The Awaening

Let me begin by saying, I love sex. I love cumming. I love cocks. And, I love head, both giving and receiving. But, it wasn't always this way for me.

In fact, I think it would be fair to say that I was the prim, demure and cold one, much to the chagrin of my long term partner. At the ripe old age of 40, I found myself, and I never intend to lose that person again.

How does this happen you ask? I am sure there are many women out there, who would like to have the same transformation; and I have seen ads from men who would like to know how to help the women in their lives love sex as much as they do. Unfortunately, this is not a how to article, what this is is the story of the road I traveled to my awakening. You could call it my sexual awakening, but since it affects my life as a whole, I simply call it my awakening.

Prior to my awakening, I was a professional woman (well technically, that hasn't changed) and I led what many would consider a charmed life. I was happy with my life, I was in a long term relationship, I had great friends and life seemed perfect. But I wasn't truly happy with myself. The bottom line was I had no self esteem. Looking back now, it is obvious to me that it was a self-preservation tactic of my partner to allow me to continue through life thinking that I had little to offer any one else in the world and I was very lucky to have him.

I lived that life for over 20 years, counting my blessings for what I had even if what I had was what my partner wanted, not what I wanted. To put it bluntly, I had learned to be happy with sex once a month and one orgasm during that time and I was very thankful to have found someone who wanted me. Not so bad some of you may say, but that all changed two years ago, almost overnight. On this day, into my life walked Sam.

Sam and I knew each other through happenstance. We had known each other for years actually. Through those years, when I looked at Sam I got goose bumps from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and amazingly, something else would happen as well, something I wasn't at all familiar with....my pussy would get amazingly wet. All of this was very one sided I knew, but I sure enjoyed the feelings he raised in me. Occasionally, we would have accidental contact that was not so accidental. I would be standing behind him and I would rub my tits against his back or when he would hug me goodbye I would turn so my tit was in his hand. All innocent flirting it seemed at the time. All innocent until one day Sam put words to the game and a whole new world was opened up for me.

An amazing man is Sam. He is one of those men that you dream about but never expect to find. We could share everything together, sexual, physical and life in general. Sam not only continually reminded me he would never judge and he truly wanted to hear about the pieces of my life, but he showed me daily. Sam encouraged me to enjoy life and offered to do anything he could to help me. I began by telling him that I already enjoyed life, but as he asked me questions about my sexual life, I realized I had been hiding from myself for years. Sam asked about past adventures and helped me to rewrite some pages of my history. I had written off these past experiences as just that, things that happened in the past, embarrassing pubescent moments, really. Sam showed me that these experiences made me who I am, and he also showed me that despite how I portrayed myself, I was a lot more adventurous than I gave myself credit for.

I think it would be fair to say that this was step one of my awakening. Sam always seemed very interested in what I had to say and I didn't mind opening up with him. Looking back now, I have to admit that Sam knows more about me than any other person in this world. And I am very comfortable with that.

So, let's start at the beginning. I think it might help to explain how much of a change I have made in the last two years. I grew up in a home where modesty was expected and sex was a taboo topic of discussion. Let's just say that when I first started menstruating, my mother asked me "You know what this is right?", and when I answered yes, that was the last that was ever said about it. I had my first boyfriend at 13 and we dated off and on through high school and into college. My parents never felt the need to tell me the birds and the bees. Sex was not only something we didn't talk about, apparently it didn't happen in the world and anyone who said it did must be lying!!!

My first boyfriend and I learned about sex together. He was 14 and had as little experience as I did, but he had older siblings so he must have learned something from them. As kids do, we explored each others bodies. He gave me my first orgasm while rubbing my clit as I sat in the backseat of his mother's car as she drove us to the movies At the time I didn't know what it was, I just knew it felt good. I learned how to give a blow job on him though I refused to let him return the favor because it seemed so dirty for him to go down on me. At sixteen I finally bought into his theory that if we had sex now, it would make it so much more pleasurable should we ever get married. (Yes guys, I am fond of saying if you find them young enough and dumb enough, they will believe pretty much anything).

