"So, what do ya say then, mate?" you ask, as I thoughtfully drain my pint.
I'm not sure what to say. I'm not even sure what I think. You've just offered me the chance to fuck your girlfriend. Not for nothing, of course. No, you want five hundred quid and there are conditions. I have to wear a condom and nothing up the arse. Fair enough.
I was sceptical at first. Rarely does anyone come up to me while I'm having a quiet lunchtime pint in the Bull's Head and offer me their girlfriend, even if it is for money. In fact, this is the first time it has ever happened. I naturally thought it was some kind of joke.
However the more you explained about your financial situation, the more it seemed to make sense. You do appear to be more than usually hard up at the moment. You tell me that five hundred quid is all you need to cover your rent and get your car fixed. I don't believe a word of that, but I'm sure you need the money for some dodgy scheme or another. I don't give a shit what you spend it on.
I have an issue the price, £500 for one shag is a lot. I am no stranger to punting in London, I've done it all over. I know I can get an absolutely stunning working girl for half the night for that kind of money. I can get a quick shag for considerably less. But then your bird isn't a working girl. She is Chloe Turner.
Chloe fucking Turner! Let's get one thing clear, she is not the most beautiful girl in the world. She probably isn't even the most beautiful girl in Hackney. There is, however, something about her. The way she moves maybe. Her confidence. How she just doesn't seem to give a toss about anybody but herself. The way she flirts so aggressively and shamelessly with any man who happens to cross her path. Except me, that is.
That's the other thing that worries me. You put a bloke in the hospital once, just for talking to her. It wasn't even the poor bugger's fault. She had been coming on to him all evening before you showed up. How was he to know she had a boyfriend? Especially one so violently jealous. It doesn't make sense. Why would you go from risking another stretch inside over a bit of flirting, to pimping her out for five hundred nicker? And why me?
It's probably because you know she doesn't fancy me. I'm unthreatening. I could never steal her from you, even with my dick inside her. It will be a pure business transaction, there is no way she'll get any physical pleasure out of it. Plus I'm one of the few people you know who has that kind of cash. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I have my own flat and I'm not on the dole. That alone means I'm far better off than most of the people around here.
Chloe Turner. I don't even exist to her, but I've been watching her and admiring her for a long time. I've had a thing for her since she was in school. I used to see her walking around in her uniform, skirt rolled up to show off as much leg as possible, shoplifting, getting into trouble. A couple of times she asked me to buy her booze and fags from the off licence. I did it too. Ten Benson and Hedges and a two litre bottle of Strongbow. Anything just for a short interaction with her. She's a proper east London chav, no class whatsoever. White trash, you might say, just like you. I want her though. I've always wanted her.
Despite the way she looks and the way she acts, she could not be described as a slut. All the boys know Chloe. All the boys want to bang Chloe. Very few have. She's a prick tease, but she doesn't actually put it about. She loves to make a guy think he's going to get some. Get him all geared up and ready to go, then drop him like a hot sack of shit at the last minute. I've seen more than a few blokes fall for it over the years. She's not the kind of girl to let someone do her, up a back alley, at closing time. I think you are the first boyfriend she's had.
I don't know whether this is a genuine offer, or an elaborate plan for you to rob me of a monkey and for her to get me horny, then leave me hard and humiliated.
I trust you...No, I don't. I wouldn't trust a scumbag like you as far as I could throw you. What I mean is, I don't believe you are planning to try and rip me off so blatantly. Not this time at least. Her, I'm not so sure about. She's wildly unpredictable, acts on impulse. Either way this is too good an opportunity to turn down. It's most likely the only one I'm going to get with her.
I nod my assent.
"Nice one!" you say enthusiastically, "I'll come and pick the dosh up this evening, then send her round on Saturday. What time's good for you?"
Nice try mate! You must think I was born yesterday, if you believe I'll fall for that one.
"No, tell her to come around three on Saturday afternoon. I'll give
her
the money then."
You don't protest. Just say your goodbyes, promise me a great time and leave. I go up to the bar and order another pint. I only half believe she'll show up. I don't think you've even convinced her yet. We'll see.
***
Saturday afternoon rolls around and I hear my doorbell ring. It's gone four, but I waited in, just in case. It's not like I have anything better to do today.
I open the door. It's her, Chloe, she came. I don't know how you did it and I don't know how it'll go from here, but I'm excited to find out. Also a little apprehensive. Like I said before, she is capricious in the extreme. She can be getting on swimmingly with somebody, then suddenly turn on them. I've seen her steal from her best friends. I'm not ready to start counting my chickens just yet. I want to see if she tries to pull a fast one.
"Alright?" she says, as she confidently brushes past me and heads into the living room.
She helps herself to a cigarette from the packet on the coffee table and sits smoking on the sofa. I nip into the kitchen to retrieve an ashtray and place it in front of her. I also slide over a white envelope.
"I didn't think you were coming," I tell her, as she inspects the contents. Twenty five crisp, new £20 notes, five hundred pounds exactly.
"Well I'm here now," she replies. "Where's the rest?"
"What do you mean? There's five hundred there."
"I was told a grand."
"Er...Not by me you weren't. I would never have agreed to a thousand."
She gets to her feet. "I need to call Steve."
I knew she was going to try something. If she tries to make a dash for the door with the money, I'll punch the fucking bitch right in the face. I won't let her get away with it, I'll knock her out if I have to. She can't pull one over on me that easily.
To my surprise, she leaves the envelope, still full of money, on the table and goes into the hallway with her phone. She closes the the living room door behind her and I strain to hear your conversation.
It's quiet at first and I can't make out what she's saying. Then she suddenly starts shouting.
"You said he was going to give me a grand! What do you think I am? Doing it with some random bloke for five hundred measly quid. Fuck you Steve, you arsehole!"
She goes quiet again. It would appear that you convinced her to come by telling her she was getting a lot more than she is. That was risky. She's going to be pissed off with you no matter what happens and if she decides to leave, I'm going to be angry for wasting my time. Plus, you won't get your money. I imagine you on the other end of the line, frantically trying to talk her into it. I hope you manage to.
Finally she raises her voice again. "Fine, whatever, I'll bloody well do it."
Excellent!
She wanders back into the room and stubs out her fag in the ashtray. Shrugs off her denim jacket and tosses it carelessly onto the sofa. Picks up the envelope containing
my
hard earned five hundred pounds and shoves it into her knock off designer handbag, which then joins her jacket on the couch.
"So where's the bedroom then?" she asks
Almost too eagerly, I show her the way. My flat is small so it's just a few steps really.
Once inside she drops to her knees in front of me, grabs hold of my waistband and pulls down my tracksuit bottoms and underwear together to reveal my still half flaccid dick. No messing about for her, straight down to business. I haven't even had a chance to get hard yet, but I'm not complaining. She knows just how to remedy the situation. She holds my thighs, takes my semi into her open mouth and sucks. She can take the whole thing in easily as it is, but it rapidly starts to grow.
I can't believe I'm getting sucked off by Chloe Turner. The girl I have been lusting after since the day she started to grow tits. Any of the guys round here would happily stab me to be in my position right now. In fact, the lads round here frequently do stab people for a lot less.