The Awaening

The following account is actual fact and not fiction. I resolve to tell truthfully of my first real lover, and not allow too much time on the other two men before him, who were sexual partners. We are to go back to another era in time, my college years. The year is 1984 with the night in question happening in late August. I was two months shy of my 22nd birthday. But first, I must give to you, dear reader, the background of my early sensual years or the lack of them, per say. This also was my first attempt at writing, I think its style is appropriate for a budding sensualist and writer.

Growing up under the influence of Southern Baptist teachings, I was a very quiet, smarter than the average bear, shy, naïve girl, who was very unsure of myself, especially during those troublesome teen years. I was very much the plain Mary Jane with large glasses; long straight hair always pulled back, no makeup and conservative clothing. It wasn't until I went away to college, when I was eighteen that I came out of my shell. I made some great friends who encouraged the caterpillar that I was to blossom into a very pretty butterfly. With the help of contact lenses, chic haircut, tasteful makeup and fashionable clothing, I became a very strikingly attractive young woman of the eighties.

Up to date on my appearance as I was, I still felt unsure of sex. Men started to notice me. I became acquainted with flirting and its benefits, as I practiced my kissing techniques and the thrill of being desired. I waited and saved my virginity until I met the man I thought I loved. In the end, at twenty-one, I not only lost my virgin airs but also my virgin heart. When he and I progressed to the stage in dating, where you are either intimate or departed, I chose intimacy without telling him that I was still a virgin, something that I was ashamed of being. The experience was a disaster. He couldn't understand why I didn't comprehend his commands or moves during the act. It wasn't until he saw the blood stained sheets that he understood. This proved to be too much for him; having the responsibly of a virgin in love. So about a week after our one night together, he told me that he couldn't handle my innocence. He preferred an experienced girlfriend, and was sorry because he didn't want to hurt me. He was a little late in the hurt department.

I went back to dating and partying with my friends, while still not understanding men or sex. Two months later, I met another guy that I really liked, thus deciding to try again. The results were a complete disaster. I told him of my inexperience, so that he would be forewarned and patient. I don't think that he was as experienced as he said. We fumbled around in the bed, neither achieving whatever our goals were supposed to be. He kept repeating to me how sex with me was no fun. What confidence I had started to accumulate, plummeted to the ground. I do remember that he told me to kiss his thighs and hips. Wanting to make up for being such a terrible lay, I did. Suddenly he had his cock in hand rubbing it across my mouth, telling me to open up. As soon as my lips closed around his throbbing prick, he came. The taste was God-awful. I knew then that come had to be green in color, because the taste was horrible.

Our failure at sex made our relationship deteriorate rapidly. I had already decided that sex wasn't for me. I would be friends with guys, flirt and dance with them while clubbing and maybe have an occasional date, but no sex. Anyway, what was the big deal about it, because I saw none.

The summer came and I decided to spend it employed as a nursing assistant at a youth camp located in the North Carolina Mountains. It was fun work. The children were great and I got to see some breathtaking sunsets. I discovered the art of self-pleasure while there at camp. It happened when several of the female counselors were in my cabin one rainy night. One of them had a woman's magazine, which had an article about the techniques of masturbation. We made jokes and laughed as she read it out loud. That night when I was alone I explored. What a discovery! I never imagined that I could feel this good this way. I mastered my self-pleasure all that summer. It did something for my self-esteem. I knew my body, how it felt under my fingers, and how to make it sing such a sweet song. I did this all alone, not needing men. I had myself. With this armed knowledge, I headed back to college.

On my first night back, I was dying to go out to the bars I loved and socialize with the people I missed all summer. My roommate, Joyce and I were preparing for the evening when a guy she had dated during the spring semester, called asking us to come over for a drink, so that we could meet his new roommate and for Joyce to see his new computer. I didn't want to go because they always tried to set me up with his friends, I didn't want to waste the night there. The neon lights of the bars were calling me. With her swearing on her mother's grave to make the visit brief, I agreed to go.