Even after that first time, our sexual congress consisted of no kissing, no foreplay, and no orgasms for me. My boyfriend would climb between my legs, stick his hard cock into my pussy and push until it made it in. Wet, what was that? But, I didn't know any better...it was all I knew. And life continued liked that until we broke up and I was on my own entering the dating scene.

During this time, I hooked up with a couple of guys. One took me to prom and when we got home and my parents weren't home yet, he pulled me into his lap in his car, pulled my panties to the side and tried to stick his dick in me; tried being the operative word here. I was scared to death my parents would come home, I was wearing this huge Southern Bell type dress and there was no foreplay involved. Again, I was dating someone who felt the shove until it fits method was the most effective. As you might imagine, that relationship pretty much ended there.

I next dated a young man who had even less experience than I did. He was pining for an older woman and I was a passing phase I guess. We had sex one time. The act took a little longer that it had with the other guys, but there was still no foreplay or excitement. Of course, it might have only gotten that far because I took my job as the experienced one seriously and I gave him his first blow job, if you can call sucking on his cock without the use of any hands a blow job. I was scared to death he would actually cum in my mouth so I pulled off way early and had to give him somewhere to finish so I offered my pussy. We were on a walk outside, on a rural road in an unfinished subdivision. He was lying on the asphalt and I was kneeling on top of him riding his cock. I don't think my knees will ever be the same after that kind of road rash, but we did finish the act. He came, I didn't and it seemed a little less painful than sex any other time I had had it.

This relationship also ended pretty quickly, the guy couldn't get past the older woman he was pining for. I guess it is only fair to admit at this point that he was not the only one who had a crush on someone older. I had a crush on two older guys I knew.

These guys were four years older than me. What high school girl doesn't dream of doing a college age guy? Like a dream come true, my first hook up with these guys was when I was 15. Our families were camping together and I had gone with these two guys for a ride one night. We ended up parked out in the woods and before I knew it, I was laying across their laps. My pants were down and one guy was pumping his fingers in and out of my pussy as I had my hand wrapped around the cock of the other guy and my lips locked on his. This was definitely a first for me. I remember the guys talking like I wasn't even there, talking about how the truck smelled like pussy and making other fun comments to each other that I didn't understand.

I thought I had grown up and had myself a real boyfriend, or maybe two, but after that night, those guys never talked to be about that evening again. I was so embarrassed, I was sure that I was the subject of much laughter between the two of them and their friends. I was sure that I had done something wrong. What a baby, I could hear them saying in my head.

Over the next few years, I continued to try and make a positive impression on these two guys. I gave one of them a blow job at a party, behind the closed door in a room while the party continued on. He kept telling me what a great job I was doing and before I knew it he had cum in my mouth. OMG, how gross. How could he do that to me?

Apparently, he talked to the other guy and one day I returned home to find the other guy at my house. He told me he had heard I gave good head and he wanted a chance to experience it. We were sitting on the couch and he pulled out his cock and when I put my mouth on it, I noticed it was the smallest cock I had yet to have. Here was the guy and I had had a crush on since I was 10 and he was definitely trying to compensate for his shortcomings. It was all I could do not to laugh. He wanted to go further and asked me if we could use my parent's bed. It was at that moment that I realized, I really had no interest in him and he left with blue balls. Poor guy, NOT!!!

Apparently, he was right when he told me his other friend had been bragging about my blowjobs because I had the opportunity to have that guy's cock in my mouth on several more occasions. I was friends with his wife and he had been a friend of my family for a long time. Occasionally I would go to their house for dinner and he would ask me to ride with him to the store to pick up something for dinner or some beer. On the way, we would invariably end up parked and he would pull out his cock for me to suck on. He would kiss me in preparation, but he kept his hands to himself the rest of the time. He would cum in my mouth and then we would drive on to the store.

