed back

I'm proud of you.

Even though she'd promised that she wouldn't, I'd still had a small amount of fear that sleeping with me after crushing on me for so long would cause her pain or hurt. The fact that she'd moved on made me feel good about my decisions.

I'm proud of myself. It's been fun so far. I promise I will keep in touch more this coming semester,

she replied with a little red heart.

The next day, I finally decided to text Samantha. I needed to make the first move, and at least find out where we stood now. She responded right away - she'd gotten into Kingston earlier today and was back in her dorm, and within a few minutes she'd invited me to come down to University Centre for dinner with her in the cafeteria. At least nothing had changed in that sense. I threw my jacket and boots on and headed down to campus.

I found her in the corner of the cafeteria we usually sat in, dressed down in a baggy hoodie and leggings. I still loved how she looked. I knew she deliberately tried to look sexless when she didn't want to attract unwanted male attention, but her beauty was impossible to conceal even beneath messy hair and frumpy clothes. I also noticed her fair skin sporting a mid-winter tan.

I gave her a hug when I saw her, then sat down at her table.

"How were the Maldives?"

"Incredible. The water there was so warm, and so blue! And the sunshine, oh my goodness..."

I let Sam tell me about her vacation for a few minutes. It was nice just seeing her and hearing her voice again. I updated her on how my Christmas break had gone and told her the latest from her friend group and my family. Maybe things would be okay after all.

As we neared the end of our dinner, she started seeming a little bit nervous, like something was on her mind. I'd known her for long enough now to be able to read her moods, and I could tell something was up.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked her during a break in conversation.

"Yeah. I just..." she trailed off, picking at what was left of her dinner. I stayed silent, waiting.

"I heard you and Natalie hooked up?" she finally asked.

"Oh, yeah, on New Year's Eve," I said matter-of-factly. "It was fun."

Samantha's face fell. "Oh. Are things okay with Vanessa? Does she know?"

"Oh, we're great. She wasn't mad about it. We're better than we've ever been, actually. I think we've finally figured out how to relate to each other as adults. Vanessa had been pushing Natalie for a rebound, and she really didn't seem to be all too bothered that it was me."

Samantha nodded. "I guess that's good. But... Natalie?"

"Yes?

"Why Natalie, of all the girls out there? She's so innocent!"

"She really isn't," I insisted, briefly remembering her demanding that I face-fuck her.

Sam stared at me, unblinking. "Whatever that look on your face means, I don't want to know," she finally said. "Even if everyone was consenting, I still can't believe you slept with her."