When the model arrived at my home studio, I was momentarily stunned. I remembered him as handsome -- but somehow in a group modeling, I had maintained the 'model-artist' unwritten protocol -- and just ignored that fact.
Because there IS a protocol: "Models aren't sex-objects or male or female. They are human bodies -- a mix of light and dark areas, muscle and fat, textures and smoothness. Heavy or thin, all bodies have an inherent beauty, and that non-sexual beauty -- as artists -- is all we see."
Except for now. With him standing in my doorway, I had a sudden tightness in my chest when I thought of him modeling nude -- and me drawing him -- in the intimacy of my living room. Instead of light and dark, all I saw was a very desirable man.
Quickly, I cleared my throat and in my most business-like manner, explained to him that we would be modeling in my light-filled living room. In the daytime, I doubted anyone could see in.
I handed him a towel, showed him the chair where he'd be seated and directed him to the spare bedroom where he could disrobe in private.
This was my first time hiring a model, but I was determined to bring the vision I had in my head to life in a drawing. And the 45-minute classroom poses were just not long enough.
I had hired my model for three hours -- at minimum wage, it was a great deal! I wondered if he knew that art classes paid a dollar more ... $9 rather than $8?
But when I had called him, he had seemed eager for the work. While he was undressing I finished sharpening my pencils.
The model settled onto the overstuffed chair. We quickly discussed his pose. He had his right leg crossing his left leg, just barely hiding his cock. Then I took my seat and began trying to draw. But the focus and lack of emotion -- that objectivity -- that I always pride myself on, just wasn't there.
Instead as I tried to create a likeness, my vivid imagination took over ... what if. What if he was as attracted to me as I was to him? What if his cock gets hard? What if I kissed him then?
"STOP -- OMG," I yelled at myself. What do you mean, "kiss him." There is no kissing in modeling. The artist DOES NOT touch the model. Never. Not. No touching.
I renewed my focus on my drawing, ignoring the wetness growing between my legs. Line- shape -- shadows I admonished myself. Always, I pushed myself when I drew -- To look harder. To really see. To not get lazy and just draw any old line. To look intently and draw only what is there.
My eyes scanned his face as I started with his head. Drawing the crook where his eyebrow started, and then his eye. Then his nose ... making sure I left an eye's width between his eyes ... down to his mouth.
He was a very handsome man ... not pretty handsome, but rugged 'James Bond" handsome. But he had dimples! Killer dimples. And when he smiled his face totally changed, opening up. One moment the warrior was sitting there -- the next moment the entertainer was there.
Stop it! I admonished myself. This is WAY outside of what is appropriate. I continued to block in his body, letting my pencil lines follow down the defining lines of his arms.
And great arms they are ... powerful. I felt a twinge in my crotch. Ohhh. Mmmhh. And they fit nicely into his shoulders -- which sloped down to his powerful chest. You could see that he had always been a very fit, very well built man. I carefully started to indicate his pecs and his nipples.