There have been maybe four or five instances in my whole entire life, when I have actually felt that I was a beautiful and desirable woman. That night was the first. My hair was long, dark and cut into a layered style with soft curls, whispering around my face. My body was tanned from the mountain sun and toned from playing volleyball with the campers. I wore a black and white sleeveless summer sweater, a black mini skirt, which had a slight flair, just barely covering my bottom and a pair of 2" black heels. I felt confident and ready for the first time to face the bar scene and handle the men there who would want to seduce me. Let them try!

Joyce and Gray, the guy we were going to visit, had a strange relationship where they were intimate one week and just friends the next, until finally settling into a "we're-just-friends" stage. I tried to stay away from Gray because he unnerved me for some reason. His intense way of staring frightened me; because I didn't understand the look or the way he made me feel. Gray resided in a three bedroom duplex about three blocks from our dorm. We decided to walk, because it was such a lovely night. Joyce threw Gray a quick hello, before hurrying into the extra bedroom, which housed the new computer. I'll never forget Gray's face as he turned to greet me. He looked incredulous, saying, "Sherrie? My God, you look beautiful!" I was totally embarrassed. Looking me up and down, he tried to mix me up a drink, probably some voodoo love potion. I quickly went in search for Joyce. I sensed danger in Gray's look, besides the men at the bars were waiting on us unbeknownst to them. Gray made my heart pound. I didn't want Joyce angry with me over him. Her friendship was more important than this strange sensation that Gray aroused within me.

We had just settled into the living room with our drinks when Dave, Gray's roommate appeared. At six feet tall, he was a Donny Osmond look-alike with brown hair, cute but not my speed. Gray of medium built, had curly black hair that fell over his forehead and one eyebrow, light green eyes and a devilish smile. To be courteous, we agreed to have a few drinks, while Dave proceeded to entertain us with magic tricks. He and his good looks intrigued Joyce, I could tell. I wondered if Gray noticed the attraction. Glancing at him, I saw that his eyes were on me. I looked away quickly, pretending not to notice. The evening unraveled when Dave decided to handcuff Joyce and I together. As any mature college guy would do, he placed the key inside his sweat pants, telling us that we had to fish for it. Joyce dove right in. It seemed to take forever for her to find the key. She kept saying, "Oh my!" while fumbling around inside his pants. I made some comment about her ability to find the key, which should have been easy since metal absorbs heat and she was definitely getting him hot. The hardness of his cock shown. Finally, she was successful and we were freed.

Joyce and David sat on the couch together talking quietly. I sipped my drink while not really wanting it. Bored, I kept glancing at my watch, eager to leave. Gray, noticing my restlessness asked me to help him in the kitchen. As he retrieved mixer from the cabinet, I put ice in a glass. I was wiping the cold wetness off my hand with a towel, when I felt Gray's lips on my bare fore arm. Stunned, I turned to face him. He embraced me, pulling my soft curves against his firm body. I asked him what did he think he was doing? His reply was a kiss. Oh, what a kiss it was. I was lost in it immediately. With his hands in my long hair, his tongue slowly parted my mouth. When my tongue tentatively reached out to touch his, he pulled me into an even deeper embrace. Breathlessly we parted. He placed butterfly kisses on my eyes and forehead. It took me a second to gather my wits. What was I doing? This guy was really Joyce's man. I had no right to betray her. As if reading my thoughts, he took my hand, pulling me into the doorway of the living room. On the sofa, Joyce and Dave sat, kissing deeply. I wasn't surprised because they had been headed on the make up trail all night! I felt relief. Looking at Gray, I wondered what was next.

He pulled me back into the kitchen, pinning me against the counter. Taking my hair in his hands, he examined it closely. He seemed to be memorizing everything about it. He commented on the softness of it, the perfume of it, how shiny it was and that there must be gazillion colors of red and brown mingled in it. Letting it slide through his fingers, he next took my hands within his strong ones. How small they seemed there. My nails have always been one of the top ten best features of me. Clean, manicured and lightly polished, they were never too long. He placed one of my hands on his cheek. I let it follow the shape and texture of his jaw line. Smiling at him, I caressed the dimple there in his chin.

