The room felt very strange to Katelyn. But everything had felt strange since she'd walked out on her husband.
She was in the guest bedroom of her best friend from college, Emily. She had stayed in the hotel as long as she could. But just as the money was about to run out, she'd gotten a call out of the blue from Emily, who'd asked if she needed a place to stay. And she'd been so grateful she couldn't even make a pretense of refusing.
Now she was sitting in a strange bedroom, staring at the wall, wondering for the millionth time if she'd made a mistake. She hadn't even touched the two bags that Emily's husband Hank had dragged out of her hotel room, out to her car, up the winding front steps and into the house. She felt like unpacking them would make it too real.
There was a light knock at the door and Emily poked her face in. Katelyn felt a slight bit of reality come back at the sight of the familiar visage that always seem on the brink of a naughty grin.
"Hey, want to join me on the deck for a drink or three?"
"Um, I guess."
She passively followed Emily out. Emily stopped at Hank's office — he was busy over his laptop — and told him they'd be outside. And then they went out into the warm evening and took up two lawn chairs. Emily handed her a glass of wine and the two women sat in the growing darkness.
For a while, they just casually chatted about work, life, gossip about friends. Emily didn't press the issue, but Katelyn knew they were going to inevitably come to her marital situation. As the wine settled in, however, her trepidation about the divorce grew into anticipation to the point where she was waiting for Emily to bring it up. It had been a couple of months now and she hadn't really had the chance to talk about it to a friend, woman to woman. Emily picked up on this. And after their second glass, spoke with a delicate voice.
"So ... "
"Yeah."
"I know I shouldn't say this. Because friends are always saying, 'Yeah, you go girl' to someone who's contemplating a divorce. I really always hope that things will work out. But in your case ..."
"Yes?"
"In your case ... holy shit, Katelyn, what took you so long?"
Katelyn couldn't speak for a moment. And then she burst out laughing. And then the laughter turned to tears. Emily came over and gave her hug and kissed her forehead. But for a long time, Katelyn couldn't really speak. It was as if all the pent-up emotions of two months had come gushing out at once.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"No, no, no. It's OK. I know ... well, I don't really know ... but I can guess how hard this all is on you."
"But you think I'm doing the right thing?"
Emily looked at her for a moment and then nodded. "Absolutely. Doug is ... he's a piece of shit. I thought so when you married him. I've thought so for eight years. And now I'm finally glad I don't have to pretend otherwise."
"You're right," said Katelyn, sitting back on the chair. "I knew it. I knew it even I was walking down the aisle."
"So ..."
"Well ... it was my upbringing. I was always told I had to save myself for marriage. 'Save yourself for marriage', 'your chastity is scared', 'no man will want a fallen woman'. But even though all that stuff was drilled into me from a very young age ... I just couldn't stick to it. I eventually slept with a man. And then he dumped me. And then another. And he dumped me. And then I slept with Doug. And when he said we should get married, I was relieved. I thought I was finally saved from a life of ignominy."
Emily touched her hand.
"I knew it was a huge mistake. But then it was my parents again, 'No man will want a divorcee'. But when I turned thirty, it was like something changed in me. I started getting more assertive about what I wanted. And that really pissed him off. And then I realized that I desperately wanted kids and desperately did not want them to be his kids. Not that he wanted them anyway. He'd been stringing me along for years on the kids thing before I realized he didn't want any. And ... well, he barely ever wanted to do ... you know, the thing that makes kids."
Emily looked at her in shock.
"Really?"
"Really. That was one of the worst parts. It made me feel so ugly and unattractive. I guess it was a way of keeping me down, making me think no other man would want me. But that was what broke the camel's back. I would try to make myself look sexy and be all seductive. But he wasn't interested. I felt so humiliated when he would reject me that I stopped even trying.
"Then one day, I'm walking down the street and some construction workers start cat-calling me. And ... I mean, I didn't like it, obviously. They shouldn't be doing that to women. But it was like a revelation. I suddenly realized that I wasn't unattractive. That there were men who would want me. And that there was no reason to stay in that rotten marriage."
"Glad to hear that. You are ... quite attractive. I've always thought so. Hank has said so many times."
Katelyn blushed a little bit. She'd always envied Emily's look — tall, slender, sleek and with an ass to die for. And she knew that Emily, at least in college, had been a little bit bisexual. To hear a genuine complement from Emily made her feel better.
"So that night, he went out to the bar. And I packed up my things and left. I was terrified. But I made myself do it. He called me to scream at me until I blocked his number. And my lawyer got a restraining order. I had saved up a little money where he couldn't get at it but ... this is really burning up what little was there. And my parents have said they won't support me through this. So ..."
"You're more than welcome to stay here until you're back on your feet, "said Emily, patting her hand. "It'll be like back in college!"
Katelyn smiled and brushed away a tear. Emily gave her hand another pat and then went back into the house. When she returned, she had a bottle of sparkling wine.
"OK, now this deserves something a little more special."
"Emily! This isn't something to celebrate!" Katelyn said with a laugh.
"Sure it is! You just got rid of 200 pounds of ugly fat and my best friend is my roommate again. That's definitely something to celebrate."
The night went on and the alcohol began to get to the two women. Their conversation was becoming more intimate and more interspersed with laughter and giggling. For the first time since she'd dashed out of the house with nothing but two suitcases, Katelyn was feeling happy.
"Cheers again," said Emily. "To being free of that lump."
"He wasn't that bad," said Katelyn. "I did love him."
"I'm not sure why," said Emily. "I always wondered what you saw in him when you first hooked up with him. It wasn't like he was rich or funny or anything."
Katelyn nodded. "That's true. And ..."
She blushed and then whispered, "And the sex was ... it was never good."
