The First Rule of the Worplace

I try to be polite to telemarketers. I spent a year working as one and trust me, you feel like just as much the asshole as the guy on the other end of the line thinks you are. I actually had it worse: I worked for a company that sold fake hair. My job was to call bald men and try to sell them their own sex lives. I've also worked in construction and believe me when I tell you that you need a shower even more after coming home from an evening of telemarketing than you do after a day demolishing old construction.

As you can imagine I took very few positive things with me from that job. I left the office every night feeling pretty skanky. Luckily I had met some cool people. One of which was my friend Ross. Ross was another writer and we'd both grown up in pretty tough neighborhoods so we wrote from similar experiences. After work Ross and I would grab a forty and talk words on the corner. As one of my few daily pleasantries I'm sure you can imagine how much it sucked one day when Ross called in sick.

I was standing by the elevator bitching under my breath when Laurie came over. Laurie was new in the office; she had started less than a week ago. She had the perfect voice for selling things to men: low and slightly raspy. She used to crack us up by putting on her very best phone sex voice when a wife answered (doubly funny because we weren't allowed to say where we were calling from). We would sit around and laugh thinking about how much shit the poor bald guy would be in when he got home and his wife asked him whom 'Laurie' was. Her voice made men horny, period, and it was worse when you saw the face it emanated from. She had huge brown eyes over a button nose, which itself sat about a half inch north of the most tempting, pouting lips I've ever seen before or since. All this was framed by mildly wavy chin length auburn hair. She had the kind of face you thought about on the train home.

"Hey horse, why they long face?" The voice made me spin around. The sultry waves of it hit me like a bat to the back of the knees.

"Ahh, no Ross tonight. We usually get a beer and shoot the shit after work to blow off some steam." I was really down about that; it was probably the best part of my night.

"If it's gonna get you down that bad, I'll get a beer with you." As tempting as a cozy booth in a near by bar with her sounded, I was really in the mood for something a little more ghetto. I am an incurable creature of habit.

"I don't know if you really want to do that. We usually just get a couple of forties in a bodega and chill on the corner."

"That's cool. What's the matter, don't think I can hang like that?" she replied with a slightly crooked grin and a blinding glimmer in her eyes. The voice and the look on her face erased any convictions I might have had about not finding one of the guys to carouse with in our ghetto fabulous fashion.

"Okay, if you really think you can handle it," I teased as the elevator arrived. We got in and headed for the street where our libations awaited.

Ten minutes later we were walking out of a tiny grocery store on the corner of 6th and Houston. I had cracked the cap on my forty-ounce bottle of Bud and pulled out my lighter to open her oversized Heineken. We walked down Houston to a side street and headed up Sullivan towards 14th Street where the trains were. Along the way we drank and talked about why we were both working as dirty, dirty telemarketers. I was trying to pay off some of the debts I amassed while I foolishly thought I could get through college on a hockey scholarship and a couple of credit cards. She was trying to help out her mom with some of the cost of her earning her degree. I almost dropped my beer when she told me she was a dancer. "Uh oh, I kind of have a history with dancers,"

"Oh yeah?" she looked up at me as I stopped in my tracks for comical dramatic effect. "And what kind of history would that be?"

"Well, I tend to involve myself with them and they tend to be completely fucked in the head."

"Then why involve yourself if we're all so fucked in the head?" she asked, hands on hips waiting for my smart-ass reply. I simply smiled into the mouth of my beer bottle as I took a swig and continued walking.

We were having a good time and took our time walking to the subway. By the time we got there our beers were distant memories. After saying goodnight she informed me that she lived on 30th Street. "I figure since you've already walked me halfway home, we might as well get another beer and go all the way."

"Really? But this is only the first time we've hung out." Don't blame me; I doubt anyone could resist a straight line like that.

"Very funny, Abbot," was her retort. We quickly found another bodega and were on our way further northeast.