He placed both hands around my face cupping my cheeks. His thumbs traced my soft full lips, tickling me. I giggled, girlishly. He inhaled deeply, looking into my blue eyes. With a ragged breath, he began kissing me passionately. I once again, became lost in the wonder of it all. Unexpectedly, he released me, taking my hand in his. Pulling me down the hallway, we headed to his bedroom. I reluctantly followed. My thoughts were on Joyce and what she would think of the passion that Gray and I had ignited. As we passed the living room, I noticed that no one was there. From the room across from Gray's, I heard Joyce and Dave laughing. The Do Not Enter sign said it all.

Once inside his room, he fell upon the mattress on the bare floor. It had no headboard and the sheets were tangled. I smiled to myself, thinking that men failed to comprehend the concept of making a bed. I stood above him in uncertainty as he looked at my body. Was I headed for another disappointment? How could I ever satisfy this man? I knew nothing! I started to apologize about my lack of experience, trying to warn him not to anticipate heaven. He calmed me by telling me not to worry that all would be fine. He ran his hand over my smooth tanned legs, starting at one ankle, ending just inside the thigh, then back down the other leg to rest on the opposite ankle. Kissing my calves, he said that he wanted me. My heart pounded. He asked if he could see more of me. My heart skipped a beat as desire swept through my body, replacing the uncertainty. I knew instinctively that this time would be different.

I stepped over to turn off the light. He cried out that he didn't want the light off, for me to leave it that he wanted to see all of me. Wide eyed, I stood frozen by the light. Never had I ever known of anymore leaving the lights on, but I trusted him. So I moved closer to the bed. I first let my skirt fall to the floor. I lifted it with my shoed foot for him to discard. He neatly folded it and placed it on a beanbag by the bag. I hesitated at the hem of my sweater. His nod of approval encouraged me to go further. With a quick movement, I had it off and tossed to where my skirt sat. There I stood in just my black lace bikinis, lacy black bra and black heels. He motioned me closer. His eyes drinking in my body, as his breathing became rather labored, he kept repeating over and over how beautiful that I was. I confess that I was aroused.

In the flash of an instant, he had me on the bed, lying flat on my back with him looking over me. I'll never know how he did that so smoothly. His eyes burned a green fire as he started kissing me. His hands caressed my breasts through my bra, causing my nipples to get hard and taut. Then he had my bra off with none of the usual fumbling. I'll never forget the wet kisses that he placed upon my breasts, nipples and stomach, as his hands teased me through my panties. He tugged them off to touch my bare naked pussy which dripped with wetness. He kissed down my stomach and over my hips to the top of my thighs. What was he doing, I wondered as his mouth brushed the soft ermine fur at my womanhood. I tried to push him away as that was not a place for kisses. He was very insistent. Moving my hands aside, he tickled my quivering pussy with his tongue, devouring me. He could sense when I was almost at climax, then he would stop, only to start again. The return was heaven. When I did cum, he couldn't get enough, he made me cum again in seconds. I was drenched in wetness. He couldn't get over the lake I had become. His face was covered.

He stripped down to nothing. I looked at his body with curiosity. I had never really had the chance to see the other two guys' bodies, just felt their hardness, as we did our deeds under the cloak of darkness. I ran my hands over his strong chest, intertwining my fingers in the sparse hair that lived there. He lay beside me, to gather me in his arms to kiss me passionately. I could taste myself on him. It wasn't that bad, actually quite tasty. Pushing my legs apart with his knee, he knelt between them, entering me slowly. Stopping mid way, he exclaimed how tight that my pussy felt. Holding his breath as I held mine, he pushed into me all the way, not hurting me once. His slow stroke made wet sounds inside me. I kept waiting for a disappointed look to appear, but one never came. He had this intense look of ecstasy on his face, as he stroked in and out. Holding me by my hips with my ass off the bed, he pushed in deep. Not taking my eyes off him, I started to instinctively grind against his pubic bone with my pussy. I don't know why I did this; my body had a mind of its own. His expression turned to one of disbelief. He dropped my hips, telling me that he was not ready to come, he mumbled this more to himself that me. He covered me completely with his body, pinning me to the bed, almost ceasing his stroking into me. He kissed me and caressed my face, telling me that he didn't want to come yet and that he wanted to enjoy my wetness. He held me for along time not moving inside me. I could feel him pulsing and throbbing, as he was so hard.

