This is part nine of a serial narrative. For maximum enjoyment, please begin with part one.
***************
I look out from the summit to the valley below. The autumn leaves shine in the sun like brass, the river cutting through, a dazzling silver. Nestled in this picture are the familiar steeples and rooftops of my hometown. I lived away from it for a couple unhappy years, but beyond that, it's the only place I've called home.
The warmth of the sun soothes me while the cool air filling my lungs invigorates. I feel tranquil. I haven't felt this at ease for a long time now.
I ended it with Chloe. I had to.
We did meet at the motel that night. My initial instinct was correct- it felt seedy. I should have trusted myself. But the unpleasant location didn't stop me. The thought of having Danae and Chloe in one day, that as Chloe sucked my cock she was tasting her own mother's pussy, turned me into a monster.
In retrospect, I'm sure Chloe had expected something on the more romantic side that night. She asked me to meet. It would have been our last time together for a while. But in the moment, I wasn't giving a thought to what she wanted. She still clearly took some pleasure in it. She never told me to stop anything I did. She came. And yet, when I was done, I could see it in her face: she was disappointed. She had wanted love that night, not domination.
A switch flicked in my brain. It's as though I had forgotten how to feel shame and then was suddenly consumed by it.
After we had cleaned ourselves up, I told her that it would be our last night together. I told her I'd taught her everything I knew and that she needed to go on her own journey. It was the good time to end it, I reasoned, her going back to school and all.
She took it well. She understood. She remembered what we had agreed: either of us could walk away whenever we felt best, no questions asked. She would be a woman of her word.
But despite her calm, reasonable words, she could not stop herself from crying. I held her.
"Our last night is not over," I told her.
I laid her down on the bed and kissed her. As we sweetly kissed, I put myself inside her one last time. We kissed throughout, each taking turns who was on top. It was a poignant, beautiful farewell.
She's been at school ever since. I still expect she'll try to lure me back somehow when she returns for winter break, but she won't have a chance. Immediately after Christmas, Jen, Felix, and I are going to the Keys. Jen's uncle passed away recently. He'd left her enough for us to finally redo the roof and take our first major vacation in years.
The morning after my final night with Chloe, I replied to Abbey Grace's email. I needed to end things with her as well.
Hi Abbey,
I enjoyed seeing you at the conference as well! It was good to catch up and learn some new things about one another.
Your offer is greatly appreciated. However, I have to decline. It would be a lot of time away from home and I want to focus on spending time with my family right now.
It would be a very enjoyable endeavor to take part in, I am sure. Our brief time playing together at the conference was a pure pleasure. Please don't take this declination of an opportunity as a rejection of you or your talents. I still hold you in the utmost respect.
Your friend,
I hadn't been sure what to do about Danae. So, I did nothing. I hadn't seen or talked to her at all until yesterday, when we ran into each other at the grocery store. She was all smiles and spoke as though I had never rammed her until she screamed like a final girl in a horror film. I'm sure she'd be delighted if I came round the house again, but I don't think it will cause her any harm if I never do.
It was an enjoyable year, I don't regret it. I had never thought I could be so desirable.
Chloe, Jazlyn, Abbey Grace, Danae... I still can't quite fathom I had been with any one of them, but all? I've never felt so confident in myself, never felt so much like a man.
But I couldn't keep it going. I was losing control of the situation, of myself. Chloe was becoming too attached. Abbey Grace wanted to push things too far too fast.
Just as I decide it's time to start my descent, my phone buzzes. I look to see who's calling.
It's Jazlyn.
I haven't spoken to Jazlyn since this summer, when she joined Chloe and I for an afternoon cocksucking.
I answer.
"Hello?"
"Hey... it's Jazlyn."
"Hi Jazlyn. What's up?"
"I, uh... I was wondering if we could talk."
"What about?"
"Could you meet me tomorrow?"
"Meet you? Aren't you at school?"
"I'll be home for the weekend."
"K... What's this about?"
"I- I'd rather talk in person."
"I don't know if I can."
"Please? It's important."
"Is something wrong?"
"No. It's not like that."
There's a long silence.
"Does this," I ask with hesitation, "have to do with what happened this summer?"
"No. Not exactly."
"Not exactly?"
"Can we see each other tomorrow?"
"Uhhh... sure. The Grove Street Cafe."
"My house."
"Your-? I'm not sure-"
"My folks won't be there. They're away this weekend."
"Then I definitely think it would be wiser-"
"Don't worry. I just want to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Two o'clock, tomorrow."