After another 45 minutes or so of walking and drinking and talking we were on her corner, directly across from a bar. She suggested we go in and continue our conversation, "but I really have to pee. Come on up with me, you can drop your stuff off so you don't have to worry about it in the bar." I dropped my stuff off and looked around her converted three bedroom while she went to the bathroom knowing that whatever happened I'd be back up here before going home.

One of the most wonderful things in the world, and arguably the best part about legitimate flirting, is sexual tension. We soon found ourselves once again talking over beers, this time at a cozy table by the window over pints instead of on the cold street over exaggerated bottles of beer. Before long our feet were intertwined at the ankles. The hair on my arms stood up as her fingernails brushed over the backs of my hands. We leaned in closer and closer as the conversation both progressed and degraded into silliness. In the blink of an eye it was closing time and the decision was made to get a few six packs and continue in her apartment.

It was official. We were drunk. We sat on her bed laughing and trying to keep it down. We were flailing about as we told jokes that were probably only funny to us. It was mid-flail when my hand flew up and caught her in the eye. It couldn't have hurt that bad because she was still laughing. "Oh my God, I'm sorry," fell out of my drunken mouth. I leaned forward and grabbed her head. I pulled her hand from her face to look at her eye. She looked up and our eyes met briefly before her lips flew to mine. Before I had a chance to know what was happening we were kissing. We went at it like crazed monkeys. The kisses were loud and sloppy, mouths moved from face to neck to shoulder and back without rhyme or reason. My hand kneaded her breasts through her shirt, her hand dug into my crotch. We came to our senses when the light of dawn hit us. We pulled apart breathless and realized for the first time exactly how drunk we were.

"I guess it's pretty late, or early, whichever," she said. We both knew that being drunk would probably screw up whatever we tried to do, but she spoke first. "Listen, I'd let you crash, but I don't know how my roommates would feel if they woke up and found you on the couch. Are you going to be all right getting home?"

"I'll be fine," I croaked. The walk to the train was amazing. I felt great. The whole ride home I could still feel her lips on mine; the softness of them, how warm and slick they were. I remembered how firm and full her breasts felt, how tightly packed her thigh was under her jeans. I thought about almost nothing else the next day and barely made it through my shift when Laurie caught me by the elevator again.

"Want to go grab a beer?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Why don't we head over to that bar by my place."

"Sounds good to me." We dispensed with the hour of walking and took a cab. After a few beers Laurie suggested we leave before while we could still say we only had a good buzz going and weren't really drunk yet. We stopped to get a few more six packs and headed off towards her apartment. Halfway down the block we heard a whisper from an open car window as we walked past. We turned to see what it was just in time to see a woman's head disappear into the lap of the driver and she began to give him a furious blowjob. We stood for a moment in disbelief as she wantonly gave very audible head to this man in full view of anyone who passed under the streetlight. We looked at each other and ran the rest of the way.

At the door to her building Laurie fumbled in her jacket for her keys as we kissed. Once inside we bolted for the elevator. I hit the call button while Laurie tore at the zipper on my jeans, her hand slipping inside and wrapping around my raging erection. I groaned as Laurie pulled me by the cock through the opening elevator door. All alone in the elevator she sank right to her knees and swallowed the length of my shaft. She pumped her head in fevered strokes during the all too quick ride to the 12th floor. She was sucking hard and there was a loud pop when the elevator doors opened at her floor and she pulled her head off. Once again she fumbled for her keys as we kissed, this time we were rabidly striping each other. Our jackets were off before the door was opened and quickly thrown to the floor. She pulled my back towards her bedroom as we stripped each other leaving a trail of clothes from the front door we somehow managed to remember to close. She yanked my shirt over my head not bothering with the buttons as her shirt went tumbling to the floor. I fumbled with her belt while kicking off my shoes as she was finishing the job of removing my pants, which she initiated in the lobby. Her shoes got kicked off as she almost stumbled over the pants now bunching at her ankles.