Then he was out of me, telling me that he wanted me on top. I confessed that I didn't know how I should do this maneuver. He patiently and with lots of kisses, helped to guide himself in once I straddling him. He let out a small sound as he slid in. My wetness drenched us both. As I slid up and down his cock with his helping hands guiding my hips, I felt my nipples get harder than they had previously. He let me set the pace of our loving. I reveled in the slowness of feeling him slide in and out of me. I could feel an orgasm start to build. The experience intrigued me. My hips started to buck uncontrollably, as I moved faster and faster. Taking my hands, he interlaced our fingers together. I rode him hard and faster now with my juices flowing even more. My pussy erupted like a volcano with the spasms taking me unaware. The felling of my uncontrollable jerking around his hardness was so special and so different than any orgasm that I had experienced alone or when he was licking me earlier. So I went into another one. How this man didn't cum, I will never know. He just hung on and talked so sweetly to me, encouraging me to cum and telling me how good it felt. I finally collapsed on top of him, spent.

Finally coming down from the mountain, I looked into his eyes with a slight embarrassment for losing control. He smiled, while taking his hand to caress my face and move my hair from my eyes. My wetness was all over my thighs. Looking down at his cock, I saw that it was shiny with my juices. Lying there beside him, I watch him take a hand to his balls to wipe my come from them. After tasting his fingers, he pushed me back amongst the pillows to lick me again. My pussy has never been as wet as it was that night, and Thank God this man loved it. I came again, rather quickly. I was turning him on, as I could feel his cock twitch against my leg. He licked my thighs and pussy lips, while making yummy sounds. I don't believe he could stand it much longer, as he asked me if I would taste him. I hesitated, remembering the foul taste of come. But looking into those sweet green eyes, I knew that I should at least try. He took my small hand and guided it up and down the shaft, as my tongue flickered over the massive purple head. It tasted like me but also had a coppery woodsy flavor, from his pre come I guess. I kept licking the head like he told me to do and increased the tempo of my hand.

Suddenly, he cried out for me to move my mouth off his cock. I did in the nick of time as cum shot everywhere, all over my hand, his cock, his stomach, my hair and some even hit his chin. He released my hand, moaning with his cock twitching and oozing cum. I looked at my hand to examine his hot seed cooling there on my fingers. I said in amazement that it was not green. Honest amusement made him laugh as he told me it had better not be green. Taking a discarded shirt, he cleaned my hands and himself before pulling me tight to his chest. I could feel him smiling into my hair. Our hearts beat together as one while we both climbed down for the heavens. I slept in his arms, content as a kitten.

Thus, started our torrid affair, which lasted for over 3 months. He gave the sensual teaching that an experienced lover does to one of eager talent. We grew close to each other, sexually and emotionally. But as our fire grew hot and rabid, it had to cool down eventually. His ex fiancée moving back into town, ended our loving. She wanted him back. He was torn between us. One night I went over for our usual heated lovemaking session, but he seemed distracted and edgy, pulling me tightly to him and then pushing me away. I sat on the arm of his chair, patiently waiting.

He finally confessed that he was torn about what to do. He wanted my raw sexuality, and me but he needed the security her arms possessed. He was ready for marriage and a family. He told me that he felt that I had places and sensual adventures to conquer, which I needed to help me grow as a woman. He wanted me but knew that he couldn't keep me. I looked into his tortured eyes and did what I knew that I had to do, even though my heart ached. I kissed his forehead and walked out of his life.

Pausing in the doorway, I turned to look at him. He had his face buried in his hands, crying. A part of me was crying, too.