One afternoon I went to his house to study and his wife was gone. He began kissing me, and I was so excited that he was interested in me that I went along for the ride. He pulled off his pants, pulled mine down to my knees, and sat me on his lap facing away from him and pumped five or six times before cumming. We did this twice that afternoon, both times exactly the same. He told me that if anything ever happened to his wife, he would want me. After our experiences together, I realized that he had nothing to offer me and I broke it off despite several more blow job requests. Waiting for him to no longer be married was never something I could be proud of.

So, what did all of these experiences have in common? And what did they have in common with the long term relationship that I entered into afterwards? There was nothing in any of them for me. But, did I notice? Did I feel like I was missing something? Ummmm, no. It was all I knew. And, with experiences like that, no wonder I didn't care much for sex, what was in it for me? How could I not ever really get wet? How could I not make sex interesting for myself, even they didn't? I didn't know any different and I felt I had been given everything I deserved. I didn't know yet that there was a difference between passion and desire.

But, when I met Sam all those things changed. First of all, as I explained each of these experiences to Sam, they became so much less embarrassing as he showed me how adventurous I had been, and how I had been experimenting at an early time in my life. Sam kept telling me that he knew there was a wild woman inside me just waiting to get out. He patiently asked about all of these experiences, about my likes and desires and fantasies and he freely shared his experiences, desires and fantasies with me. And when we finally got together, the word HOT could not begin to describe what we were together. Sam showed me what sex should be like. What it was like to participate. And how much passion could add to a relationship. After learning those lessons I swore that I would never live without them again.

Our first time together, Sam introduced me to head. I had been with a man for 20 years and I had never experienced oral. As I sat on the couch, Sam removed my clothes and I was so afraid he would laugh at me, but he didn't. He caressed me with his eyes, with his hands and his kisses. As I watched him I heard him tell me he wanted to taste my pussy and he took his place between my legs. Let me tell you, I thought I would die. I was so embarrassed I couldn't even look at him. But, the feeling of his tongue on my clit and his tongue and his fingers in my pussy sent me into an ecstasy I had never known before. I found myself shaking with orgasm after orgasm; I lifted and spread my legs as far as I could to give him all the access I could possibly afford. And, I screamed. I screamed like I had never had an orgasm in my entire life.

When he was done licking and sucking and pumping his fingers and his tongue in my love box, he continued to give me wave, after wave, after wave of orgasms with his tongue, his hand or his kisses, never asking for anything from me in return. It was at this moment that I knew I had missed a whole lot in my life.

As our friendship continued to grow, we continued to experiment physically, and we began to discuss our fantasies. Now, let me tell you, I had never in my life had anyone ask me to describe my fantasies. In fact, I wasn't sure I even had any. But, in his gentle and patient way, Sam asked me questions and helped me to discover and ultimately to share my fantasies with him. I admit that they started out fairly tame; you have to remember I had no experience with them.

The first one Sam helped me discover was a fantasy to pleasure myself and to be happy about that. Yes, that's right, I was almost 40 years old and I had never masturbated. In fact, I couldn't tell you what my pussy looked like if my life depended on it. With Sam's gentle guidance and understanding, I learned that sex was not the bad thing I had grown up believing and that sex with yourself is a gift, not a sin.

With constant support from Sam, I began to explore myself. I shaved my pussy bald and I checked it out. I actually put my hands on my lips, I spread the lips, I explored the clit, I explored my pussy hole with my fingers and God didn't strike me down or anything. Then I began to explore all of these things remembering how it felt when Sam touched them. I mimicked what he did when he finger fucked me and I learned to bring myself to a climax. And most of all, I learned to like it. What's not to like?

This is just the beginning of what Sam taught me. In Part 2, I will explain how Sam overcame the very large hurdle of my lack of self esteem. Are you interested in hearing how I went from finding myself boring and plain to fucking two men at the same time? Well, then you need to come back for Part 2.....