When we finally got through the door of her bedroom I was down to my boxers and she was dressed in nothing but a sheer, light blue bra and panty set. She kept backing up, kissing me until her legs hit the edge of her bed and she fell to a sitting position, eye level with the cock standing proud out of my boxers. She didn't miss a beat; her mouth went straight to my pulsing unit and continued with the frenzied sucking she had started in the elevator. She paused only briefly to yank my shorts to the floor then back to work. One hand stroked my balls while the other firmly grabbed my ass. Her tongue flickered across my shaft as she deep-throated me with ease. My whole body writhed in pleasure as I felt her throat caress me as she swallowed with my cockhead several inches past her mouth. I was nearing orgasm already and I hadn't even fully stripped her. "Holy shit, you've gotta stop," I gasped, "I'm gonna cum!" She looked up at me with a smile as she pulled away from my member.

"Go ahead, we've got all night." With that she engulfed my entire length again and continued with her amazing swallow-massage. Within seconds the load that she began to cultivate the night before was flying down her talented throat. My knees buckled and I fell back onto the floor as my orgasm waned. I looked up at her as my vision cleared. I had no idea what to do next; I had just had a tremendous orgasm and hadn't even been in her apartment for fifteen minutes. "Do me a favor," she said as she leaned back and found the pack of cigarettes on her nightstand, "go grab us a couple of beers." She was a keeper.

I retrieved the beers from the living room floor and returned to find her still horribly overdressed in her matching underwear. I lit myself a cigarette and the flipped the lighter over to open our beers with. We relaxed for a few moments drinking our beers. I slugged mine back slowly, trying to take some strength from it as I watched her tongue slither lasciviously around the longneck, which would periodically disappear a few inches into her mouth. She spent most of the brief break staring daggers through me as she fellated her beer bottle. Done with my cigarette I stubbed it out and snapped back my remaining beer and crawled over to her.

She leaned back as I began to hover over her. I leaned down and brought my lips to hers. My lips met hers softly and slowly parted to allow my tongue to flutter over her lips. My hand rose to her breasts and she moaned softly. I smiled wickedly to myself looking at her grinding underneath me with her eyes shut, realizing what a good thing it was that she dispensed with my first orgasm so quickly. I would now be in absolutely no rush as I pleasured her.

My hand slid from one breast to the other, twisting her nipples between my thumb and index finger. Planting gentle kisses on her jaw, then her neck my hand slid back in the other direction. My fingers curled around the snap in the center of her bra and I pulled her up with me by it as I sat up. I unsnapped her bra and gasped as her breasts sprang out of them. If there was a woman on the planet who didn't need to wear one, it was she. I suspect she wore it as a match for the panties as her lightly tanned, tight skin contrasted impeccably against the light blue fabric.

My arm around her, I lowered my mouth to her nipple as I slowly lowered her back down to the bed beneath me. Sucking gently at her nipple while my free hand massaged her other breast, I felt her hands light on my shoulders and push me down. I had been too caught up in her amazing breasts to realize why, but I could smell her, musky and tangy, from where I was. I smiled again, this time looking up to see her huge brown eyes looking back at me. Not one to disappoint I went where she wanted, although a lot more slowly than she would have cared for, leaving a slick trail from my tongue from her breasts on down. I stopped and flicked my tongue into her navel quickly receiving a gasp for my efforts and continued on my sightseeing tour south.

My hand slid over her crotch and I heard both her moan of desperation and the wet crackle of her soaked panties as I did so. The aroma was driving me mad. I bit gently into the tender flesh of her inner thigh before kissing her barely covered pussy. I took the time to lick the juices off her inner thighs before they were wiped away as I slipped off her panties. Finally, I tugged them down past her thighs, to her taut dancers calves and then off. I looked up to her newly revealed sex to find two swollen labia struggling to conceal her throbbing pearl. My fingers slid through her silky hair as I lapped her slick t'aint and continued up to her lips. Slowly I pulled each between my lips to savor her, she tasted like pinot noir.