"Jazlyn, I-"
"Please."
There is something sad in her voice, so uncharacteristic of her.
"Alright. I'll see you then."
"Thanks. Bye."
"Goodbye."
I sigh and head down the mountain.
The next day is as beautiful as the one before. It's the afternoon and I'm walking to Jazlyn's house. It's only three blocks from mine.
Jazlyn's parents are overall good people from all I have observed. Both are professors at a local liberal arts college. It's hardly Ivy League, but you wouldn't know it by their attitude. They certainly were supportive of their daughter, they gave her a comfortable life and let her pursue her own interests. But I always got the sense that they didn't find their daughter particularly
interesting
. She was a born athlete, they could see that and appreciate it on a logical level, but they just didn't
get
sports and so didn't
get
Jazlyn. Neither of them were at the meet in which she broke the state pole vault record. We were- Felix, Jen, and I. Felix wanted to support their best friend and Jen and I had been happy to do so as well.
Our house was a second home to Jazlyn for years. She stayed over at our house more Saturdays than not during the school year and at least three times a week in summer.
She and I had a very joking and sarcastic way of communicating, but she was also the only one of Felix's friends who came to me to vent their troubles and seek advice. Truly of all my child's friends, Jazlyn was the only one I could honestly say was my friend too.
I stop on the sidewalk in front of her house, taking one last moment to collect myself before stepping into whatever this is going to be.
I've severed all my sexual relations with the others. I will simply do the same with Jazlyn. I will talk to her frankly and briefly and I will leave.
The house is a fair size bigger than mine, but far more boring. They painted it beige, for Pete's sake. Square lawn with some square-cut evergreen shrubs. Not exactly what you'd call inspired.
I walk across the perfectly cut grass and knock on the brown door. It opens right away.
Jazlyn stands in the doorway. She's always been a sweat pants and t-shirt kind of gal, but now she's wearing a white linen dress embroidered with yellow flowers. Her jet black hair is half up in a braid, pulling it away from her graceful face while still letting it cascade in curls down her shoulders. But the difference in her appearance that strikes me the most is her expression. She looks
shy
. She knows I'm giving her a glance over, but she is not the confident boss who showed off her sweaty, topless body to me this summer. She holds her elbows close, her shoulders slightly slumping, her head tilted forward. She nervously places a curl behind her ear.
"Should I come in?" I ask after a moment's hesitation on both our parts.
"Yeah," she replies quietly and steps aside.
I enter the house. The decor is obnoxiously varied- African wood masks, South American tapestries, Japanese watercolors, and Navajo sand art. And somehow, it still looks boring as shit.
"Well," I ask Jazlyn, "what would you like to talk about?"
She doesn't answer but heads up the stairs.
"Jazlyn," I say, "I'd rather we stayed-"
But she's already reached the top and turned out of sight.
I've never been upstairs in her house before, but I can surmise what's up there: her bedroom. I don't want to go to her bedroom.
"Jazlyn!" I call out. There is no reply. "Jazlyn! Could we talk down here?!"
After a silent moment, I sigh and travel up the stairs. At the end of the hallway, I see an open door. I walk to it and step through.
Jazlyn sits on the edge of her bed. The room is sunny. The soft pink color of the walls gives the room a peaceful feel. Along one wall is a display with her various medals and trophies adorning the shelves. That's her parents' attitude toward her achievements in one clear visual. If my kid had achieved so much, I'd place their trophy case in the living room for all to see, not tuck it away in their bedroom for no one but themself to enjoy. Her bed is a twin, but looks very comfortable. She sits atop a fluffy duvet with a white lace cover. Her legs are crossed. Her hands grip the edge of her mattress. She looks up at me with glowing copper eyes.
"Could we talk downstairs?" I ask.
"No," she says. "I'd rather talk here."
"And that is what we're here for, right? To talk?"
"Yes."
A long pause.
"What do you want to talk about, Jazlyn?"
She stands up. A thin strap of her dress falls off her shoulder. She doesn't move it back.
"I've been thinking alot," she says, "about this summer. About that day at your house when Chloe and I-"
"Yes, I know the day you're talking about. How could I forget?"
"I was... I was so angry that day."
"You didn't seem it."
"Of course not. My father loves to talk about how we all wear masks from time to time. I wear one all the time."
"What- what made you so angry?"
She looks down.
"When I looked through the window and saw you and Chloe... when I saw your furiosity and her... ecstasy... I was angry to see her take what I had always wanted."
