Hello! Come in to the Office! My name is Dr. Rita Jones, I'll be your Doctor today. I understand that your problem is erectile dysfunction. That's a common problem among men, so don't feel concerned or embarrassed about it (giggle...) Now, I've examined your chart, and there are several effective medications we can try, with a low range of side effects and a high degree of efficacy (he's not bad-looking, in a weird sort of way).
Of course there's always the old standby Prozac, although you should be aware that some studies indicate a current tendency to overprescribe that particular medication (did he just look at my tits?) Now, don't feel uncomfortable, but I'm going to have to briefly examine your penis in order to determine the problem and proper dosing. Please hop up on the table and no jokes, please, I've heard them all before and I'm a Professional (his eyes have started to dilate a little early). Yes, that's correct. I shall now examine the penis size and shape using my own patented examination procedure. I notice that there is no immediate response, that's actually quite good, and appropriate to the situation. I note that size when flaccid is one inch long and a half-inch in diameter (is that Trump show on tonight?) I shall now examine glans penis size – good, I note a very slight increase in diameter and crown length upon initial inspection (does this guy even know how to do it?)
Excellent! I shall now provide precisely one rapid hand stroke from base penis to upper shaft in order to measure response. Please be Professional about this and maintain an appropriate demeanor. Very good. No response at all. No, don't be concerned, that's entirely normal. Any other response would have been entirely inappropriate. Now we shall just let it stay unstimulated for a minute. Good. Initial response followed by immediate return to a flaccid state. Satisfactory. I shall now, as standard procedure, display my breasts in order to determine immediate response. Good – no response at first – good...good... okay, perfect, initial erection has begun. No don't be embarrassed, it is entirely appropriate. You may notice that my nipples have become slightly erect, again, totally normal (there's that first drop I want to lick it). Very well. Initial response appropriate and normal.
Next I want you to look deep into my eyes, as I need to measure the response of your iris. Good – good – dilation of eyes normal (oh my God we're going to fuck). Penile length has now increased by three-fifths and girth length has instantiated. Okay, perfect!
Now lie down on the table on top of me, and do not be ceremonious about it. Insert your penis in to my vagina – don't worry, due to the extended eye contact, sufficient lubrication has been produced. Good, now don't thrust! Simply stay in this position, and I shall measure your response to initial intromission (oh my god oh my god oh my god. It feels so good I'm so horny I want to come now now NOW) No, your penile response is inappropriate, girth is good but it should not be this long upon intromission. Next stay still – due to the stimulation it is necessary for me to make an initial coital gasp. There. Good.
Now I am going to curl my toes, bend my knees, and push upwards as I sigh, and I want you to make exactly one thrust into me and out in response. Very good... Penile length is now more appropriate to the stimulation amount (did I leave the lights on John wasn't this big). Okay, you may notice that my respiration rate is increasing slightly, it is appropriate for you to kiss me in response and whisper sweet nothings in my ear (I'm starting to get wet). Perfect. It is now necessary for you to begin your coital thrusting. I shall engage in pelvic thrusting in response, but remember that I am simply engaging in my duties as an eval- eval- evaluator of your penis response cycle. No that's not right, thrust a little deeper, your come must be deposited deep inside, near the surface of the cervix. Correct.