"Holy shit, you're killing me," ripped me from my stupor. Her dainty hands pawed at my cleanly shaved scalp; had I hair, I suspect large chunks of it would be being pulled out at this point. The dilemma raced through me: let her get off or drag it out? I opted to drag it out and my tongue briefly buried itself into her. I momentarily savored the sweeter taste that came from within her before withdrawing my tongue and slithering it back down to her t'aint. "Oh my God, please go back," was her reply. I swabbed her clean and returned to my labial ministrations, pulling each in turn into my mouth. I sucked on each gently while my tongue swirled around it. I licked further and further up, encroaching on her aching jewel. I slipped a finger into her as my lips closed on her clit eliciting a yelp as her back arched. My finger found her inner sanctuary scalding hot as it curled in search of her magic button. When my finger found her button, it danced over it in rhythm with my tongue flickering over the clit between my lips. She had been as pent up as I was and began almost immediately to cum. Her pussy contracted violently and I felt a sharp pain in my knuckle as my finger was clamped down on. I grimaced and the resulting pressure my lips put on her clit sent her over the edge. She howled briefly, hands clawing at my scalp vainly searching for hair to pull. Her hips ground down into my face as her fingers finally decided it best to simply clench and dig her nails into my head. Eventually the clamp in her pussy subsided to a series of gentler and gentler squeezes around my damaged finger and she fluttered back to earth.

Her quiet, rapturous breathing was brief, however, and quickly her face turned into a snarl as she growled at me. She grabbed me by the shoulders as I still planted light kisses on her labia and flipped me back against the wall. She ran her tongue across my jaw and upon reaching my chin licked upwards until she was planting a fevered kiss on me. Her hand wrapped surprisingly lightly around my cock in contrast to the force with which she was kissing my. She gently stroked my nearly fully erect member and descended to nip at my nipples as her head traveled down to my lap. It was her turn to grin as she kissed my belly and wrapped her firm C-cup breasts around my cock. Her skin was soft and my eyes rolled back into my head. "Do you like that?" she asked. "Do you like how my tits feel around your cock?" I could only nod in response. "I bet you'll like this better," she said and slipped her lips around the head of my cock as she continued to squeeze her breasts around the shaft.

Her tongue flickered around the head one last time and, still bobbing as she stroked me with her tits, "Looks like someone's ready to come out and play." With that her hands returned to my shoulders and slid me down onto my back and underneath her. I felt the length of my unit slide under her wet sex, her labia gripping at it as it slipped past until the head made it's way between them. She slid back down until I could feel her hardened clit against my corona and she ground it against me. I gasped as I felt a gentle suction from her pussy against the sensitive ring underneath the head of my cock, and in one swift motion she slid forward and back down, engulfing me within her.

She leaned forward and bucked her hips furiously, her hands on my shoulders pinning me down. I tried to thrust up into her but she sat up and pistoned over me frantically before finally rolling over and onto her back. I looked down at her and saw this vision with one leg splayed out flat on the bed, the other bent with her knee in the air. She held her arms out to me, "Fuck me," she said. I rolled over between her legs and my cock found home as if it were meant to be there as her arms wrapped around me and pulled me in for a kiss. I slid into her slowly as she hissed into my mouth. Finally all the way inside her I stopped to relish the feeling of being in her, she felt like hot quicksand. I thrust away as the smells of sweat and sex mingled in the air. She groaned underneath me and the contractions within her began to cut through the stamina that the beer and recent orgasm had momentarily bestowed upon me. Her eyes shut and her arms squeezed around my back as her pussy began to clamp down once again. The tightness was unbearable. "Oh my God, you have the sweetest…" I was cut off by the orgasm that ripped through me from my ankles to my neck. We were both cumming like mad. I had never before been so consumed by an orgasm; my entire back was twitching, my knees contracting, toes curling, my arms limp. She was crying out but the roaring in my ears was washing it away. Her beautiful form was disappearing into the haze growing in front of my eyes as I collapsed on top of her.

We came to in a tangled pool of limbs and sweat. She looked at me grinning from ear to ear. "Christ, was I loud enough?" she laughed. "My roommates are going to want to meet you."

We didn't make it to work the next day. We spent the day nursing each other's "hangovers."